ThursdayNext : www.jasperfforde.com
A discussion of all things Thursday !
Request from the author...
Posted by: Jasper Fforde (---.man.dial.ntli.net)
Date: November 05, 2002 01:43PM
<HTML>Hello everyone!
I'm writing TN-3 'The Well of Lost Plots' at the moment and need more information than my tiny brain possesses. I thought of reading all the books that had ever been written in the world this year, but only got as far as 'Shadow the Sheepdog'.
Okay, here's the idea: Since TN3 takes place within fiction, I think they would have their own awards ceremony. The awards will be the backdrop for the conclusion of Thursday's latest adventure. What I need from you guys and gals are nominees for the following categories...
Suggestions:
Best Romantic Lead (Male)
Best Romantic Lead (Female)
Most troubled romantic lead (male) (Please don't let Heathcliffe win it for the 142nd year running.)
Most troubled romantic lead (female)
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life
Most incomprehensible plot
Most Boring Book
Best opening paragraph
Best closing paragraph
Best Line of Dialogue - ever
Worst Book Ever Written
Worst Poet Ever
Dopiest Shakesperean Character
Most impossible scientific invention in an SF novel
Most implausible premise in any genre
Any postings I use will be credited in the book. Amusing new categories also accepted.
Thanks for all the postings to date - our every own soap opera!
Jasper</HTML>
I'm writing TN-3 'The Well of Lost Plots' at the moment and need more information than my tiny brain possesses. I thought of reading all the books that had ever been written in the world this year, but only got as far as 'Shadow the Sheepdog'.
Okay, here's the idea: Since TN3 takes place within fiction, I think they would have their own awards ceremony. The awards will be the backdrop for the conclusion of Thursday's latest adventure. What I need from you guys and gals are nominees for the following categories...
Suggestions:
Best Romantic Lead (Male)
Best Romantic Lead (Female)
Most troubled romantic lead (male) (Please don't let Heathcliffe win it for the 142nd year running.)
Most troubled romantic lead (female)
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life
Most incomprehensible plot
Most Boring Book
Best opening paragraph
Best closing paragraph
Best Line of Dialogue - ever
Worst Book Ever Written
Worst Poet Ever
Dopiest Shakesperean Character
Most impossible scientific invention in an SF novel
Most implausible premise in any genre
Any postings I use will be credited in the book. Amusing new categories also accepted.
Thanks for all the postings to date - our every own soap opera!
Jasper</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: dave (212.158.104.---)
Date: November 05, 2002 02:12PM
<HTML>Best opening line ever:
'It was the day my grandmother exploded.' - Ian Banks - The Crow Road</HTML>
'It was the day my grandmother exploded.' - Ian Banks - The Crow Road</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: charles ronayne (---.liv.ac.uk)
Date: November 05, 2002 02:16PM
<HTML>
Right, thats a lot of categories!! I'll give it my best shot, with my limited knowledge of things literary. Just on instinct. However can I just say that I'm not even going to try and name something for the impossible SF thing, becuase the Nextian Universe probably won that hands down with the Gravitube.
Most troubled Romantic Lead (male): How about Pip in Great Expectations, well at least for the start of the book. If not then I'll have to suggest Hari Seldon, from Isaac Asimov's Foundation novels, at least the ones which feature Seldon directly. Finding out the woman you love is, well is not human must be quite troublesome. Oh hang on what about that doctor in Middlemarch as well, the one who marries Rosamond Vincy. Ah now there IS a troubled character
Most Incomprehensible Plot: I dunno but from reading The Trial, thats got to come quite close.
Most Boring Book: Right, time for my revenge. It has to be Paradise Lost. I'm sorry for anybody who might like it, but I was tortured with three books of it last year for A level, and I have never quite recovered. I think if I had had to read the whole thing it would have killed me.
Dopest Shakesperian Character: Well I think the two from The Tempest, Trinculo and Stephano, should get this together. The scene where they first meet Caliban is classic.</HTML>
Right, thats a lot of categories!! I'll give it my best shot, with my limited knowledge of things literary. Just on instinct. However can I just say that I'm not even going to try and name something for the impossible SF thing, becuase the Nextian Universe probably won that hands down with the Gravitube.
