ThursdayNext : www.jasperfforde.com
A discussion of all things Thursday !
The Penguin Book of Verse
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 15, 2002 09:17PM
<HTML>Ladies and gentlemen of the Fforum, I should like to present the natural successor to William McGonagall: Wilfred T Penguin. (I understand the T stands for "The".) Wilfred's hobbies are drinking, reading over my shoulder and creatively misunderstanding the book, drinking, writing poetry, drinking, impersonating a dodo, and drinking. In his spare time, he generally drinks.
This is what happened when I let him read poetry over my shoulder. I do apologise...
I have just been told all about this Persian bloke called Omar Khayyam,
Who sold millions of copies of his poetry and was generally as drunk as I am.
So now I am wondering why I haven't also become an instant success;
I know he went in for wine rather than whiskey, but that shouldn't make any difference, I would guess.
I believe he wrote one that started "A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and Thou";
Well, I could certainly improve on that - it's not difficult to see how.
You could have whiskey instead, or even rum, brandy, vodka, schnapps or gin,
And if you're going to have something to eat with it, then not to have a nice fat squid would be a sin.
Now what about "Thou"? - I mean, who the heck is "Thee"?
Is that supposed to be the person who is reading it, or possibly the penguin, eg me?
Or is it someone else? - he really ought to make up his mind, and quick;
Oh well, let's see: "A jug of whiskey, a nice fat squid, and... hic!"
(c) Wilfred T Penguin (he insists I put that in, for what it's worth...)</HTML>
This is what happened when I let him read poetry over my shoulder. I do apologise...
I have just been told all about this Persian bloke called Omar Khayyam,
Who sold millions of copies of his poetry and was generally as drunk as I am.
So now I am wondering why I haven't also become an instant success;
I know he went in for wine rather than whiskey, but that shouldn't make any difference, I would guess.
I believe he wrote one that started "A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and Thou";
Well, I could certainly improve on that - it's not difficult to see how.
You could have whiskey instead, or even rum, brandy, vodka, schnapps or gin,
And if you're going to have something to eat with it, then not to have a nice fat squid would be a sin.
Now what about "Thou"? - I mean, who the heck is "Thee"?
Is that supposed to be the person who is reading it, or possibly the penguin, eg me?
Or is it someone else? - he really ought to make up his mind, and quick;
Oh well, let's see: "A jug of whiskey, a nice fat squid, and... hic!"
(c) Wilfred T Penguin (he insists I put that in, for what it's worth...)</HTML>
Re: The Penguin Book of Verse
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: December 15, 2002 09:53PM
<HTML><B>Advice for Penguins</B>
Every father Penguin knows
How to balance an egg on his toes
And as he stands and stares at ice
He thinks of all the sound advice
That he will give his Penguin chick
When his child has cracked the thick
Shell of the egg he’s incubating,
His advice is long gestating
All the Antarctic winter through.
“Little chick, I’ll tell to you
All a Penguin needs to know
To live successfully in snow;
Never trust a leopard seal,
And eat as much at every meal
As you can fit inside your belly,
For fish, though jolly nice and smelly,
Never hang around for long
And though your hunger may be strong
Tomorrow you may find no fun
For all the shoals of fish are gone.
Swim fast and true, like a torpedo,
And always wear a clean tuxedo.
But little Penguin, above all
Remember this; whate’er befall
Never ever turn to drink;
For boozy Penguins always sink.</HTML>
Every father Penguin knows
How to balance an egg on his toes
And as he stands and stares at ice
He thinks of all the sound advice
That he will give his Penguin chick
When his child has cracked the thick
Shell of the egg he’s incubating,
His advice is long gestating
All the Antarctic winter through.
“Little chick, I’ll tell to you
All a Penguin needs to know
To live successfully in snow;
Never trust a leopard seal,
And eat as much at every meal
As you can fit inside your belly,
For fish, though jolly nice and smelly,
Never hang around for long
And though your hunger may be strong
Tomorrow you may find no fun
For all the shoals of fish are gone.
