ThursdayNext : www.jasperfforde.com
A discussion of all things Thursday !
Happy Next Year!
Posted by: poestscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: January 01, 2003 09:03PM
<HTML>Happy New Year to one and all...
Some predictions for the New Year:
War with Iraq kicks off after lobbying by the publishing world, worried about the declining sales of SAS books (Sample - "it was a dark night in the desert, I was all alone with my AK47, SGR10, M4 Taunton Deane Services and a flat pack grenade launcher from Ikea; called 'Blasti', or something. We located grenade 'A' and tab 'C'. Then we slotted it..."). America also finds proof of Iraq owning weapons of mass destruction, having checked the order books of American arms companies... Incidentally, did you all know that George Bush reckoned his favorite book in childhood was 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'? Which was published when he was at college?
Archer publishes another massive volume of waffle, after managing to swap his cell for, er, the Governer's office, as part of his 'rehabilitation'. Apparently dodgy property deals, backhanders, merciless abuse of laws, rules and regulations is all part of the normal functioning of his peers, and therefore abusing every right in prison is part of his rehabilitation into the community.
Chaos in bookshops up and down the country as people fight to find secretly signed copies of 'Well of Lost Plots', and/or promotional goodies within...
At least five celebrity confessional autobiographies will cause media scandals, before filling bargin bins the breadth of the country.
Turner Prize Judges shortlist Kim Howells for the prize. Artists denounce his work as 'non-conceptual bullshit'.</HTML>
Some predictions for the New Year:
War with Iraq kicks off after lobbying by the publishing world, worried about the declining sales of SAS books (Sample - "it was a dark night in the desert, I was all alone with my AK47, SGR10, M4 Taunton Deane Services and a flat pack grenade launcher from Ikea; called 'Blasti', or something. We located grenade 'A' and tab 'C'. Then we slotted it..."). America also finds proof of Iraq owning weapons of mass destruction, having checked the order books of American arms companies... Incidentally, did you all know that George Bush reckoned his favorite book in childhood was 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'? Which was published when he was at college?
Archer publishes another massive volume of waffle, after managing to swap his cell for, er, the Governer's office, as part of his 'rehabilitation'. Apparently dodgy property deals, backhanders, merciless abuse of laws, rules and regulations is all part of the normal functioning of his peers, and therefore abusing every right in prison is part of his rehabilitation into the community.
Chaos in bookshops up and down the country as people fight to find secretly signed copies of 'Well of Lost Plots', and/or promotional goodies within...
At least five celebrity confessional autobiographies will cause media scandals, before filling bargin bins the breadth of the country.
Turner Prize Judges shortlist Kim Howells for the prize. Artists denounce his work as 'non-conceptual bullshit'.</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Sarah B (---.cableinet.co.uk)
Date: January 01, 2003 09:25PM
<HTML>I second that Happy New Year.
Some of my predictions:
The Royal family finally give up with the whole 'Butler' idea as they're far too much trouble to be bothered with and start to do their own cooking. The queen subseqently sues Hotpoint for grevious water damage to the Royal carpets, claiming that 'One was not advised to shut the washing machine door before one started the cycle.'
Osama Bin Laden is found in Bognor Regis and revealed to be a 10 year old boy from Newcastle-upon-Tyne who had been using the Internet to persuade people that he was the notorius religious villian. The lad was turned over to the local authorities, who subjected him to torture by 'Teletubby Re-Runs'.
The Turner art prize is won by a man presenting an empty space and claiming it to be 'The Void Within'. The entire art community is overwhelmed by this wort of genius, which creates an uproar in school art classes throughout the country where children refuse to do any work, claiming that 'sod all was good enough for the Turner prize.' Parliament concedes that this is indeed a fair point, and cancels art from the national curriculum.</HTML>
Some of my predictions:
The Royal family finally give up with the whole 'Butler' idea as they're far too much trouble to be bothered with and start to do their own cooking. The queen subseqently sues Hotpoint for grevious water damage to the Royal carpets, claiming that 'One was not advised to shut the washing machine door before one started the cycle.'
Osama Bin Laden is found in Bognor Regis and revealed to be a 10 year old boy from Newcastle-upon-Tyne who had been using the Internet to persuade people that he was the notorius religious villian. The lad was turned over to the local authorities, who subjected him to torture by 'Teletubby Re-Runs'.
The Turner art prize is won by a man presenting an empty space and claiming it to be 'The Void Within'. The entire art community is overwhelmed by this wort of genius, which creates an uproar in school art classes throughout the country where children refuse to do any work, claiming that 'sod all was good enough for the Turner prize.' Parliament concedes that this is indeed a fair point, and cancels art from the national curriculum.</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Sarah B (---.cableinet.co.uk)
Date: January 01, 2003 09:25PM
<HTML>I second that Happy New Year.
Some of my predictions:
The Royal family finally give up with the whole 'Butler' idea as they're far too much trouble to be bothered with and start to do their own cooking. The queen subseqently sues Hotpoint for grevious water damage to the Royal carpets, claiming that 'One was not advised to shut the washing machine door before one started the cycle.'
