Attached is a photo of me on guard duty at a safe house near the Black Mountains during one of our weekly "midnight business trips" to meet the Abercynafon Green gang.
I know the rules forbid pictures showing genuine danger but this picture was not set up for the competition - I got the other guard ('Gordy' Zoller) to take it so I could impress my kids. The guard duty is shared out on a rota and we get "very extreme danger" pay for doing it, plus the promise that our next of kin will be well taken care of.
The reason I am reading FAS while on duty is that I was hoping to pick up some tips to help us dodge the Stiltonistas, who are a constant thorn in our sides. The best defence we have at the moment is that case of Wedi Marw grenades that you can see on the shelf beside me. (Personally I don't think we should keep the grenades so close to the X-14) However we won't have to worry about the Stiltonistas for much longer. Our agents are close to identifying the location of the Stiltonistas HQ and we have a suicide squad ready to tunnel under it to plant our X-14 mine (got the idea from Somme World). We have 3 ounces of X-14 in that sample box and we've worked out that detonated 50 feet underground it should leave a crater 200 feet deep and a quarter of a mile in diameter (approx 5.6 on the Richter scale). That will show them who's the 'Big Cheese' in Hay on Wye!
Pete 'Red Dragon' Johnson
To go back to the Thursday Next X-treme 2008 nominations page, click HERE.