Most troubled Romantic Lead (male): How about Pip in Great Expectations, well at least for the start of the book. If not then I'll have to suggest Hari Seldon, from Isaac Asimov's Foundation novels, at least the ones which feature Seldon directly. Finding out the woman you love is, well is not human must be quite troublesome. Oh hang on what about that doctor in Middlemarch as well, the one who marries Rosamond Vincy. Ah now there IS a troubled character
Most Incomprehensible Plot: I dunno but from reading The Trial, thats got to come quite close.
Most Boring Book: Right, time for my revenge. It has to be Paradise Lost. I'm sorry for anybody who might like it, but I was tortured with three books of it last year for A level, and I have never quite recovered. I think if I had had to read the whole thing it would have killed me.
Dopest Shakesperian Character: Well I think the two from The Tempest, Trinculo and Stephano, should get this together. The scene where they first meet Caliban is classic.</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: dave (212.158.104.---)
Date: November 05, 2002 02:58PM
<HTML>and worst poet ever:
William Topaz McGonagall, according to :
[www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk]
his classic 'The Tay Bridge Disaster' just has to be read....</HTML>
William Topaz McGonagall, according to :
[www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk]
his classic 'The Tay Bridge Disaster' just has to be read....</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: ScarletBea (---.be.jnj.com)
Date: November 05, 2002 03:23PM
<HTML>*quickly copies list to think about it tonight in front of my 'library'* :D
Gosh, how come all the books I ever read have this knack of running for their lives when I have to find something about them in my memory? Characters, plots, ideas, funny or strange things, who live (very comfortably and not lonely at all, if I may say so) in my brain, the minute they feel my probing thoughts, meaning they have to get out of their holiday place, rush off everywhere, except where I want them!
Anyone else with that problem?
But fear not, Jasper, I won't fail you! (I hope lol)
Along with "Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life", you could add "Character you'd most like to bring home and never part"
(and I have to put my Duncton Wood tales in one of your categories, even if I have to create one myself ;))</HTML>
Gosh, how come all the books I ever read have this knack of running for their lives when I have to find something about them in my memory? Characters, plots, ideas, funny or strange things, who live (very comfortably and not lonely at all, if I may say so) in my brain, the minute they feel my probing thoughts, meaning they have to get out of their holiday place, rush off everywhere, except where I want them!
Anyone else with that problem?
But fear not, Jasper, I won't fail you! (I hope lol)
Along with "Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life", you could add "Character you'd most like to bring home and never part"
(and I have to put my Duncton Wood tales in one of your categories, even if I have to create one myself ;))</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: charles ronayne (---.liv.ac.uk)
Date: November 05, 2002 03:46PM
<HTML>Hey its me again. Sorry just had to rush back for;
Most Troubled Romantic Lead: Tess of the D'Urbervilles. 'nuff said.
b.t.w. by most romantic lead is that like best written or best as in most desireable? Or a joint points system between the two. Oh yeah, and what about making a "Currently most popular piece of fiction" For the one that has most readers at that point in time, if the Cat can tell you how many are reading.</HTML>
Most Troubled Romantic Lead: Tess of the D'Urbervilles. 'nuff said.
b.t.w. by most romantic lead is that like best written or best as in most desireable? Or a joint points system between the two. Oh yeah, and what about making a "Currently most popular piece of fiction" For the one that has most readers at that point in time, if the Cat can tell you how many are reading.</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: Carla (198.179.227.---)
Date: November 05, 2002 04:16PM
<HTML>Bea
For Duncton Wood there could be a Best Animal Character category.
But there would be fierce competition from Amazing Maurice and some of the Educated Rodents...</HTML>
For Duncton Wood there could be a Best Animal Character category.