Osama Bin Laden is found in Bognor Regis and revealed to be a 10 year old boy from Newcastle-upon-Tyne who had been using the Internet to persuade people that he was the notorius religious villian. The lad was turned over to the local authorities, who subjected him to torture by 'Teletubby Re-Runs'.
The Turner art prize is won by a man presenting an empty space and claiming it to be 'The Void Within'. The entire art community is overwhelmed by this wort of genius, which creates an uproar in school art classes throughout the country where children refuse to do any work, claiming that 'sod all was good enough for the Turner prize.' Parliament concedes that this is indeed a fair point, and cancels art from the national curriculum.</HTML>
Some of my predictions:
The Royal family finally give up with the whole 'Butler' idea as they're far too much trouble to be bothered with and start to do their own cooking. The queen subseqently sues Hotpoint for grevious water damage to the Royal carpets, claiming that 'One was not advised to shut the washing machine door before one started the cycle.'
Osama Bin Laden is found in Bognor Regis and revealed to be a 10 year old boy from Newcastle-upon-Tyne who had been using the Internet to persuade people that he was the notorius religious villian. The lad was turned over to the local authorities, who subjected him to torture by 'Teletubby Re-Runs'.
The Turner art prize is won by a man presenting an empty space and claiming it to be 'The Void Within'. The entire art community is overwhelmed by this wort of genius, which creates an uproar in school art classes throughout the country where children refuse to do any work, claiming that 'sod all was good enough for the Turner prize.' Parliament concedes that this is indeed a fair point, and cancels art from the national curriculum.</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Sarah B (---.cableinet.co.uk)
Date: January 01, 2003 09:26PM
<HTML>Ooops... posted twice again. I'm click-happy!</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: January 01, 2003 09:26PM
<HTML>Of course anyone who has actually been in the Special Services will know at once that Taunton Deane is on the M5 ....
Further predictions;
A piece of plotless magic-realist crap will win the Booker prize;
Torquay United will fail to win any major trophies for the 82nd year in succession (United were formed in 1921);
Tony Blair will give several speeches, close examination of which will reveal that, look, y'know, he didn't actually say anything;
Meanwhile his government will continue to avoid dealing with any real issues in the hope that by not doing anything they will not offend anybody and therefore get most votes; (Did you know Blair claims to have been a Newcastle United supporter as a boy, and said his favourite player was Jackie Milburn, who retired when TB was about 2 and a half?)
Over on the other bench the Conservative Party will remain inert. Meanwhile the BNP will continue to pick up council seats.
There will be a number of controversial TV programmes made (not in America, obviously), or at least that is how the Daily Mail will see it;
Around the world a large number of innocent people (and a few guilty ones as well, fair go) will die needlessly from causes that were not their fault and which they could not control. Very little will be done about this.
Several stupid white men will run for the office of President of the USA.
Despite all this, people everywhere will continue to try and make sense of the world and their part in it, and some of them will work hard to try and make it a little better.
There might even be a good book or two to read.
Peace to all in 2003, and make the best of things, because in this game you only get one go.</HTML>
Further predictions;
A piece of plotless magic-realist crap will win the Booker prize;
Torquay United will fail to win any major trophies for the 82nd year in succession (United were formed in 1921);
Tony Blair will give several speeches, close examination of which will reveal that, look, y'know, he didn't actually say anything;
Meanwhile his government will continue to avoid dealing with any real issues in the hope that by not doing anything they will not offend anybody and therefore get most votes; (Did you know Blair claims to have been a Newcastle United supporter as a boy, and said his favourite player was Jackie Milburn, who retired when TB was about 2 and a half?)
Over on the other bench the Conservative Party will remain inert. Meanwhile the BNP will continue to pick up council seats.
There will be a number of controversial TV programmes made (not in America, obviously), or at least that is how the Daily Mail will see it;
Around the world a large number of innocent people (and a few guilty ones as well, fair go) will die needlessly from causes that were not their fault and which they could not control. Very little will be done about this.
Several stupid white men will run for the office of President of the USA.
Despite all this, people everywhere will continue to try and make sense of the world and their part in it, and some of them will work hard to try and make it a little better.
There might even be a good book or two to read.
Peace to all in 2003, and make the best of things, because in this game you only get one go.</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Sarah (---.in-addr.btopenworld.com)
Date: January 02, 2003 01:05PM
<HTML>Minsky and I (and, of course, all the other members of this household) would like to add our very good wishes. Unfortunately the predictions will have to wait, as my dad has just rung the dinner bell (it's a small bungalow, but he is a bit eccentric...)</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Sarah (---.in-addr.btopenworld.com)
Date: January 02, 2003 01:47PM
<HTML>There. Suitably replete, I offer my own predictions:
QPR will not win anything either. But hopefully at least they will play well while not doing it.
Tony Blair will be revealed to be a fictional character written by Yorrick Kaine.
