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French Revisionists Exposed
Posted by: Jon (---.abel.net.uk)
Date: December 06, 2002 09:46AM
<HTML><p><i>The following text has been recovered from the files of the <b>Societe
Anonyme des Revisionnaires Francais. </b>Unfortunately I used one of those
universal translation tools you can get off the net, and it hasn't come across
quite as well as I'd hoped ... Still, here it is:</i></p>
<p><b><font face="Arial Black"><font color="#FF0000">SA</font><font color="#0000FF">RF</font>
Letter of News </font><font face="Arial">(</font></b><font face="Arial">edition
2445)</font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">Greetings cordial to all agents of provocation of the
S.A.R.F., whenever you might be! Tidings of joyousness in this issue as we are
in celebration of the efforts magnificent of Agents Lavoisier and Marat. After
their triumph spectacular on the field of battle at Hastings, they have secured
another victory notable by encompassing the death of the Englishman of perfidy
the Admiral Lord Nelson. The glory! The triumph! The honour of the Fatherland to
our agents! Alas, our comrades brave were unable to amend the result of the
battle of Trafalgar, thanks to the wiles of dastard of the English agent known
only as the Colonel Next. </font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">This further example of the perfidy of Albion should only
our resolve strengthen to combat by all means possible the machinations of those
who have usurped our glorious Fatherland's position at the head of world
culture. Is it right, we ask, that such small posers as the bumpkin Shakespeare,
the charlatan Dickens, the insane sisters Bronte and the miserabilist Hardy
should be throughout the world known, yet our own glories of the art such as the
masters magnificent Racine, Corneille, Rabelais, Flaubert and Baudelaire remain
as yet unheard of in so many quarters of the world? We say, is this just? Is
this fair? By the holy blue, it is not! It is true that by much effort, and not
a little of the cunning, we have achieved for Proust a position in the ranks of
literatists which to be frank, my friends, he does not deserve, but this is a
victory small to set against the obstacles that yet confront us. We must contend
at all times, and indeed <i>in</i> all times, to strive with might against the
eminence unjustified of the English. We discard them, the shopkeepers, with
their warm beer and their attempts pathetic to speak our glorious tongue, with
'the pen of my aunt is under the table' and 'the monkey is in the tree' and
their foolish lists of verbs irregular. We shall teach them to name stations on
the way of iron after the battle of Waterloo, shall we not! (We did consider
with seriousness the naming of the Station of the North in Paris after some
great victory of France over England, but alas we could not think of any).</font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">To matters grave now. I am of desolation at having to
inform you of a failure dismal. After our successes at the previous tournament,
when the Brazilian Ronaldo was replaced by one of our own agents for the final
match, it is with sorrow that I must report abject failure at the Cup of the
World tournament of soccer in Japan. All our efforts were thwarted by an agent
in the pay of the English, a Madam Nakajima. Alas, due to an attack of the virus
of mispellment, we kidnapped a lady by the name of Madam <i>Nakijima</i>, and
the real agent was able by some as yet unknown means of deviousness to destroy
all hopes of our success. However, we have exacted some small measure of revenge
by having the entire team of the English cricket now in Australia replaced by
Frenchmen.</font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">That is all, my braves, until the next time, but recall:
work ceaselessly to advance the cause of the France! Struggle with all of your
might against the work of the arrogant and small-minded English! Keep up the
work of deconstruction! And above all, my comrades, keep the English drinking
the Piat d'Or!</font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">To see you</font></p>
<p><i><font face="Arial"><b>Jacques Merde</b>, Controller Extraordinary, SARF</font></i></p></HTML>
Anonyme des Revisionnaires Francais. </b>Unfortunately I used one of those
universal translation tools you can get off the net, and it hasn't come across
quite as well as I'd hoped ... Still, here it is:</i></p>
<p><b><font face="Arial Black"><font color="#FF0000">SA</font><font color="#0000FF">RF</font>
Letter of News </font><font face="Arial">(</font></b><font face="Arial">edition
2445)</font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">Greetings cordial to all agents of provocation of the
S.A.R.F., whenever you might be! Tidings of joyousness in this issue as we are
in celebration of the efforts magnificent of Agents Lavoisier and Marat. After
their triumph spectacular on the field of battle at Hastings, they have secured
another victory notable by encompassing the death of the Englishman of perfidy
the Admiral Lord Nelson. The glory! The triumph! The honour of the Fatherland to
our agents! Alas, our comrades brave were unable to amend the result of the
battle of Trafalgar, thanks to the wiles of dastard of the English agent known
only as the Colonel Next. </font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">This further example of the perfidy of Albion should only
our resolve strengthen to combat by all means possible the machinations of those
who have usurped our glorious Fatherland's position at the head of world
culture. Is it right, we ask, that such small posers as the bumpkin Shakespeare,