But there would be fierce competition from Amazing Maurice and some of the Educated Rodents...</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: dave (212.158.104.---)
Date: November 05, 2002 04:45PM
<HTML>or Gaspode the Wonder Dog...</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: ScarletBea (---.be.jnj.com)
Date: November 05, 2002 04:52PM
<HTML>Hey, it's my sister!
LOL
what are you doing here, eh?
Did you come because of all the questions I keep asking you about Jasper in the bookshop world? lol
Best animal sounds so lame... *thinks* could be Most Courageous Animal... or Most Romantic Animal ;) but in the end animals are males and females too, so they can go in the other categories ;)</HTML>
LOL
what are you doing here, eh?
Did you come because of all the questions I keep asking you about Jasper in the bookshop world? lol
Best animal sounds so lame... *thinks* could be Most Courageous Animal... or Most Romantic Animal ;) but in the end animals are males and females too, so they can go in the other categories ;)</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: Carla (---.cableinet.co.uk)
Date: November 05, 2002 06:50PM
<HTML>No I've been here before ages ago but then you were here too much so i backed off.
oh the other hand:
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life:
any bimbo in chick-lit books
and
Ophelia...
Best opening paragraph:
I wanted to go with that Iain Banks one, but let's be original (even thought that gets my vote)
"If you're going to read this, don't bother. After a couple of pages you won't want to be here." Choke - Chuck Palahniuk
Best closing paragraph
This isn't the best closing paragraph, but it's one of the best endings.
"When they finally did dare itm at first with stolen glances and then candid ones, they had to smile. They were uncommonly proud. For the first time they had done something out of Love" Perfume - Patrick Suskind
or
"Nothing much. No-thing. Except this: forget me. Not" How the Dead Live - Will Self
Most Boring Book
(especially after some people told me how amazing it was)
Journey to the End of the Night - Celine
Most incomprehensible book
Finnegans Wake - James Joyce
Best Use of Alphabet, Phonetics and the English Language
Ella Minnow Pea - Mark Dunn
(sorry this isn't a very good new category but the book is so great I wanted to mention it)
Best Shakesperean Spin-Off
Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard.
More as and when I remember...
Jasper, what's the time frame for this?</HTML>
oh the other hand:
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life:
any bimbo in chick-lit books
and
Ophelia...
Best opening paragraph:
I wanted to go with that Iain Banks one, but let's be original (even thought that gets my vote)
"If you're going to read this, don't bother. After a couple of pages you won't want to be here." Choke - Chuck Palahniuk
Best closing paragraph
This isn't the best closing paragraph, but it's one of the best endings.
"When they finally did dare itm at first with stolen glances and then candid ones, they had to smile. They were uncommonly proud. For the first time they had done something out of Love" Perfume - Patrick Suskind
or
"Nothing much. No-thing. Except this: forget me. Not" How the Dead Live - Will Self
Most Boring Book
(especially after some people told me how amazing it was)
Journey to the End of the Night - Celine
Most incomprehensible book
Finnegans Wake - James Joyce
Best Use of Alphabet, Phonetics and the English Language
Ella Minnow Pea - Mark Dunn
(sorry this isn't a very good new category but the book is so great I wanted to mention it)
Best Shakesperean Spin-Off
Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard.
More as and when I remember...
Jasper, what's the time frame for this?</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: Carla (---.cableinet.co.uk)
Date: November 05, 2002 07:02PM
<HTML>Most troubled romantic lead (male) (Please don't let Heathcliffe win it for the 142nd year running.)
How could I forget???????????
it's a close tie between Charles Ryder and Sebastian Flyte in "Brideshead Revisited" - Evelyn Waugh</HTML>
How could I forget???????????
it's a close tie between Charles Ryder and Sebastian Flyte in "Brideshead Revisited" - Evelyn Waugh</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: November 05, 2002 09:04PM
<HTML>JurisFiction Awards 1986
Nominations from: Jon Brierley
Best Romantic Lead (Male); Tom Jones. (The eponymous Fielding hero, not the Welsh singer). A good sound lad, if a little too ready to give in to his appetites, and liable to sweep any susceptible female off her feet in minutes flat.
