ThursdayNext : www.jasperfforde.com
A discussion of all things Thursday !
Shameless appeal to the masses
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: November 20, 2002 10:08PM
<HTML><i>Chapter 28 of Fictional Big Brother, and Winston has been called to the diary room for keeping his own diary.</i>
"Winston. Do you recall the rules of Big Brother?"
"In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In victory: magnamity. In peace: goodwill."
"No, Winston. The rules said 'No bloody writing. We don't want the proles thinking we're high-brow, do we? Give Big Brother the book."
"I have nothing to offer except blood, toil, tears and sweat."
"Winston, Big Brother strongly dissaproves of this. You realise the consequence?"
"It is an riddle wrapped up in a mystery wrapped up in a n enigma."
"No. It's simple. Give Big Brother the book or we'll kick you off. Now hand it over."
"Now this is not the end, nor even the beginning of the end."
"It will be if we don't get that fecking diary off you..."
<i>Meanwhile the attempt to increase ratings by an illicit shag between Helen and Paul has gone astray after she died of consumption. Big Brother is currently trying to sue Bronte for this cock-up. Elsewhere Violet Elizabeth and Smeagol are talking about speech impediments...</i>
"Itth tho unfair to have dialogue written all funny."
"Yesss, my preciousss. It ssstinksss."
"Itth perfectly beathtly. Bathtardth."
"But we will getsss z-lissst ssselebrity.."
"Well, yeth. I thuppothe that will help. But if I don't get proper dialogue I'm going the thcweam and thcweam until I'm thick."
"Sssounds like you're a big Brother contessstant to me..."
<i>Meanwhile some of the other contestants are convinced that Richard is plotting against them...</i>
"It's just a hunch..."
<i>And Nasty Nick has been accused of homophobia by Oscar</i>
"All I said was I enjoy bashing Squeers. It's not my fault if that moralist bastard Dickens gave me a stupidly named opponent, is it?"
"A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies, and a book is never moral or immoral. Books are well-written or badly written. Anyway, we are all in the gutter press, and some of us read the Star."
"I prefer the Sun, me."
<i>After Winston has left to face possible punsihment by Big Brother, Bridgette has been called to the diary room...</i>
"Bridgette, Big Brother has noticed that you spent a large part of the house budget on yourself. What did you purchase?"
"Fags: 220, v.bad; Alcohol; lots v.v.bad..,"
<i>Finally the housemates go to bed, which really pisses off those sad idiots watching on webcams in the hope of nocturnal action before we can switch the cameras off. But who gets evicted next, and does anybody give a toss - you decide..."</i></HTML>
"Winston. Do you recall the rules of Big Brother?"
"In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In victory: magnamity. In peace: goodwill."
"No, Winston. The rules said 'No bloody writing. We don't want the proles thinking we're high-brow, do we? Give Big Brother the book."
"I have nothing to offer except blood, toil, tears and sweat."
"Winston, Big Brother strongly dissaproves of this. You realise the consequence?"
"It is an riddle wrapped up in a mystery wrapped up in a n enigma."
"No. It's simple. Give Big Brother the book or we'll kick you off. Now hand it over."
"Now this is not the end, nor even the beginning of the end."
"It will be if we don't get that fecking diary off you..."
<i>Meanwhile the attempt to increase ratings by an illicit shag between Helen and Paul has gone astray after she died of consumption. Big Brother is currently trying to sue Bronte for this cock-up. Elsewhere Violet Elizabeth and Smeagol are talking about speech impediments...</i>
"Itth tho unfair to have dialogue written all funny."
"Yesss, my preciousss. It ssstinksss."
"Itth perfectly beathtly. Bathtardth."
"But we will getsss z-lissst ssselebrity.."
"Well, yeth. I thuppothe that will help. But if I don't get proper dialogue I'm going the thcweam and thcweam until I'm thick."
"Sssounds like you're a big Brother contessstant to me..."
<i>Meanwhile some of the other contestants are convinced that Richard is plotting against them...</i>
"It's just a hunch..."
<i>And Nasty Nick has been accused of homophobia by Oscar</i>
"All I said was I enjoy bashing Squeers. It's not my fault if that moralist bastard Dickens gave me a stupidly named opponent, is it?"
