The town planning of the gods....
Posted by: Eric von Dunnikins
Date: December 08, 2002 11:27PM
<HTML><i>Here is an exclusive extract from the new book by Eric von Dunnikins - 'Town Planning of the Gods' - to be serialised exclusively in the Daily Mole next week...</i>
"My recent visit to England to find proof of the influence of 8-foot tall lizard men from another planet required a transnavigation of Swindon, where office block calls to office block like great aunts over some primeval swamp, and I started thinking about architecture.
In a recent BBC programme on some of Britain's 'best' buildings it was claimed that the masons responsible for Durham Cathedral's pillars, many of which were carved with a double helix, may have unwittingly coded life itself into the pillars, so to speak. Whilst obviously a load of bovine waste product, this made me realise that town planning shows conclusive proof that lizard men from another galaxy have visited earth.
Obviously there has been a great cover up. Now, however a nation deserves to be told. Is Swindon's 1928, double helix car park ramp really a representation of DNA, thus proving that Swindon's town planners were in actual fact mysterious lizard men from another galaxy, making a futile attempt to communicate with the planets dominant life form - the automobile? Is there a link to the mysterious concrete avenues of Milton Keynes? And does it explain Croydon?
And let's face it there are many mysteries about the work of the ancients in this country. What mystical force of the lizard men drove people to drag ground up rock all the way from Portland to create a massive circle around the ceremonial centre of 'Landen'? Was this sacred 'M25' associated with ritual sacrifice of gallons of fuel for no good purpose in an attempt to placate the transport god 'Presscote'? Was the avenue known as 'Arseton Expressway' for the starships of the lizard men to land on or was it designed as somewhere to park ceremonial chariots on during the daily festival of 'Rushowwer'? And what sacred words did they 'express'? Surely this could only have ben built with the help of the lizard men?
And what about 'Old Travford'. What 'Trav' did it ford? Was this 'Trav' some kind of bridge between the elemental North and the rich South? Why was it so old - is it evidence of an older culture still? This culture, of course, can surely only be the lizard men. Why did people travel the ceremonial highway of 'M6' every weekend to visit it - and why were there so many prawn shells in the rubbish pits? Furthermore, why was there a similar ceremonial circle known as 'Anne Field'? Was this the name of a woman beloved of the lizard men?
And finally there is the sacred pyramids of 'Tobler One'. Is this the real name of the lizard men's galaxy? Surely no human hand could have constructed such a thing. Lizard men have no protruding nose, and thus are not affected by the bogie seeking power of the pyramids."
<i>All this, and more, will be revealed in von Dunnikins <del>load of old tosh</del><ins>revolutionary insight into the whole of Western civilisation</ins> "Town Planning of the Gods' - serialised only in the Daily Mole next week.
Also in your Daily Mole - we attack Mrs Formby for her ridiculous belief in such neo-mystical twaddle as 'socialism', and Genghis Kahn reveals why he thinks the new 'tough' line on immigration (all vehicles entering Britain to be crushed, just in case a couple of Albanians are hiding inside) is the work of evil Guardian reading lefties....</i></HTML>