Best Romantic Lead (Female); Dorothea Brooke, “Middlemarch”. Intelligent, loyal, kind, and she gives up her fortune to marry the man she loves. And she won’t do a Gwyneth when she gets the gong, either.
Most troubled romantic lead (male); Jude Fawley, “Jude the Obscure” (first child hangs second two and himself, girlfriend runs off with man she hates, wife leaves him to die while out on the razzle. Or anybody else from Hardy, really).
Most troubled romantic lead (female); Laura Glyde, “The Woman in White” (banged up in a loony bin, had unspeakable things done to, replaced by a doppelganger, goes mad). (Tess Durbeyfield gets an honourable mention, but I don’t want to give another prize to a Hardy character).
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life; Hamlet. Stop maundering on and do something!
Most incomprehensible plot; “The Big Sleep”, Raymond Chandler (OK, who killed the chauffeur? And why?)
Most Boring Book; “Faerie Queene”, Edmund Spenser (longest ass-kiss in history)
Best opening paragraph; “1984”, George Orwell. (“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen …”).
Best closing paragraph; “Wuthering Heights,” Emily Bronte (“…. unquiet slumbers for those sleepers in that quiet earth”. Always gets me right there.)
Best Line of Dialogue – ever; “Is that you, Rabbit?” said Eeyore. “Let’s pretend it isn’t, and see what happens,” said Rabbit. – A.A. Milne, “House at Pooh Corner”.
Worst Book Ever Written; “Finnegan’s Wake”, James Joyce. (Runner-up, “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”, DH Lawrence). OK, there are many worse, but none that are so bad yet taken so seriously.
Worst Poet Ever; William McGonagall, poet and tragedian (no contest)
Dopiest Shakespearean Character; Othello (that’s a nice hanky…where’d you get it?)
Most impossible scientific invention in an SF novel; Jules Verne, “From the Earth to the Moon” …. Fired off by a bloody big cannon. All right, as technology it might work, but as a means of keeping human beings from becoming strawberry jam, it wouldn’t.
Most implausible premise in any genre; Anthony Hope, “The Prisoner of Zenda” – Mr. Rassendyll, you look so like our King even his fiancee couldn’t tell you apart. Yeah, right.
Additional categories;
Silliest character name in a serious work; Mr. M’Choakumchild, “Hard Times,” Charles Dickens.
Most unintentionally funny poem ever; “Pippa Passes”, Robert Browning. (“It’s a good rhyme for bats”. Er, yes, Mr. Browning). (Go to [www.sm.rim.or.jp] for full text, and then search for ‘bats’).
My wife Claire would also like to nominate Scarlett O’Hara for both best female lead and a slap round the chops.</HTML>
Nominations from: Jon Brierley
Best Romantic Lead (Male); Tom Jones. (The eponymous Fielding hero, not the Welsh singer). A good sound lad, if a little too ready to give in to his appetites, and liable to sweep any susceptible female off her feet in minutes flat.
Best Romantic Lead (Female); Dorothea Brooke, “Middlemarch”. Intelligent, loyal, kind, and she gives up her fortune to marry the man she loves. And she won’t do a Gwyneth when she gets the gong, either.
Most troubled romantic lead (male); Jude Fawley, “Jude the Obscure” (first child hangs second two and himself, girlfriend runs off with man she hates, wife leaves him to die while out on the razzle. Or anybody else from Hardy, really).
Most troubled romantic lead (female); Laura Glyde, “The Woman in White” (banged up in a loony bin, had unspeakable things done to, replaced by a doppelganger, goes mad). (Tess Durbeyfield gets an honourable mention, but I don’t want to give another prize to a Hardy character).
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life; Hamlet. Stop maundering on and do something!
Most incomprehensible plot; “The Big Sleep”, Raymond Chandler (OK, who killed the chauffeur? And why?)
Most Boring Book; “Faerie Queene”, Edmund Spenser (longest ass-kiss in history)
Best opening paragraph; “1984”, George Orwell. (“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen …”).
