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Past Competition March 2011:
The Great Shades of Grey Giveaway

For other competitions, go to my Competition Page
Paperback SOG

Yes, folks, it's here and available in the UK right now. You can order from Waterstones or Amazon.

Because I get sent these for free I have FIVE signed copies of the UK paperback to give away. All you have to do is to send a good reason why you think you should get one.

It can be a short poem, a witty aside, a heart-rending plea or a simple threat of personal violence. The only rule is that it has to be a Twittery 140 characters in length, and that you allow me to post it up on my website. The most amusing/erudite/bizarre will get the book. Hodder territories only. Entries to jasper (at) jasperfforde.com with the subject line 'sleuth'. Please note that no emails are retained or sent on to a third party for any reason. This is all just silly fun. Prizes have no value, no purchase required to enter or find out results.

The pleas are in! Those highlighted in RED will be sent a book.

Many thanks to all those who took part.

The Pleas:

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Each Day Desires Infect Eddie Rather Unavoidably Sowing Secrets Eventually Told. Just Another Needing Enlightening.Grant Request,End Yearning.  

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Voraciously I devour books,
There plots too simple and boring.
Then lo came a day,
When my dad did say,
Sarah, read, Shades of Gray.
Now here I am begging,
Wishing, and groveling,
That I soon will be winning.

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What fun it was to water colour the cover of my copy of SoG!
I now feel a little silly, oil paint is a better medium for such a masterpiece

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Since my daughter's first Christmas my house has been deluged in bright, univisual, polychromatic plastic. I need Shades of Grey to restore the balance.

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I have the hardback book which is doing me just fine,
But there is nothing I love more, than the creases on a paperback spine.

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I would say I deserve it since my wife is a budding writer and could use the signed copy to inspire her, but really I should because tire with, so nag a ram!

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I am citing your Dundee 2010 talk in a paper on visual research methods to be published in a serious journal (i.e. free publicity); one good turn deserves another :-)

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I looked on your website only yesterday to see if it was possible to buy signed SoG's, a free one would be even better!

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Shades of grey wherever I go.
Fresh Lawn Green, it no longer flows.
Black & white it never should be,
Get rid of grey & bring Lincoln to me!

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Please give the book to our library.
It will be the most popular tome in the library and will also make my life complete.
Mrs Lapis-Lazuli

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Please send me a signed copy of Shades of Grey or expect a weather forecast of sunny with a chance of homicide in your area.

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Suzi Clements:

There is a woman who can read.
She loves Jasper's books oh indeed.
To him she says "Look
I want the free book.
Please sir, oh do take heed!"


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"Outside it's frozen, the world is just grey but bookworld is golden, there's tea on a tray. A page is a cookie and Eddie is cream. A dream!"

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Because the 'Next' sleuth is going to be so diabolically cunning and cruel, this is my only chance to win and avoid a temporary mental illness.

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Proofreading 200 pages of incomprehensible rollercoaster philosophy has drained all the colours from my life. "Shades of Grey" would match.

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I'd love this book but can't buy it as some b@st@rd cleaned out my bank account, no joke!

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Jasper - plea: no money post Xmas - threat: I know where u tour! - poem: pls send me a book, its def worth a look - wit: I can't a-Fforde it

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Ian Roughley:

Spot the deliberate mistake, Fforde:

Deliberate mistake

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this haiku it says,
your book I want it badly,
so let me win it.

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Reports to The Office of Regular Vowels say long a's in Shades of Grey have been replaced with short a's. Please supply a copy for checking.

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How do I prepare some text before Thursday Next, that will strike a chord, to swindle a book from Fforde?

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Mammoth steak or mammoth pie, I have but one thing on my mind so give me a ruddy book or on mammoth I will dine.

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Anabel Lansom says:

Os gwelwch yn da gair llyfr!!! Mae gen i caws blasus iawn.. beth wyt ti'n meddwl? Diolch yn fawr iawn. xx

We replied in broken but definitly not online translated Welsh: Ble wyt ti'n eisia fi anfon y llyfr?


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You keep me company when I just want to be alone ;)

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"I think Fforde is a great writer, a reliable car and an awesome way to cross a river, unless it's tidal."

