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Sunday Morning TV

Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)

Date: December 08, 2002 09:24AM

<HTML>And what is always on on Sunday mornings? That's right ....

Hi
Ernie!
Oh,
hello, Burt.
What
are you doing, Ernie?
I'm
reading a book, Burt.
Reading
a book?
Yes.
What
is a book, Ernie?
It
is a story written down by someone, printed onto pages, bound into a handy
portable format, and then sold in shops.
Oh.
Is it a good book, Ernie?
Yes
it is, Burt, and I'd like to be left alone for a while to finish it.
Oh.
OK.
(silence)
Ernie?
What
now?
What
is this story in the book about?
If
I tell you, will you leave me alone?
If
you tell me I will go away and leave you alone, Ernie.
OK.
It is the story of a detective, Burt.
That
sounds good, Ernie. Does he wear a big floppy hat and smoke a pipe?
No,
Burt, this detective is a lady.
A
lady?
That's
right, Burt, and this lady is called Thursday Next.
That's
kind of an unusual name, Ernie.
Well,
yes it is, Burt, but she is a very unusual lady.
Who
wrote this book, Ernie?
The
man whose name is on the cover - see; Jasper Fforde.
That's
an even more unlikely name, Ernie. What does this lady detective detect?
She
is a lit-er-rary detective, Burt. She solves crimes to do with other books.
What
kind of crimes do books do?
No.
no, no, the books don't commit crimes, Burt, people commit crimes to do with
books.
I
am having trouble following you here, Ernie.
Well,
let me give you an example. In this story someone kidnaps Jane Eyre, and
Thursday has to rescue her.
(silence)
Um,
who is Jane Eyre, Ernie?
Jane
Eyre is a character in a famous book by Charlotte Bronte, Burt.
So
- she is not real, then?
Well,
no.
So
how could this lady detective rescue somebody who is not real?
Well,
because she can sort of go into other books.
She
can go from the book she is in, the one in your hand, into another book, and
rescue people in that other book?
Er
- yes.
Sounds
kind of unlikely, Ernie.
(Ernie looks at
Burt. Then at the book he is holding. Than back at Burt. Finally he throws the
book away).
Would
you like to come and have cookies, Burt?
OK.
(exit Burt and
Ernie)
 
Sesame Street was
brought to you today by the letter Ff, the colors Red
and Blue, and the day Thursday!</HTML>

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Re: Sunday Morning TV

Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)

Date: December 08, 2002 10:42AM

<HTML>lol

How do you do those colours, anyway?</HTML>

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Re: Sunday Morning TV

Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)

Date: December 08, 2002 02:07PM

<HTML>Today's word is 'laugh'....</HTML>

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Re: Sunday Morning TV

Posted by: Kermit the Frog (---.proxy.aol.com)

Date: December 08, 2002 03:49PM

<HTML>OK, Kermit the Frog reporting from - where was it
again? oh, yeah - Yorkshire, England, and today we are talking to Jon. Hello,
Jon!
Erm - hello, Kermit.
OK, Jon, the people want to know - how do you make all these fancy colors, like the rather snazzy shade of green I am
currently reporting in?
Well, Kermit - erm - can I just ask a question?
Well, you know that's kind of my job, being as I am
a reporter and all, but OK. 
You're a frog, aren't you?
Sheesh. And they say the British aren't slow. Yes,
Jon, I am a frog. The clue is kind of in the name, you know? Kermit the Frog?
Er, right. The reason I ask, is because, well, isn't it a little unusual
for a frog to be an internet reporter?
Hey, you can have cats on here, you can have frogs.You got a problem with that?
No, no, fine. 
OK. Let's just do the interview, right? Now tell me,
how do you do the fancy colors and all?
Well, Kermit, what I do is, I type it all up first in Front Page, setting
colours and fonts and things as I go along, and then I copy the HTML code I have
created,  and paste it into the post on the Fforum.
And you can do any color you like?
Certainly, Kermit - green for frogs, brown for dogs, hey, I could even do
pink for p-
I would not introduce the subject of pigs at this
point, if I were you.
No. Sorry. Anyway, that's how it's done.
So you do not do any fancy high-tech-style HTML
coding, then?
Er, no, not as such.
I see. So what you are saying is, you cheat?
Um, well, if you want to put it that way ... yes.
And I have come all the way to Yorkshire to
interview some guy who just cheats? GET OUT OF HERE!!!!! Sheesh. This is Kermit the Frog, wasting his time reporting from Yorkshire. OK, guys, lets wrap it up and get out of here before that cat turns up.</HTML>

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Idiot's Guide

Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)

Date: December 08, 2002 05:42PM

<HTML>For html have a look here - this is the best site I've used for tutorials in HTML, and it makes it a lot faster then copying and pasting out of Front page.

<a href="http://www.yourhtmlsource.com/">[www.yourhtmlsource.com];

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Re: Idiot's Guide

Posted by: All-American-Cutie (---.dalect01.va.comcast.net)

Date: December 08, 2002 06:28PM

<HTML>my husband is JUST like Ernie...I swear it!

and Jon, I can't believe you cheat on your HTML...sheesh, what kind of example are you setting? No one does anything the long way anymore. So consequently, if we were to lose all Front Page programs due to, say, a very nasty anti-Microsoft virus (ehem) you wouldn't be able to do any more snazzy colors in your Fforum posts! What a travesty that would be!