Best closing paragraph; “Wuthering Heights,” Emily Bronte (“…. unquiet slumbers for those sleepers in that quiet earth”. Always gets me right there.)
Best Line of Dialogue – ever; “Is that you, Rabbit?” said Eeyore. “Let’s pretend it isn’t, and see what happens,” said Rabbit. – A.A. Milne, “House at Pooh Corner”.
Worst Book Ever Written; “Finnegan’s Wake”, James Joyce. (Runner-up, “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”, DH Lawrence). OK, there are many worse, but none that are so bad yet taken so seriously.
Worst Poet Ever; William McGonagall, poet and tragedian (no contest)
Dopiest Shakespearean Character; Othello (that’s a nice hanky…where’d you get it?)
Most impossible scientific invention in an SF novel; Jules Verne, “From the Earth to the Moon” …. Fired off by a bloody big cannon. All right, as technology it might work, but as a means of keeping human beings from becoming strawberry jam, it wouldn’t.
Most implausible premise in any genre; Anthony Hope, “The Prisoner of Zenda” – Mr. Rassendyll, you look so like our King even his fiancee couldn’t tell you apart. Yeah, right.
Additional categories;
Silliest character name in a serious work; Mr. M’Choakumchild, “Hard Times,” Charles Dickens.
Most unintentionally funny poem ever; “Pippa Passes”, Robert Browning. (“It’s a good rhyme for bats”. Er, yes, Mr. Browning). (Go to [www.sm.rim.or.jp] for full text, and then search for ‘bats’).
My wife Claire would also like to nominate Scarlett O’Hara for both best female lead and a slap round the chops.</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: November 05, 2002 09:04PM
<HTML>JurisFiction Awards 1986
Nominations from: Jon Brierley
Best Romantic Lead (Male); Tom Jones. (The eponymous Fielding hero, not the Welsh singer). A good sound lad, if a little too ready to give in to his appetites, and liable to sweep any susceptible female off her feet in minutes flat.
Best Romantic Lead (Female); Dorothea Brooke, “Middlemarch”. Intelligent, loyal, kind, and she gives up her fortune to marry the man she loves. And she won’t do a Gwyneth when she gets the gong, either.
Most troubled romantic lead (male); Jude Fawley, “Jude the Obscure” (first child hangs second two and himself, girlfriend runs off with man she hates, wife leaves him to die while out on the razzle. Or anybody else from Hardy, really).
Most troubled romantic lead (female); Laura Glyde, “The Woman in White” (banged up in a loony bin, had unspeakable things done to, replaced by a doppelganger, goes mad). (Tess Durbeyfield gets an honourable mention, but I don’t want to give another prize to a Hardy character).
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life; Hamlet. Stop maundering on and do something!
Most incomprehensible plot; “The Big Sleep”, Raymond Chandler (OK, who killed the chauffeur? And why?)
Most Boring Book; “Faerie Queene”, Edmund Spenser (longest ass-kiss in history)
Best opening paragraph; “1984”, George Orwell. (“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen …”).
Best closing paragraph; “Wuthering Heights,” Emily Bronte (“…. unquiet slumbers for those sleepers in that quiet earth”. Always gets me right there.)
Best Line of Dialogue – ever; “Is that you, Rabbit?” said Eeyore. “Let’s pretend it isn’t, and see what happens,” said Rabbit. – A.A. Milne, “House at Pooh Corner”.
Worst Book Ever Written; “Finnegan’s Wake”, James Joyce. (Runner-up, “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”, DH Lawrence). OK, there are many worse, but none that are so bad yet taken so seriously.
Worst Poet Ever; William McGonagall, poet and tragedian (no contest)
Dopiest Shakespearean Character; Othello (that’s a nice hanky…where’d you get it?)
Most impossible scientific invention in an SF novel; Jules Verne, “From the Earth to the Moon” …. Fired off by a bloody big cannon. All right, as technology it might work, but as a means of keeping human beings from becoming strawberry jam, it wouldn’t.
