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The Diary of Samuel Pepys, aged 34 and half
Posted by: jon (---.abel.net.uk)
Date: November 07, 2002 11:47AM
<HTML>from Samuel Pepys’ Diary
November 7th 1667
(Alcohol consumed; 4 quarts of ale, 2 butts of my Lord Buckingham’s canary; similar of sack; 3 pints port. Tobacco; 19 pipes of best shag. Calories; 3 capons, half a roasted sheep, double helping of syllabub, large dish of bacon and mushrooms and half a sprout. Weight; 13 stone 6, up 8 pounds, and my wife very anxious for it).
Up betimes and to Cheapside where I saw my Lady Lustgarter, and she very willing, did repair to pantry and there did avec bon plaisir twice. To Admiralty, work very dull, did amuse myself by writing scurrilous letter about Duke of York, which did pin to notice board. Many readers much pleas’d by this, and is copy’d all over town. His Grace reported v. unhappy, and heard to say he never did such, and anyway it was his own goat.
Lunch with my Lord Rochester, and he full of latest filthy poems, at which I did laugh immoderately. Try'd to fumble waitress, but fell over and burnt left buttock in fireplace.
After noon did return to office and there did work on latest navigation devyces. All useless unless proper time is kept. Memo; must organise production of accurate watch for use at sea. Threw importunate booby Harrison out of office for annoying me with wild scheme for chronometer or some such. Left at three much bor’d.
To the Charing Cross-road, where repair’d to Mistress Foyle’s book-shop. Was struggling to follow argument in Mr. Newton’s latest when saw strange woman clad as it were in breeches lurkyng behind shelves. Accosted her and she did give her name as Thursday Next, the most strange I ever heard in my life. Very fair, so I did try dalliance, whereat she did knee my groyne, and it most painful. When recovered she did ask me if she were in the year 1667 or just in my Diary, which question I did not understand, and she did call me thirty kinds of fool. Made reference to some beast she did call a lobotomized rabbit, which I never heard before, it not being in Simpkin’s Bestiary. Offer’d her lodgings for the night, and was knee’d in the groyne once more. Left her and hobbl’d to Mr. Starbuck’s coffee-house to recover.
Over large skinny latte did meet with Mr. Evelyn, and he much pleas’d with himself at having made v. witty remark in his diary. We shall see which of us History will recall when it comes to Diaries, methinks. Told him as much, and he most vex’d and did punch my nose. Thrown out of coffee-house for disorderly conduct, and so repair’d to Fox & Goose to restore spirits with much ale. Attempted to swyve barmaid, had little finger of left hand broken for my pains.
Arriv’d home late that night to find wife berating me at 12 shillings expense for drink etc. this last week, and I indignant, and call’d her termagant and harridan, and she did break large thunder-jug over my head and call’d me several rude names. I stood on my dignity and retired to wash the shitte out of my wig. Drank port, and then try’d to squongle parlourmaid, but in my fuddlement found I was attempting congress with hat-stand, and did injure myself thereby. Apply’d cold goose-grease to damag’d area.
And so to bed.</HTML>
November 7th 1667
(Alcohol consumed; 4 quarts of ale, 2 butts of my Lord Buckingham’s canary; similar of sack; 3 pints port. Tobacco; 19 pipes of best shag. Calories; 3 capons, half a roasted sheep, double helping of syllabub, large dish of bacon and mushrooms and half a sprout. Weight; 13 stone 6, up 8 pounds, and my wife very anxious for it).
Up betimes and to Cheapside where I saw my Lady Lustgarter, and she very willing, did repair to pantry and there did avec bon plaisir twice. To Admiralty, work very dull, did amuse myself by writing scurrilous letter about Duke of York, which did pin to notice board. Many readers much pleas’d by this, and is copy’d all over town. His Grace reported v. unhappy, and heard to say he never did such, and anyway it was his own goat.
Lunch with my Lord Rochester, and he full of latest filthy poems, at which I did laugh immoderately. Try'd to fumble waitress, but fell over and burnt left buttock in fireplace.
After noon did return to office and there did work on latest navigation devyces. All useless unless proper time is kept. Memo; must organise production of accurate watch for use at sea. Threw importunate booby Harrison out of office for annoying me with wild scheme for chronometer or some such. Left at three much bor’d.