So I say to all of you, learn it the long way, then use the shortcut tools to make it faster. And that applies to all of life...learn the real way then you can use the cheats!

Besides, HTML is easy...honest!</HTML>

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Re: Idiot's Guide

Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)

Date: December 08, 2002 06:39PM

<HTML>Hoi! I'm trying to build my own website the long way! Using CSS as well, dammit! And once I've done one I'll have to do another as a place to show off my research work...

The only thing I'm struggling with is writing interesting things to put on it...</HTML>

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Re: Idiot's Guide

Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)

Date: December 08, 2002 08:34PM

<HTML>That's a really useful website, Ben - many thanks.</HTML>

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Re: Idiot's Guide

Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)

Date: December 08, 2002 10:41PM

<HTML>All part of the service...

Actually i've used quite a few in the past, but most will either get way too technical or only do the basics, whereas that one says - here's the basics but if you want to be flash....

It even has the basics for Java on it, and also some really good tips for decent webdesign...</HTML>

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Re: Idiot's Guide

Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)

Date: December 08, 2002 10:50PM

<HTML>From the same site - the colours that are websafe (ie - look the same on every computer). just so you know how snazzy you can be...

<a href="http://www.yourhtmlsource.com/accessibility/nonditheringcolours.html#TEXTCOLOURS">[www.yourhtmlsource.com];

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Re: Idiot's Guide

Posted by: Magda (---.dialip.mich.net)

Date: December 09, 2002 03:26AM

<HTML>FWIW, I've done all my webpages in straight HTML, as a way to force myself to learn a bit. Mind you, I haven't actually updated most of them lately - just the one with the cakes I decorate in my spare time.

Mind you, I haven't actually reformatted it, which is needs badly, just added new stuff at the bottom of the page.....

(if anyone's curious, you can see my cakes <a href="http://www.geocities.com/magdacakes">here</a>).</HTML>

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Re: Idiot's Guide

Posted by: Magda (---.dialip.mich.net)

Date: December 09, 2002 03:32AM

<HTML>Now why is it that I can get the code for the coloured text and the address for the link right, but can't type "it" correctly. Is needs badly indeed. Sigh.</HTML>

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Cakes

Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)

Date: December 09, 2002 11:19AM

<HTML>Just two words, Magda. I'm impressed!</HTML>

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Re: Cakes

Posted by: Magda (---.dialip.mich.net)

Date: December 10, 2002 05:04AM

<HTML>Thanks Sarah!

BTW, the reason I wasn't about on Friday and Saturday was that I was working on <a href="http://www.geocities.com/magdacakes/Pooh.html">this Winnie-the-Pooh cake</a> for my best friend's baby shower, and then attending said shower.</HTML>

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Re: Cakes

Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)

Date: December 10, 2002 10:32AM

<HTML>That's cool. Minsky now wants to know if you've ever done a cake shaped like a can of Moggilicious. I'm starting to get rather worried about that cat...</HTML>

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Re: Cakes

Posted by: Magda (---.med.umich.edu)

Date: December 10, 2002 01:52PM

<HTML>Nope, although I have done one shaped like a <a href="http://www.geocities.com/magdacakes/Spam.html">can of spam</a> for a party with a Monty Python theme.</HTML>

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Re: Cakes

Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.rdg.ac.uk)

Date: December 10, 2002 02:02PM

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Re: Cakes

Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)

Date: December 10, 2002 04:51PM

<HTML>You do find some obscure stuff, Ben...</HTML>

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Re: Cakes

Posted by: jon (---.abel.net.uk)

Date: December 10, 2002 04:54PM

<HTML>Never mind that, gimme some of that awesome Spam cake ....</HTML>

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Re: Cakes

Posted by: poestscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)

Date: December 10, 2002 06:36PM

<HTML>It's not obscure. It was the first thing we headed off to when my old school got the net. None of the teachers knew about us having the net except the IT department, who weren't aware that we knew how to hack through to it.

I wish to make it clear that I did little or none of this myself. I was merely the person who asked if such things were possible.

One such wondering lead to my friends writing a program to allow them to see any computer screen in the entire school. Having written this program, it obviously required some testing. John Logie Baird and his faithful assistant, Booboo, chose to transmit a smiling face as their first image. We chose a fourth year IT lesson.

Obviously there is nothing more boring than watching the computer doodlings of 15 year old boys attempting to do work. However just as we'd proved that the program worked and we were about to switch the computer off, we noticed that the spreadsheet excercise contained rather more mammary glands than was to be expected. Rather too many glands of different types too.

Obviously, this was too good to switch off. But with the librarian skulking about, there was the potential for us to be discovered, so we had to switch it off.

But not before printing ithe porn off - back in the same computer room that the lesson was in. Even better, this was our form room and we managed to get back just as the teacher found the printout. They were too busy going mad at the poor kid to question why five of us were required to pick up one coat....

Happy days....</HTML>

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