Most implausible premise in any genre; Anthony Hope, “The Prisoner of Zenda” – Mr. Rassendyll, you look so like our King even his fiancee couldn’t tell you apart. Yeah, right.
Additional categories;
Silliest character name in a serious work; Mr. M’Choakumchild, “Hard Times,” Charles Dickens.
Most unintentionally funny poem ever; “Pippa Passes”, Robert Browning. (“It’s a good rhyme for bats”. Er, yes, Mr. Browning). (Go to [www.sm.rim.or.jp] for full text, and then search for ‘bats’).
My wife Claire would also like to nominate Scarlett O’Hara for both best female lead and a slap round the chops.</HTML>
Nominations from: Jon Brierley
Best Romantic Lead (Male); Tom Jones. (The eponymous Fielding hero, not the Welsh singer). A good sound lad, if a little too ready to give in to his appetites, and liable to sweep any susceptible female off her feet in minutes flat.
Best Romantic Lead (Female); Dorothea Brooke, “Middlemarch”. Intelligent, loyal, kind, and she gives up her fortune to marry the man she loves. And she won’t do a Gwyneth when she gets the gong, either.
Most troubled romantic lead (male); Jude Fawley, “Jude the Obscure” (first child hangs second two and himself, girlfriend runs off with man she hates, wife leaves him to die while out on the razzle. Or anybody else from Hardy, really).
Most troubled romantic lead (female); Laura Glyde, “The Woman in White” (banged up in a loony bin, had unspeakable things done to, replaced by a doppelganger, goes mad). (Tess Durbeyfield gets an honourable mention, but I don’t want to give another prize to a Hardy character).
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life; Hamlet. Stop maundering on and do something!
Most incomprehensible plot; “The Big Sleep”, Raymond Chandler (OK, who killed the chauffeur? And why?)
Most Boring Book; “Faerie Queene”, Edmund Spenser (longest ass-kiss in history)
Best opening paragraph; “1984”, George Orwell. (“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen …”).
Best closing paragraph; “Wuthering Heights,” Emily Bronte (“…. unquiet slumbers for those sleepers in that quiet earth”. Always gets me right there.)
Best Line of Dialogue – ever; “Is that you, Rabbit?” said Eeyore. “Let’s pretend it isn’t, and see what happens,” said Rabbit. – A.A. Milne, “House at Pooh Corner”.
Worst Book Ever Written; “Finnegan’s Wake”, James Joyce. (Runner-up, “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”, DH Lawrence). OK, there are many worse, but none that are so bad yet taken so seriously.
Worst Poet Ever; William McGonagall, poet and tragedian (no contest)
Dopiest Shakespearean Character; Othello (that’s a nice hanky…where’d you get it?)
Most impossible scientific invention in an SF novel; Jules Verne, “From the Earth to the Moon” …. Fired off by a bloody big cannon. All right, as technology it might work, but as a means of keeping human beings from becoming strawberry jam, it wouldn’t.
Most implausible premise in any genre; Anthony Hope, “The Prisoner of Zenda” – Mr. Rassendyll, you look so like our King even his fiancee couldn’t tell you apart. Yeah, right.
Additional categories;
Silliest character name in a serious work; Mr. M’Choakumchild, “Hard Times,” Charles Dickens.
Most unintentionally funny poem ever; “Pippa Passes”, Robert Browning. (“It’s a good rhyme for bats”. Er, yes, Mr. Browning). (Go to [www.sm.rim.or.jp] for full text, and then search for ‘bats’).
My wife Claire would also like to nominate Scarlett O’Hara for both best female lead and a slap round the chops.</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: November 05, 2002 09:05PM
<HTML>Er, sorry about that. A little AOL trouble there. I'm not really trying to rig the election by voting twice, honest....</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: November 05, 2002 10:55PM
<HTML>Most troubled romantic lead (female) - Lady Macbeth... Not only does she have her own issues to deal with - insomnia, obsessive compulsive disorder, the desire to pass the Daz doorstep challenge despite living in the Fourteenth century, the name Gruoch (Gaelic for 'the vicar vomited during the baptism so she's stuck with it' ) etc etc - she also has a mad megalomaniac husband who listens to any old women who happen to be lying about (imagine if the Mole got to hear about it!).