To the Charing Cross-road, where repair’d to Mistress Foyle’s book-shop. Was struggling to follow argument in Mr. Newton’s latest when saw strange woman clad as it were in breeches lurkyng behind shelves. Accosted her and she did give her name as Thursday Next, the most strange I ever heard in my life. Very fair, so I did try dalliance, whereat she did knee my groyne, and it most painful. When recovered she did ask me if she were in the year 1667 or just in my Diary, which question I did not understand, and she did call me thirty kinds of fool. Made reference to some beast she did call a lobotomized rabbit, which I never heard before, it not being in Simpkin’s Bestiary. Offer’d her lodgings for the night, and was knee’d in the groyne once more. Left her and hobbl’d to Mr. Starbuck’s coffee-house to recover.
Over large skinny latte did meet with Mr. Evelyn, and he much pleas’d with himself at having made v. witty remark in his diary. We shall see which of us History will recall when it comes to Diaries, methinks. Told him as much, and he most vex’d and did punch my nose. Thrown out of coffee-house for disorderly conduct, and so repair’d to Fox & Goose to restore spirits with much ale. Attempted to swyve barmaid, had little finger of left hand broken for my pains.
Arriv’d home late that night to find wife berating me at 12 shillings expense for drink etc. this last week, and I indignant, and call’d her termagant and harridan, and she did break large thunder-jug over my head and call’d me several rude names. I stood on my dignity and retired to wash the shitte out of my wig. Drank port, and then try’d to squongle parlourmaid, but in my fuddlement found I was attempting congress with hat-stand, and did injure myself thereby. Apply’d cold goose-grease to damag’d area.
And so to bed.</HTML>
Re: The Diary of Samuel Pepys, aged 34 and half
Posted by: polly (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: November 07, 2002 12:19PM
<HTML>Brilliant! As are all the others, of course.
Polly</HTML>
Polly</HTML>
Re: The Diary of Samuel Pepys, aged 34 and half
Posted by: ScarletBea (---.be.jnj.com)
Date: November 07, 2002 12:56PM
<HTML>*too busy laughing to tell anything*</HTML>
Re: The Diary of Samuel Pepys, aged 34 and half
Posted by: Ooktavia (---.nv.iinet.net.au)
Date: November 07, 2002 01:31PM
<HTML>EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BRIILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</HTML>
BRIILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</HTML>
Re: The Diary of Samuel Pepys, aged 34 and half
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: November 07, 2002 06:46PM
<HTML>Dammit, dammit, dammit!
Is this the future? Fusion fiction? Bung it in a shredder, flavour with references and allow laughter to rise!</HTML>
Is this the future? Fusion fiction? Bung it in a shredder, flavour with references and allow laughter to rise!</HTML>
Re: The Diary of Samuel Pepys, aged 34 and half
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: November 07, 2002 10:40PM
<HTML>Ben - does this mean you got the Bridget Jones gag, cos no bugger else has so far! And don't worry.....*other* matters are not being neglected...much. (I needed time out to read the new Pratchett, take my wife to pub, and of course we're going to see Torquay United at Bury on Saturday, plus I've got this job thing that keeps getting in the way).</HTML>
Re: The Diary of Samuel Pepys, aged 34 and half
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: November 07, 2002 11:10PM
<HTML>No worries - plus i've got a job thing to worry about now. I'm having serious issues with a few concepts though. Can anybody explain for the benefit of a bewildered student the words 'work', 'morning' and 'nine o'clock' as I don't believe I've had the pleasure of meeting them...
I've been busy reading Jane Eyre, 'cause I figured it was about time... I also now know the details of every bloody breakfast ever taken on the SS Great Britain, and not a single one offered any kind of comedy, dammit!
Is anybody else amazed by the wealth of books on unlikely subjects in local libraries. My only explanation is they're breeding the buggers. Is this a Mycroft related development.
Oh, and does anybody else reckon that Jane Eyre would be much improved if she was condemned to a life of boredom and cholera in the colonies with St John?
Just me then (only joking, btw)</HTML>
I've been busy reading Jane Eyre, 'cause I figured it was about time... I also now know the details of every bloody breakfast ever taken on the SS Great Britain, and not a single one offered any kind of comedy, dammit!
Is anybody else amazed by the wealth of books on unlikely subjects in local libraries. My only explanation is they're breeding the buggers. Is this a Mycroft related development.
Oh, and does anybody else reckon that Jane Eyre would be much improved if she was condemned to a life of boredom and cholera in the colonies with St John?
Just me then (only joking, btw)</HTML>
Re: The Diary of Samuel Pepys, aged 34 and half
Posted by: ScarletBea (---.be.jnj.com)
Date: November 08, 2002 08:07AM
<HTML>Jon!!!!
Who do you take us for????
OF COURSE we got the Bridget Jones gag, right from the very beginning with the description of the alcohol and tobacco! At first, by reading the title, I thought it'd be a pastiche of Adrian Mole ("aged 13 3/4" etc), but then as I opened the thread I saw it wasn't.