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I've red it once, but I'd be tickled pink to win a signed copy of Shades of Grey to drive away the post Christmas blues.

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I lost my spoon and I'm too afraid to go out of the house and buy a copy.

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There once were five books going free,
For five lucky Pommies to see.
It is a great book,
So give us a look,
And send a copy to me!

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I had a pretend wedding to your australian nephew George in an attempt to be related to you. and I'm disabled.

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O, give me some Shades of Grey!
Green and Yellow fill me with dismay,
Violent Violet reeks of decay,
Red Ed cannot take it away.
Only Jane can show me the way.

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Basically I'd like a copy of your book because I'm skint and I absolutely love your books and I need Shades of Grey to my collection or your books. Well they're my books but written by you ... Anyway I'm rambling now so I'll keep my fingers and hope for the best.

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Books are for reading; yours are not. Yours are to be read and the contents then used to baffle the world. How can I baffle the world with extracts of SoG if I don't have it?

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It was like doing Lincoln,
Shades of Grey had me blinkin'.
When I was done I couldn't wait,
For Painting by Numbers, my Lime-y mate!

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Once upon a time there was a teacher in island who shared her love of all things Ffordian with her middleschoolers. Afterwards they devoured book after book they begged for more, money was tight and the library couldn't rate. So please take the bait and award me and my students the newest and the great Ffordian feat!

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"You think that you've got enough Shades of Grey in that book? Have you seen today's sky?? The weather pwns your book so I should get a copy!"

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It's pretty obvious to me that I deserve a signed copy of _Shades of Grey_ simply because I've read it, I loved it, and I have absolutely NO idea whatsoever what the restriction "Hodder territories only" means!  If that doesn't qualify me, I don't know what would!

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Kathleen Bell:

What could enhance my life
in this monochrome world?
Knowing that grey has shades.


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I sip the hot soup,
Wishing I could cool it first,
My life for a spoon.

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I write to beseech you for Shades of Grey :
My black-and-white world needs some nuancing.
And if you don't honor my plea here today,
I fear Thursday Next will go truancing.

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I have the wine, I have the chocolate, I have the soft jazz, now all I need is a good book. Please send me a copy of your Shades Of Grey!

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Please send me one, I am trapped under a falling Ground Sloth and therefore unable to walk to the shops to buy my copy of Shades of Grey :(

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Nick Allsop:

I need a copy as my 19 week old has started to not sleep through the night again and I need something to read to him to get him back off !

We can SO identify with Nick and Partner. Our Stella is nearly six months and still not sleeping..


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I really do revel in your work,
Enjoying my time reading,
So you can choose to give me a book,
Or I will leave you pleading!

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I need Shades of Grey so that I can stop Randolph Spongg from releasing grammarsites into it so that me and UA of W Cat can save Bookworld!

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if i don't get this book i will kidnap your wife and not return her until i get the book and you rename a service station after my mother

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Anke Schroder:

Because I'm now pregnant with my second child, which like the first one wouldn't have happened if I hadn't stumbled across your books a few years ago, as you know, so basically it's all your fault. :-)

Agreed. Entirely my fault. Child support cheque also in post.


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My life is so full of love and colour and excitement I could do with some Grey And I'll make you a Shades of Grey cake if I win 8-)

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I write to beseech you for Shades of Grey :
My black-and-white world needs some nuancing.
And if you don't honor my plea here today,
I fear Thursday Next will go truancing.

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I have Pickwick as hostage. Send me free signed copy or he get turns into monochromatic Grey or fed to the Yateveo. Give me book - you know its your civic duty!

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Before the next leepback removes it from history, I'd love a signed copy to put in my valaise.

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There is no case of boredom and/or illiteracy which cannot be ameloriated by reading SOG. Imagine reading a signed SOG. Boom. Poverty = history.

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I've run out of firewood and would like to keep warm this winter. New paperbacks burn best.

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"Im a very lazy identity thief and your signature would really help. Any credit card numbers or future manuscripts also welcome.Signed, A Fan"

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Please send me a book or more birds will drop out of the sky.

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Throw in a t-shirt and I will take one off your hands.

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US paperback SOG is published on the 8th Feb 2011. You'll be offered freebie copies too. Perhaps. Maybe. We'll see.