Finally, as a clincher, Shakespeare decided to write her story for an Elizabethan vbersion of the 'Daily Mail'. I rest my case...
The Browning episode, btw, occurred purely because (bizarrely) he had taken the word to mean an item of nun's headwear. Truly the mind boggles.
Worst portrayal of a Shakespearean Character on stage: William Topaz McGonagall (the same), for a fine performance of Macbeth - see [www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk] for details.
As for worst poet, whilst McGonagall has strong support, it only seems fair to mention Julia Moore, the Sweet Singer of Michigan. Her writings belong to the 'Graveyard' school of American poetry, and her writings have been compared to a Gatling gun. Not exactly modern, but still deadly for all those who come within her range. [www.wmich.edu] for details.
For 'Best Poetic Footnote' may I sugggest going to [www.clemson.edu] and clicking on the hyperlink 'stunning or hilarious effect' at the end of the first paragraph...
Will think on other suggestions later.</HTML>
Finally, as a clincher, Shakespeare decided to write her story for an Elizabethan vbersion of the 'Daily Mail'. I rest my case...
The Browning episode, btw, occurred purely because (bizarrely) he had taken the word to mean an item of nun's headwear. Truly the mind boggles.
Worst portrayal of a Shakespearean Character on stage: William Topaz McGonagall (the same), for a fine performance of Macbeth - see [www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk] for details.
As for worst poet, whilst McGonagall has strong support, it only seems fair to mention Julia Moore, the Sweet Singer of Michigan. Her writings belong to the 'Graveyard' school of American poetry, and her writings have been compared to a Gatling gun. Not exactly modern, but still deadly for all those who come within her range. [www.wmich.edu] for details.
For 'Best Poetic Footnote' may I sugggest going to [www.clemson.edu] and clicking on the hyperlink 'stunning or hilarious effect' at the end of the first paragraph...
Will think on other suggestions later.</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: November 05, 2002 11:29PM
<HTML>Best interference with a work of fiction: The Man from Porlock Weir. For saving generations of schoolkids from a further 246 tedious, pretentious incomprehensible verse. Now why couldn't he have svaed us from the Ancient Mariner (Question: was he the inspiration for Captain Birdseye? If not, why not? - although thinking about the adverts....
"Mum, can we have delicious fish fingers for tea?"
"Not till you get rid of that frigging albatross."</HTML>
"Mum, can we have delicious fish fingers for tea?"
"Not till you get rid of that frigging albatross."</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: Terry Peterson (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: November 06, 2002 12:13AM
<HTML>Most incomprehensible plot:
three way tie between The Big U, Snow Crash & The Diamond Age - all by Neal Stephenson
Most impossible scientific invention in an SF novel:
the prose portal?</HTML>
three way tie between The Big U, Snow Crash & The Diamond Age - all by Neal Stephenson
Most impossible scientific invention in an SF novel:
the prose portal?</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: ScarletBea (---.be.jnj.com)
Date: November 06, 2002 08:20AM
<HTML>(I don't mind my sister. Truly. And I won't be here 'less much', ehehe, sorry)
After a night of thinking it didn't get better tha this:
Most troubled romantic lead (male) - The vampire Louis, from all the vampire chronicles by Anne Rice (could also go in the 'character you'd most like to shake etc')
Most troubled romantic lead (female) - the mole Privet in her search for the Book of Silence (Duncton Wood tales by William Horwood) (nobody said it had to be romance in the sense of romantic love, right?)