Oh, you just gave me an idea? An Adrian Mole one... now let's see, who with? Don't have enough knowledge (or liking) of 19th century english lit to suggest anyone.... Oliver Twist? lol</HTML>
Who do you take us for????
OF COURSE we got the Bridget Jones gag, right from the very beginning with the description of the alcohol and tobacco! At first, by reading the title, I thought it'd be a pastiche of Adrian Mole ("aged 13 3/4" etc), but then as I opened the thread I saw it wasn't.
Oh, you just gave me an idea? An Adrian Mole one... now let's see, who with? Don't have enough knowledge (or liking) of 19th century english lit to suggest anyone.... Oliver Twist? lol</HTML>
Re: The Diary of Samuel Pepys, aged 34 and half
Posted by: Ooktavia (---.nv.iinet.net.au)
Date: November 08, 2002 11:53AM
<HTML>No, oliver's a bit young and innocent- surely Pip or maybe Nickolas Nickelby would get on with him better (although they might all think the others are intolerably self-absorbed)
Anyway, what is Starbucks (Servants Of The Evil One) doing in 1667????? Is this not a anachronism on a par with Cardenio seeking Lucinda in a Range Rover? Or has Dr Evil's No2 REALLY branched out since they novellised the films?</HTML>
Anyway, what is Starbucks (Servants Of The Evil One) doing in 1667????? Is this not a anachronism on a par with Cardenio seeking Lucinda in a Range Rover? Or has Dr Evil's No2 REALLY branched out since they novellised the films?</HTML>
Re: Starbucks Pepyshow
Posted by: jon (---.abel.net.uk)
Date: November 08, 2002 12:30PM
<HTML>Not very much of an anachronism; gents in Pepys day spent much of their time in coffee-houses and nobody in Restoration England was going to call one Coffee Republic, was they? Starbuck even sounds vaguely 17th century. And call me Mr. Never-goes-to-the-cinema, but what's Dr. Evil got to do with it?
In re Adrian Mole, the definitive one has already been done; Diary of A. Mole (as in Wind in the Willows). (I have decided that spring-cleaning is a bourgeois activity ...)</HTML>
In re Adrian Mole, the definitive one has already been done; Diary of A. Mole (as in Wind in the Willows). (I have decided that spring-cleaning is a bourgeois activity ...)</HTML>
wind in the willows
Posted by: ScarletBea (---.be.jnj.com)
Date: November 08, 2002 01:14PM
<HTML>Wind in the willows has one of my favourite quotes, although a bit smug ;)
"The best of the holidays is not so much having nothing to do, but rather seeing others extremely busy when you don't have anything to do"
(or something of the kind lol)</HTML>
"The best of the holidays is not so much having nothing to do, but rather seeing others extremely busy when you don't have anything to do"
(or something of the kind lol)</HTML>
Re: wind in the willows
Posted by: Ooktavia (---.nv.iinet.net.au)
Date: November 19, 2002 10:08AM
<HTML>DR Evil, in the Austin Powers films, owns starbucks. I wasn't querying the presence of coffeehouses- only a coffee chain that orginated in the 1990s......
I didn't drink coffee til I came to Australia......</HTML>
I didn't drink coffee til I came to Australia......</HTML>
Re: Starbuck's
Posted by: Jon (---.abel.net.uk)
Date: November 19, 2002 10:20AM
<HTML>Aha...all becomes clear. Never seen Austin Powers, you see. Never been in a Starbucks, for that matter!
Anyway, it isn't a proper parody without at least one anachronism. Otherwise it would just be plagiarism....</HTML>
Anyway, it isn't a proper parody without at least one anachronism. Otherwise it would just be plagiarism....</HTML>
Re: Starbuck's
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: November 20, 2002 11:48AM
<HTML>"An original idea, plagarised from...."</HTML>
Re: Starbuck's
Posted by: Ooktavia (---.nv.iinet.net.au)
Date: November 22, 2002 12:37PM
<HTML>Plagiarise, plagiarise, plagiarise!
Remeber that's why Nature made your eyes!</HTML>
Remeber that's why Nature made your eyes!</HTML>
Re: Starbuck's
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: November 22, 2002 01:01PM
<HTML>Never swive by the garden gate,
Love is blind but the neighbours ain't.</HTML>
Love is blind but the neighbours ain't.</HTML>
Re: Starbuck's
Posted by: Magda (---.dialip.mich.net)
Date: November 25, 2002 06:39PM
<HTML>Plagiarise, plagiaris, plagiarise....but please remember always to call it "reserach".</HTML>
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