"A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies, and a book is never moral or immoral. Books are well-written or badly written. Anyway, we are all in the gutter press, and some of us read the Star."
"I prefer the Sun, me."
<i>After Winston has left to face possible punsihment by Big Brother, Bridgette has been called to the diary room...</i>
"Bridgette, Big Brother has noticed that you spent a large part of the house budget on yourself. What did you purchase?"
"Fags: 220, v.bad; Alcohol; lots v.v.bad..,"
<i>Finally the housemates go to bed, which really pisses off those sad idiots watching on webcams in the hope of nocturnal action before we can switch the cameras off. But who gets evicted next, and does anybody give a toss - you decide..."</i></HTML>
Re: Shameless appeal to the masses
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: November 20, 2002 10:12PM
<HTML>Er, anybody fancy subediting my next attempt? I've just noticed loads of missing characters and stuff. Oh dear...</HTML>
Re: Shameless appeal to the masses
Posted by: Jon (---.abel.net.uk)
Date: November 21, 2002 01:16PM
<HTML>Fictional Big Brother – Latest Update from the House
Well, it’s been an exciting chapter here. Hercules has complained about always having to do the daily task, and he really threw a strop when he was sent to the stables! Meanwhile several contestants have been shamelessly trying to manipulate the others to ensure their survival, but it backfired on Becky Sharpe, when she was sensationally ejected from the House for consistent cheating. She left without another word to anyone, but we understand her next engagement may be at some sort of fair.
Other news; Oliver Twist has been asking for more again, and not getting it, while Shylock tried to cut a deal with Mr. Darcy over the washing-up, but was turned down as Darcy felt his price was a little high. Shylock was later heard to accuse Darcy of being both proud and prejudiced. Dorothea Brooke has been doing good works for many of the contestants, but her efforts seem to have gone unnoticed. The Wizard of Earthsea has made himself unpopular by refusing to tell anyone his name, while our other wizards have all been in trouble; Gandalf was told off for smoking inside the house, and Merlin has had his owl confiscated.
Latest evictee Lucy Snowe was asked about her future plans, but refused to reveal her next move, saying only that it was ‘open-ended’, while Professor Lidenbrock is apparently seeking an opening in geology.
Don Juan and Casanova came to blows over who would enjoy the favours of Queen Christina, but she was heard to say that she would rather be alone, and anyway they were ‘wasting their time’. The two later made it up, and spent the afternoon watching the Thursday Next Workout video. Captain Ahab has been at the fishpond all day, Captain Nemo has been hogging the bath, and Captain Haddock has been listening to the Thompson Twins on his Walkman. Jack Aubrey and Horatio Hornblower have been up to something in the rigging, and Marvin the Paranoid Android has been depressing his Nintendo. Meanwhile nobody’s sure what Cardenio’s been up to.
News of the animals now, and it has become clear that it was a mistake to put the Flopsy Bunnies in where the wild things were. The cat in the hat has been stalking the three blind mice, and Shere Khan has tried to eat the Wombles. Great Uncle Bulgaria later said that if they didn’t get more support from the other housemates they might have to move to Milton Keynes.
Finally, news of the ongoing romance between Harry Flashman and Lady Bracknell. We’re not sure quite what happened, but we think handbags may have been involved.
That’s the way it is in Fictional Big Brother. Stay tuned!</HTML>
Well, it’s been an exciting chapter here. Hercules has complained about always having to do the daily task, and he really threw a strop when he was sent to the stables! Meanwhile several contestants have been shamelessly trying to manipulate the others to ensure their survival, but it backfired on Becky Sharpe, when she was sensationally ejected from the House for consistent cheating. She left without another word to anyone, but we understand her next engagement may be at some sort of fair.
Other news; Oliver Twist has been asking for more again, and not getting it, while Shylock tried to cut a deal with Mr. Darcy over the washing-up, but was turned down as Darcy felt his price was a little high. Shylock was later heard to accuse Darcy of being both proud and prejudiced. Dorothea Brooke has been doing good works for many of the contestants, but her efforts seem to have gone unnoticed. The Wizard of Earthsea has made himself unpopular by refusing to tell anyone his name, while our other wizards have all been in trouble; Gandalf was told off for smoking inside the house, and Merlin has had his owl confiscated.