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life - either Renton from Trainspotting (Irvine Welsh) or Adrian Mole (any of his books, Sue Townsend)
Most incomprehensible plot OR/AND Most boring book - The Pope's Rhinocerus, Lawrence Norfolk
Best opening paragraph and Best closing paragraph
Here I had trouble, because most of the ones I found were only great in the context of the book, not standing on their own... so I decided for a unexpected one (if you didn't know anything about it before) and one for Jasper ;)
Best opening paragraph - "When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton" (The Lord of the rings, J. R. R. Tolkien)
Best closing paragraph - "Trevor watched them go, lingering for a few moments more by Llewelyn's grave. 'She's right, my lord Prince', he said softly. 'Wales will endure. Scriptures tell us so, tell us that one generation passeth away, and another generation cometh, but the earth abideth forever. We must remember that in the dark days that lie ahead'." (The reckoning, Sharon Penman)
Most implausible premise in any genre - Metamorphosis, Kafka: how likely is it that we wake up as bugs? ;)
New one: Best use of all 'literary methods of writing' in a book - Changing places, David Lodge
(by this I mean, if you haven't read it, developing the plot using narrative, pure dialogue, newspaper clips, ads, letters, movie scripts, personal diary, and never repeating the story and never making us lose sight of the plot)
Erm, that's it from me :)</HTML>
After a night of thinking it didn't get better tha this:
Most troubled romantic lead (male) - The vampire Louis, from all the vampire chronicles by Anne Rice (could also go in the 'character you'd most like to shake etc')
Most troubled romantic lead (female) - the mole Privet in her search for the Book of Silence (Duncton Wood tales by William Horwood) (nobody said it had to be romance in the sense of romantic love, right?)
Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life - either Renton from Trainspotting (Irvine Welsh) or Adrian Mole (any of his books, Sue Townsend)
Most incomprehensible plot OR/AND Most boring book - The Pope's Rhinocerus, Lawrence Norfolk
Best opening paragraph and Best closing paragraph
Here I had trouble, because most of the ones I found were only great in the context of the book, not standing on their own... so I decided for a unexpected one (if you didn't know anything about it before) and one for Jasper ;)
Best opening paragraph - "When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton" (The Lord of the rings, J. R. R. Tolkien)
Best closing paragraph - "Trevor watched them go, lingering for a few moments more by Llewelyn's grave. 'She's right, my lord Prince', he said softly. 'Wales will endure. Scriptures tell us so, tell us that one generation passeth away, and another generation cometh, but the earth abideth forever. We must remember that in the dark days that lie ahead'." (The reckoning, Sharon Penman)
Most implausible premise in any genre - Metamorphosis, Kafka: how likely is it that we wake up as bugs? ;)
New one: Best use of all 'literary methods of writing' in a book - Changing places, David Lodge
(by this I mean, if you haven't read it, developing the plot using narrative, pure dialogue, newspaper clips, ads, letters, movie scripts, personal diary, and never repeating the story and never making us lose sight of the plot)
Erm, that's it from me :)</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: ScarletBea (---.be.jnj.com)
Date: November 06, 2002 09:55AM
<HTML>Carla said "Character you'd most like to shake and tell to get a life: any bimbo in chick-lit books", yes! get Bridget Jones some real troubles ;)</HTML>
Re: Request from the author...
Posted by: Ooktavia (---.nv.iinet.net.au)
Date: November 06, 2002 12:06PM
<HTML>Ok.......
How abput some look-alikes?
ie
Character That Most Resembles Another (male, female, animal and other)
(Anne Rice's people, anyone?)
Ditto Plot
(Chamber of Secrets and Philosopher's Stone)
Most Thinly Disguised Political/Sexual/Ideological Satire
There's bound to be some... I'd mention Jeffery Archer's "the Accused, but it doesn't really count as prose. Or poetry.
By the way- will they be called the Juries? like the Emmies, and the grammies, etc......</HTML>
How abput some look-alikes?
ie
Character That Most Resembles Another (male, female, animal and other)
(Anne Rice's people, anyone?)
Ditto Plot
(Chamber of Secrets and Philosopher's Stone)
Most Thinly Disguised Political/Sexual/Ideological Satire
There's bound to be some... I'd mention Jeffery Archer's "the Accused, but it doesn't really count as prose. Or poetry.
By the way- will they be called the Juries? like the Emmies, and the grammies, etc......</HTML>
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