ThursdayNext : www.jasperfforde.com
A discussion of all things Thursday !
Dire (not straight, just dire)
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: November 27, 2002 12:43PM
<HTML>I couldn't choose a single song to parody off this album, so I did most of them...
Enjoy -
<b>So Far Away...</b> - Performed by Thursday
Here I am sat in an unwritten book,
and you're so far away from me.
You aren't here to laugh when Pickwick gives that look,
And you're so far away from me.
Chorus:
So far away from me,
So far, I don't want to read.
So far away from me,
You're so far away from me.
I'm tired of being in love and being fictional,
When you're so far away from me.
Living in this book has been predictable,
And you're so far away from me.
chorus
And I get so tired when I have to explain,
About this man i loved called Landen Parke-Laine.
I'm living in a house-boat 'cause I needed to be safe,
but you're so far away from me.
<b>Money for nothing...</b> - Sung by Goliath
Look at that prose-portal - that's the way to do it,
It saves a fortune on your R&D,
If it ain't working, just go and write a booklet,
The prose-portal spews it out for free.
Oh yeah, get a prose-portal - that's the way to do it,
Goliath's got an answer and it's nearly free,
Yeah, we've got no morals, but we turning out a profit,
And what Goliath does, Goliath don't see.
Chorus:
We've got to make a plasma rifle,
We got to keep us in this war,
War with Russia, keeps us earning profits,
It's our bottom line's guarantee.
See that bastard Jack Schitt who's been trapped inside this poem?
Yeah buddy, that's his lines there.
That bastard Jack Schitt is probably quite evil,
But he's making us profits so we don't care.
Chorus
We should have learned to read some novels,
We've seen Miss Next get lost in a book,
She's one mean Mamma, wish she was on our side,
We'll have to get revenge by stealing Landen.
And she's working with, who's that? Miss Havisham?
She's driving like a criminal on ITV,
But our prose-portal probably ain't working,
But we want to get our rifles working soon you see...
<b>Walk of (after) life...</b> - sung for, and possibly by, Spike
Here come's Stoker staking oldies, goldies,
Just-bop-a-vampire and run away.
Here comes Spike, cleaning up the undead,
Down in the tunnels trying to make it pay,
Chorus:
He got the action, got the motion,
Yeah, the boy can play,
Dedication, devotion,
Staking out the vampires till the break of day...
You do the song about the sweet talking banshee,
You do the song about staking the heart,
You do the stalk, stalk the afterlife.
Here comes Stoker and he'll tell you the story,
Hand me down my garlic cloves,
Here comes Stoker and he's looking quite gory,
S.E.Bs and damned werewolves,
He got the got the action, got the motion etc
<b>Save the World</b> (by Corporal Next)
All the centuries I've passed through,
Between the start of time and the end,
And prehistoric memories,
Of futures still unseen.
And timeslips unexplored,
They're all destined for somebody else,
'Cause I went back in time to see myself die,
But I couldn't see what did in for me.
I didn't see how it happened,
It all took place so quick,
But all I can do,
Is put my hand on that goo,
And go back in time...
(cue massive sax solo...)
<b>Why Worry </b>
Thursday, I see this world has made you sad,
Goliath can be bad,
They things they do the things they say,
But Thursday, please wipe away those bitter tears,
Don't give in to your fears,
You'll get Landen back some day.
Why worry? You've still got Landen in your mind,
If you close your eyes you'll find,
He's still alive in your head,
So why worry now?
Thursday, When I get down I turn to you,
Think of Pickwick and I smile,
I know it isn't hard to say.
Thursday, When this world seems bad and cold,
There's still more story to unfold,
All the rest is by the way.
chorus.
<b>Thursday's Too Strong.</b> - sung by an unamed Goliath operative
Well I'm just an aging Goliath op,
Against Next I used to fight,
And I've seen her fight,
It's a right old torture session.
Now they say I am a criminal,
But that's the way that we're trained,
And nobody hears Goliath confessing.
We often used robbery,
Denied it of course,
We nicked the prose-portal,
For better or worse,
We re-wrote history,
With Chronoguard crooks,
Erased memories,
And we'll burn all the books,
But I can still hear her laughter,
I can still hear her song,
Thursday's too good,
Thursday's too strong...