the charlatan Dickens, the insane sisters Bronte and the miserabilist Hardy
should be throughout the world known, yet our own glories of the art such as the
masters magnificent Racine, Corneille, Rabelais, Flaubert and Baudelaire remain
as yet unheard of in so many quarters of the world? We say, is this just? Is
this fair? By the holy blue, it is not! It is true that by much effort, and not
a little of the cunning, we have achieved for Proust a position in the ranks of
literatists which to be frank, my friends, he does not deserve, but this is a
victory small to set against the obstacles that yet confront us. We must contend
at all times, and indeed <i>in</i> all times, to strive with might against the
eminence unjustified of the English. We discard them, the shopkeepers, with
their warm beer and their attempts pathetic to speak our glorious tongue, with
'the pen of my aunt is under the table' and 'the monkey is in the tree' and
their foolish lists of verbs irregular. We shall teach them to name stations on
the way of iron after the battle of Waterloo, shall we not! (We did consider
with seriousness the naming of the Station of the North in Paris after some
great victory of France over England, but alas we could not think of any).</font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">To matters grave now. I am of desolation at having to
inform you of a failure dismal. After our successes at the previous tournament,
when the Brazilian Ronaldo was replaced by one of our own agents for the final
match, it is with sorrow that I must report abject failure at the Cup of the
World tournament of soccer in Japan. All our efforts were thwarted by an agent
in the pay of the English, a Madam Nakajima. Alas, due to an attack of the virus
of mispellment, we kidnapped a lady by the name of Madam <i>Nakijima</i>, and
the real agent was able by some as yet unknown means of deviousness to destroy
all hopes of our success. However, we have exacted some small measure of revenge
by having the entire team of the English cricket now in Australia replaced by
Frenchmen.</font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">That is all, my braves, until the next time, but recall:
work ceaselessly to advance the cause of the France! Struggle with all of your
might against the work of the arrogant and small-minded English! Keep up the
work of deconstruction! And above all, my comrades, keep the English drinking
the Piat d'Or!</font></p>
<p><font face="Arial">To see you</font></p>
<p><i><font face="Arial"><b>Jacques Merde</b>, Controller Extraordinary, SARF</font></i></p></HTML>
Re: French Revisionists Exposed
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: December 06, 2002 10:34AM
<HTML>I was hoping this would turn out to be one of <em>those</em> websites....
Still, nevermind eh?</HTML>
Still, nevermind eh?</HTML>
Re: French Revisionists Exposed
Posted by: Jon (---.abel.net.uk)
Date: December 06, 2002 10:43AM
<HTML>we are not of the understanding of that last remark ...</HTML>
Re: French Revisionists Exposed
Posted by: Pierre de Brighton (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: December 06, 2002 10:47AM
<HTML>I fart in in your timestream! Your chronology was a hedgehog! I poo-poo your English sundials and pick my nose at your 'cooking'...</HTML>
Re: French Revisionists Exposed
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 06, 2002 11:40AM
<HTML>Ha! I have you at last, Pierre! This is the ChronoGuard, and you're under arrest for grave interference with the timestream. And you've no idea how much satisfaction this gives me. We've been tracking you for the next 34 years.</HTML>
Pierre's last stand
Posted by: Pierre de Brighton (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: December 06, 2002 11:44AM
<HTML>(dodgy french accent to be affected for the remainder of this skit)
Hah! You think your pathetic english jails can hold me? Who do you think burnt down the Bastille, eh? And I only used two wet rags and a rusty yucca plant to do it! But first I shall poor this fine Cognac over me and set fire to it, because when Pierre goes down - he goes down in flames! (aside: and my lover has never forgiven me for it either...)</HTML>
Hah! You think your pathetic english jails can hold me? Who do you think burnt down the Bastille, eh? And I only used two wet rags and a rusty yucca plant to do it! But first I shall poor this fine Cognac over me and set fire to it, because when Pierre goes down - he goes down in flames! (aside: and my lover has never forgiven me for it either...)</HTML>
Re: Pierre's last stand
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 06, 2002 11:47AM
<HTML>Fair enough. That saves a whole stack of paperwork. [shrugs shoulders] OK, next case. This time I'm after Jacques Merde himself...</HTML>
Re: Pierre's last stand
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: December 07, 2002 03:03PM
<HTML>Can I just say I told Bea the original 'Pierre' joke in all its glory down the pub last night and she couldn't speak for ages 'cause of laughter. Some people are just so childish when it comes to rude jokes...</HTML>
Re: Pierre's last stand
Posted by: ScarletBea (---.telepac.pt)
Date: December 07, 2002 10:24PM
<HTML>yeah yeah call me childish!
I bet you laughed too the first time you heard it
*goes and sulks in the corner and next time won't allow you to sleep in the same room as me...*
You do have a way with words though :D</HTML>
I bet you laughed too the first time you heard it
*goes and sulks in the corner and next time won't allow you to sleep in the same room as me...*
You do have a way with words though :D</HTML>
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