ThursdayNext : www.jasperfforde.com
A discussion of all things Thursday !
Sprout curry
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 07, 2002 12:19PM
<HTML>To: Major-General A D Gregorian, SO-12
From: Captain S H Goode-Evans [working as S H Egginton]
Re: Investigation into temporal properties of sprout curry
Date: 25 August 2015
Sir,
I wish to record a formal protest against the waste of ChronoGuard time and resources in continuing to pursue the above investigation. As you are well aware, my results so far have conclusively proved that sprout curry on its own is not a danger to the time stream. Not only must the curry be combined with dried frog pills and a certain extremely precise quantity of alcohol to have any effect whatsoever, but the composition of the curry itself is also very important. The addition of too much fenugreek will completely neutralise any destabilising effects. I repeat my initial recommendations that all commercially available sprout curries should contain at least 1.07% fenugreek and bear an official SpecOps health warning to the effect that they should not be eaten by anyone who is currently taking dried frog pills. These basic safety measures should be quite sufficient to prevent any further instances of temporal leakage.
Dammit, this isn't going to work, is it? All right, Andrew, here's the situation. I've got a hot lead on Jacques Merde at the moment, which is what I'm doing in 2015. You could agree to drop the sprout curry investigation, I could fill you in, and the department could take the credit for catching Merde. Or I could do a Colonel Next. The choice is yours...
Incidentally, rumours that the French footballer Eric Cantona was in fact Merde in disguise should be discounted. Yes, I know, they have been circulating ever since he hit the fan, but I checked him out personally and he wasn't. Isn't. Or possibly won't be, depending on whenabouts you are at the moment.
I await your decision with interest.
Sarah</HTML>
From: Captain S H Goode-Evans [working as S H Egginton]
Re: Investigation into temporal properties of sprout curry
Date: 25 August 2015
Sir,
I wish to record a formal protest against the waste of ChronoGuard time and resources in continuing to pursue the above investigation. As you are well aware, my results so far have conclusively proved that sprout curry on its own is not a danger to the time stream. Not only must the curry be combined with dried frog pills and a certain extremely precise quantity of alcohol to have any effect whatsoever, but the composition of the curry itself is also very important. The addition of too much fenugreek will completely neutralise any destabilising effects. I repeat my initial recommendations that all commercially available sprout curries should contain at least 1.07% fenugreek and bear an official SpecOps health warning to the effect that they should not be eaten by anyone who is currently taking dried frog pills. These basic safety measures should be quite sufficient to prevent any further instances of temporal leakage.
Dammit, this isn't going to work, is it? All right, Andrew, here's the situation. I've got a hot lead on Jacques Merde at the moment, which is what I'm doing in 2015. You could agree to drop the sprout curry investigation, I could fill you in, and the department could take the credit for catching Merde. Or I could do a Colonel Next. The choice is yours...
Incidentally, rumours that the French footballer Eric Cantona was in fact Merde in disguise should be discounted. Yes, I know, they have been circulating ever since he hit the fan, but I checked him out personally and he wasn't. Isn't. Or possibly won't be, depending on whenabouts you are at the moment.
I await your decision with interest.
Sarah</HTML>
Re: Sprout curry
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: December 07, 2002 07:51PM
<HTML>Hmm. In order to effect temporal travel using sprout curry, I suspect one needs the right sprout. The right sprout is of course Barry the Time Sprout, and you can find out all about him at [www.everything2.com] (third entry in).
Of course, how you get Barry out of Elvis' head and into a curry is another matter.</HTML>
Of course, how you get Barry out of Elvis' head and into a curry is another matter.</HTML>
Re: Sprout curry
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 07, 2002 09:13PM
<HTML>You'd have to ask Ben. In the meantime, I've had what you might call a somewhat terse communication from Major-General Gregorian threatening to throw the book at me. Not that there's a great deal he could do. I'm perfectly safe as long as I stay in your universe, where I'm still real and he's only fictional. Tee hee hee!</HTML>
Re: Sprout curry
Posted by: Minsky Cat (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 08, 2002 11:13AM
<HTML>H'mmm. Purrrrrr. This looks like a great opportunity to me. Look at it this way - I can get into books but I can't travel in time, and my staff can travel in time but she can't get into books. And now she's gone rogue from the ChronoGuard, she's effectively a free agent.
How does this sound? Minsky the world-famous feline detective and his faithful human sidekick?</HTML>
How does this sound? Minsky the world-famous feline detective and his faithful human sidekick?</HTML>
Re: Sprout curry
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 08, 2002 11:17AM
<HTML>Sorry, Minsky, I'm not prepared to accept anything less than equal terms. Don't forget, I know your embarrassing nickname. ;-)
But the partnership itself is a great idea. You could do a lot to help me catch Jacques Merde, and it's now a point of honour to do so before the ChronoGuard get him. How about the Goode-Evans-Minsky Nextian Detective Agency?</HTML>
But the partnership itself is a great idea. You could do a lot to help me catch Jacques Merde, and it's now a point of honour to do so before the ChronoGuard get him. How about the Goode-Evans-Minsky Nextian Detective Agency?</HTML>
Re: Sprout curry
Posted by: Minsky Cat (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 08, 2002 11:19AM
<HTML>Oh, all right, then!
*swivels ears in annoyed fashion and twitches tip of tail*</HTML>
*swivels ears in annoyed fashion and twitches tip of tail*</HTML>
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