Swim fast and true, like a torpedo,
And always wear a clean tuxedo.
But little Penguin, above all
Remember this; whate’er befall
Never ever turn to drink;
For boozy Penguins always sink.</HTML>
Re: The Penguin Book of Verse
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 16, 2002 11:06AM
<HTML>Delightful! I read it to Wilfred and he was duly bewildered. ;-) Still, he's not totally stupid. He lives on a radiator. His attitude is that if he'd liked the cold, he'd have stayed in the Antarctic...</HTML>
Re: The Penguin Book of Verse
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: December 16, 2002 11:12AM
<HTML>There's a joke like that...
In the high Arctic, a bear cub goes up to his mother and asks
'Mother, am I a Brown bear?"
"No son, Brown bears are, er, rather more brown. You're white - and that means you're a polar bear."
After considering this the bear cub wanders off. Later he comes back.
"Mother, am I a koala bear?"
"No son, koala bears live in the warmth of Australia. You're a polar bear."
Again, the cub wanders off after digesting this fact. Before his mother has time to rest, he's back.
"Am I a grizzly bear, maybe?"
"No - you're a bloody polar bear. Why won't you just accept it?"
"'Cause I'm feckin freezing..."</HTML>
In the high Arctic, a bear cub goes up to his mother and asks
'Mother, am I a Brown bear?"
"No son, Brown bears are, er, rather more brown. You're white - and that means you're a polar bear."
After considering this the bear cub wanders off. Later he comes back.
"Mother, am I a koala bear?"
"No son, koala bears live in the warmth of Australia. You're a polar bear."
Again, the cub wanders off after digesting this fact. Before his mother has time to rest, he's back.
"Am I a grizzly bear, maybe?"
"No - you're a bloody polar bear. Why won't you just accept it?"
"'Cause I'm feckin freezing..."</HTML>
Re: The Penguin Book of Verse
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 16, 2002 11:13AM
<HTML>lol</HTML>
Re: The Penguin Book of Verse
Posted by: ScarletBea (194.196.168.---)
Date: December 16, 2002 11:33AM
<HTML>LOLOL</HTML>
Re: The Penguin Book of Verse
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: December 18, 2002 12:01PM
<HTML>Here's another of Wilfred's offerings. He says this one is specially for Fuzz...
I have discovered a very strange and interesting thing,
Which is that the universe is made out of little bits of wobbly string.
What's more, it's got lots of spare dimensions we can't see because they are so small
And curled up into a very peculiar mathematical sort of ball.
Now, this has all been causing me to have a very good think,
Which has required the consumption of several bottles of whiskey and other forms of drink.
Especially because all the bits of string are apparently made of exactly the same stuff,
And they just look different because of their wobbles, which I suppose is fair enough.
So I am going to try a small experiment, which if it works may win me the Nobel Prize,
Though I am having a bit of trouble with it at the moment because I can't quite focus my eyes.
I am going to take a small brick and wobble it in every way I can find,
And then I'm going to see what it turns into, and if it's whiskey I certainly shan't mind!
(c) Wilfred T Penguin</HTML>
I have discovered a very strange and interesting thing,
Which is that the universe is made out of little bits of wobbly string.
What's more, it's got lots of spare dimensions we can't see because they are so small
And curled up into a very peculiar mathematical sort of ball.
Now, this has all been causing me to have a very good think,
Which has required the consumption of several bottles of whiskey and other forms of drink.
Especially because all the bits of string are apparently made of exactly the same stuff,
And they just look different because of their wobbles, which I suppose is fair enough.
So I am going to try a small experiment, which if it works may win me the Nobel Prize,
Though I am having a bit of trouble with it at the moment because I can't quite focus my eyes.
I am going to take a small brick and wobble it in every way I can find,
And then I'm going to see what it turns into, and if it's whiskey I certainly shan't mind!
(c) Wilfred T Penguin</HTML>
Re: The Penguin Book of Verse
Posted by: poestscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: December 19, 2002 11:07PM
<HTML>Verse undt verse, as Professor Squakundcluck would observe...</HTML>
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.