We took out Landen,
but she still had her child,
Got Jack Schitt out,
But he was too riled.
Stuck her in walls,
With Miss Havisham,
But they escaped from us,
Where could they have gone?
But I can still hear her laughter,
I can still hear her song,
Thursday's too good,
Thursday's too strong...
Well the sun rose on our courtyard,
And we al heard Jack Schitt say,
'I'm destined to kill Thursday, I'm going to make her pay,
She may have stopped the rifle, but the machine will work some day,
And when I'm fictional, she's going to make my day.'
But I can still hear her laughter,
I can still hear her song,
Thursday's too good,
Thursday's too strong...
<b>Jane Eyre in my Arms</b> - Sung by Rochester
These smoke covered ruins,
Are a home now for me.
But thank's to Thursday Next,
My Jane's here with me.
And I hope that she returned to,
The love that she craved,
For it wasn't my author
Put Jane Eyre in my arms.
Though my home's been burn down,
And I'm now lame and blind,
I saw Thursday's calmness,
When Hades was wild.
And my wounds do not hurt so bad,
Though they caused me alarm,
It was Thursday that
Put Jane back into my arms.
There's so many different plots,
So many different books,
But we have only one,
But it's now a happy end.
Now Hades is in Hell,
And Bertha lies nearby,
Let me bid you farewell, now,
Every book has to end.
Just when I thought I'd lost Jane,
Thursday was my friend,
And Thursday put Jane Eyre back into my arms.
<i>NB - for musical illiterates the album is 'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits</i>
And Jon & Dave - I just know that you've been playing air guitar to this...</HTML>
Enjoy -
<b>So Far Away...</b> - Performed by Thursday
Here I am sat in an unwritten book,
and you're so far away from me.
You aren't here to laugh when Pickwick gives that look,
And you're so far away from me.
Chorus:
So far away from me,
So far, I don't want to read.
So far away from me,
You're so far away from me.
I'm tired of being in love and being fictional,
When you're so far away from me.
Living in this book has been predictable,
And you're so far away from me.
chorus
And I get so tired when I have to explain,
About this man i loved called Landen Parke-Laine.
I'm living in a house-boat 'cause I needed to be safe,
but you're so far away from me.
<b>Money for nothing...</b> - Sung by Goliath
Look at that prose-portal - that's the way to do it,
It saves a fortune on your R&D,
If it ain't working, just go and write a booklet,
The prose-portal spews it out for free.
Oh yeah, get a prose-portal - that's the way to do it,
Goliath's got an answer and it's nearly free,
Yeah, we've got no morals, but we turning out a profit,
And what Goliath does, Goliath don't see.
Chorus:
We've got to make a plasma rifle,
We got to keep us in this war,
War with Russia, keeps us earning profits,
It's our bottom line's guarantee.
See that bastard Jack Schitt who's been trapped inside this poem?
Yeah buddy, that's his lines there.
That bastard Jack Schitt is probably quite evil,
But he's making us profits so we don't care.
Chorus
We should have learned to read some novels,
We've seen Miss Next get lost in a book,
She's one mean Mamma, wish she was on our side,
We'll have to get revenge by stealing Landen.
And she's working with, who's that? Miss Havisham?
She's driving like a criminal on ITV,
But our prose-portal probably ain't working,
But we want to get our rifles working soon you see...
<b>Walk of (after) life...</b> - sung for, and possibly by, Spike
Here come's Stoker staking oldies, goldies,
Just-bop-a-vampire and run away.
Here comes Spike, cleaning up the undead,
Down in the tunnels trying to make it pay,
Chorus:
He got the action, got the motion,
Yeah, the boy can play,
Dedication, devotion,
Staking out the vampires till the break of day...
You do the song about the sweet talking banshee,
You do the song about staking the heart,
You do the stalk, stalk the afterlife.
Here comes Stoker and he'll tell you the story,
Hand me down my garlic cloves,
Here comes Stoker and he's looking quite gory,
S.E.Bs and damned werewolves,
He got the got the action, got the motion etc
<b>Save the World</b> (by Corporal Next)
All the centuries I've passed through,
Between the start of time and the end,
And prehistoric memories,
Of futures still unseen.