Latest evictee Lucy Snowe was asked about her future plans, but refused to reveal her next move, saying only that it was ‘open-ended’, while Professor Lidenbrock is apparently seeking an opening in geology.
Don Juan and Casanova came to blows over who would enjoy the favours of Queen Christina, but she was heard to say that she would rather be alone, and anyway they were ‘wasting their time’. The two later made it up, and spent the afternoon watching the Thursday Next Workout video. Captain Ahab has been at the fishpond all day, Captain Nemo has been hogging the bath, and Captain Haddock has been listening to the Thompson Twins on his Walkman. Jack Aubrey and Horatio Hornblower have been up to something in the rigging, and Marvin the Paranoid Android has been depressing his Nintendo. Meanwhile nobody’s sure what Cardenio’s been up to.
News of the animals now, and it has become clear that it was a mistake to put the Flopsy Bunnies in where the wild things were. The cat in the hat has been stalking the three blind mice, and Shere Khan has tried to eat the Wombles. Great Uncle Bulgaria later said that if they didn’t get more support from the other housemates they might have to move to Milton Keynes.
Finally, news of the ongoing romance between Harry Flashman and Lady Bracknell. We’re not sure quite what happened, but we think handbags may have been involved.
That’s the way it is in Fictional Big Brother. Stay tuned!</HTML>
Re: Shameless appeal to the masses
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: November 22, 2002 12:54PM
<HTML><i>Chapter 34 in the Fictional Big Brother House, and in yet another attempt to increase ratings, Channel Toad have introduced their latest reality TV star - poetic Brummie legend Ozzy Mandias. Ozzy is currently complaining about Alice...</i>
"All people see on TV is Alice through the fookin' glass. And I've done more exciting things to white rabbits than eating them. Look on my family, ye fookin' mighty, and despair..."
<i>Meanwhile the housemates are making their shopping list. The wisdom of leaving it to Schindler is being questioned...</i>
"He won't stop writing stuff. It's like he thinks there's a war on or something..."
<i>There's also an argument in the graden, after Mary left her pet with Bo...</i>
"He's my favourite lamb! How can you not know where he is?"
<i>And tensions are also rising outside the bathroom, after Gruoch locked herself in for five hours to 'wash her hands'. Fanny Hill accused her of being obsessed with cleanliness, and Gruoch raised the temperature by calling Fanny Hill 'dirty'. Join us later on Fictional Big Brother for more updates on this situation...</i></HTML>
"All people see on TV is Alice through the fookin' glass. And I've done more exciting things to white rabbits than eating them. Look on my family, ye fookin' mighty, and despair..."
<i>Meanwhile the housemates are making their shopping list. The wisdom of leaving it to Schindler is being questioned...</i>
"He won't stop writing stuff. It's like he thinks there's a war on or something..."
<i>There's also an argument in the graden, after Mary left her pet with Bo...</i>
"He's my favourite lamb! How can you not know where he is?"
<i>And tensions are also rising outside the bathroom, after Gruoch locked herself in for five hours to 'wash her hands'. Fanny Hill accused her of being obsessed with cleanliness, and Gruoch raised the temperature by calling Fanny Hill 'dirty'. Join us later on Fictional Big Brother for more updates on this situation...</i></HTML>
Re: Shameless appeal to the masses
Posted by: Sarah H Egginton (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 01, 2002 03:04PM
<HTML>Heheheheheheee! This is great stuff.</HTML>
Re: Shameless appeal to the masses
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: December 01, 2002 10:59PM
<HTML>Er, better double the dose...</HTML>
Re: Shameless appeal to the masses
Posted by: Sarah H Egginton (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 02, 2002 12:10PM
<HTML>As long as you also double my dose of dried frog pills, Ben. ;-)</HTML>
Re: Shameless appeal to the masses
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: December 02, 2002 01:22PM
<HTML>Er...
(FX: sound of footsteps retreating rapidly...)</HTML>
(FX: sound of footsteps retreating rapidly...)</HTML>
Re: Shameless appeal to the masses
Posted by: poestscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: December 20, 2002 01:13AM
<HTML>Glad to see this died a decent death before we got totally carried away, eh Jon?</HTML>
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.