And timeslips unexplored,
They're all destined for somebody else,
'Cause I went back in time to see myself die,
But I couldn't see what did in for me.
I didn't see how it happened,
It all took place so quick,
But all I can do,
Is put my hand on that goo,
And go back in time...
(cue massive sax solo...)
<b>Why Worry </b>
Thursday, I see this world has made you sad,
Goliath can be bad,
They things they do the things they say,
But Thursday, please wipe away those bitter tears,
Don't give in to your fears,
You'll get Landen back some day.
Why worry? You've still got Landen in your mind,
If you close your eyes you'll find,
He's still alive in your head,
So why worry now?
Thursday, When I get down I turn to you,
Think of Pickwick and I smile,
I know it isn't hard to say.
Thursday, When this world seems bad and cold,
There's still more story to unfold,
All the rest is by the way.
chorus.
<b>Thursday's Too Strong.</b> - sung by an unamed Goliath operative
Well I'm just an aging Goliath op,
Against Next I used to fight,
And I've seen her fight,
It's a right old torture session.
Now they say I am a criminal,
But that's the way that we're trained,
And nobody hears Goliath confessing.
We often used robbery,
Denied it of course,
We nicked the prose-portal,
For better or worse,
We re-wrote history,
With Chronoguard crooks,
Erased memories,
And we'll burn all the books,
But I can still hear her laughter,
I can still hear her song,
Thursday's too good,
Thursday's too strong...
We took out Landen,
but she still had her child,
Got Jack Schitt out,
But he was too riled.
Stuck her in walls,
With Miss Havisham,
But they escaped from us,
Where could they have gone?
But I can still hear her laughter,
I can still hear her song,
Thursday's too good,
Thursday's too strong...
Well the sun rose on our courtyard,
And we al heard Jack Schitt say,
'I'm destined to kill Thursday, I'm going to make her pay,
She may have stopped the rifle, but the machine will work some day,
And when I'm fictional, she's going to make my day.'
But I can still hear her laughter,
I can still hear her song,
Thursday's too good,
Thursday's too strong...
<b>Jane Eyre in my Arms</b> - Sung by Rochester
These smoke covered ruins,
Are a home now for me.
But thank's to Thursday Next,
My Jane's here with me.
And I hope that she returned to,
The love that she craved,
For it wasn't my author
Put Jane Eyre in my arms.
Though my home's been burn down,
And I'm now lame and blind,
I saw Thursday's calmness,
When Hades was wild.
And my wounds do not hurt so bad,
Though they caused me alarm,
It was Thursday that
Put Jane back into my arms.
There's so many different plots,
So many different books,
But we have only one,
But it's now a happy end.
Now Hades is in Hell,
And Bertha lies nearby,
Let me bid you farewell, now,
Every book has to end.
Just when I thought I'd lost Jane,
Thursday was my friend,
And Thursday put Jane Eyre back into my arms.
<i>NB - for musical illiterates the album is 'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits</i>
And Jon & Dave - I just know that you've been playing air guitar to this...</HTML>
Re: Dire (not straight, just dire)
Posted by: Jon (---.abel.net.uk)
Date: November 27, 2002 01:00PM
<HTML>As if we would ...... I was singing along with Spike when the boss walked in, though....thanks for that.</HTML>
Re: Dire (not straight, just dire)
Posted by: ScarletBea (---.be.jnj.com)
Date: November 27, 2002 01:07PM
<HTML>GAWD I LOVED it, I'm also singing along to most of them (just can't remember the 'too strong' one)
You also made me laugh out loud, I'm glad there was no one around ;)</HTML>
You also made me laugh out loud, I'm glad there was no one around ;)</HTML>
Re: Dire (not straight, just dire)
Posted by: Sarah H Egginton (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: November 30, 2002 03:45PM
<HTML>Wow - at last some parodies I can appreciate! (I've posted a rather rueful message elsewhere about my almost complete ignorance regarding chart music.) But I do like Dire Straits, and this is something else. Who's a clever Poetscientistdrinker then?!</HTML>
Re: Dire (not straight, just dire)
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: November 30, 2002 07:22PM
<HTML>Not me - and I got the exam results to prove it...</HTML>
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