The leader of the Conservative Party, who is such a nonentity I even have trouble recalling his name, will be revealed to be a fictional character written by Tony Blair.
Bright green monkeys will probably not take over the world and eat all our socks. Unless there are any in the US Government, that is.
Klinsmann will be the first feline defendant in a trial. Just don't ask me to predict whether it'll be murder, rape, or grievous bodily harm. He will, of course, get let off with a caution, because he always manages that somehow.
Minsky and I will be joined by another interesting fictional character in a new adventure. A big grin for anyone who guesses who he is from his initials: S W. OK, that's not much to go on. All right, he appears in a book with S P, and the two initial S's stand for the same name.
Wilfred will conscientiously remain drunk without a single interruption for the entire year.
And the Fforum will go from strength to strength... *looks round quickly to check that her inebriated penguin has fallen asleep* Here's to all of us! :-)</HTML>
QPR will not win anything either. But hopefully at least they will play well while not doing it.
Tony Blair will be revealed to be a fictional character written by Yorrick Kaine.
The leader of the Conservative Party, who is such a nonentity I even have trouble recalling his name, will be revealed to be a fictional character written by Tony Blair.
Bright green monkeys will probably not take over the world and eat all our socks. Unless there are any in the US Government, that is.
Klinsmann will be the first feline defendant in a trial. Just don't ask me to predict whether it'll be murder, rape, or grievous bodily harm. He will, of course, get let off with a caution, because he always manages that somehow.
Minsky and I will be joined by another interesting fictional character in a new adventure. A big grin for anyone who guesses who he is from his initials: S W. OK, that's not much to go on. All right, he appears in a book with S P, and the two initial S's stand for the same name.
Wilfred will conscientiously remain drunk without a single interruption for the entire year.
And the Fforum will go from strength to strength... *looks round quickly to check that her inebriated penguin has fallen asleep* Here's to all of us! :-)</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: jon (---.abel.net.uk)
Date: January 02, 2003 02:22PM
<HTML>I think we might say we are looking forward to the new adventure werry much, vich it is to be entertained, although has to the identity of the new character, vy, 'it's quite unpossible to identify any gen'l'm'n vith any degree o' mental satisfaction, vithout lookin' at him.</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Sarah H Egginton (---.in-addr.btopenworld.com)
Date: January 02, 2003 07:30PM
<HTML>:-D Jon!</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: poestscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: January 02, 2003 08:26PM
<HTML>Returning to football, I can now confidently announce the slide of Coventry down the table - Macca just got the manager of the month award...</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: January 02, 2003 08:46PM
<HTML>yes .... and exactly what is a poest, anyway?</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: January 02, 2003 08:54PM
<HTML>No idea.
I'm rather sniffly today though, so maybe it's a touch of the vyrus (coo-coo coo-choo)...</HTML>
I'm rather sniffly today though, so maybe it's a touch of the vyrus (coo-coo coo-choo)...</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Sarah B (---.cableinet.co.uk)
Date: January 02, 2003 08:57PM
<HTML>lol
And I predict that Albion will continue to outplay the opposition by a considerable amount, and hopefully even score for a change...</HTML>
And I predict that Albion will continue to outplay the opposition by a considerable amount, and hopefully even score for a change...</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: All-American-Cutie (---.dalect01.va.comcast.net)
Date: January 02, 2003 11:58PM
<HTML>I predict that I'll be cleaning lots of cat pee, pulling more cat hair off the ceiling fan blades, eagerly awaiting the release of <i>The Well of Lost Plots</i>, and busily "stalking" Jasper's East Coast book signings to get all my copies signed.
sounds like I'll be busy!</HTML>
sounds like I'll be busy!</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: January 03, 2003 12:03AM
<HTML>Sorry? Cat hair? On the ceiling fan blades? What are you doing? Shaving them?</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: All-American-Cutie (---.dalect01.va.comcast.net)
Date: January 03, 2003 12:43AM
<HTML>lol, when cats shed, it tends to float all over the house, and if the ceiling fan is going, as it is perpetually doing here, then it deposits itself on there, necessitating the cleaning! But I swear, sometimes a proper shaving seems to be a good option!</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: January 03, 2003 02:30AM
<HTML>Just had visions of you holding the cat up to the ceiling to use the shaving power of the fans...
Seems more fun, somehow...</HTML>
Seems more fun, somehow...</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: ScarletBea (194.196.168.---)
Date: January 03, 2003 07:54AM
<HTML>lol Ben, then it might be nastier to take the blood off the walls....</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Terry Peterson (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: January 03, 2003 11:17AM
<HTML>Just wrap the cat securely with duct tape....a quick pull...and no more cat hair problem!
p.s. Happy New Year to all!</HTML>
p.s. Happy New Year to all!</HTML>
Re: Happy Next Year!
Posted by: Sarah B (---.cableinet.co.uk)
Date: January 03, 2003 11:39AM
<HTML>Ouch... don't let Minsky hear you suggesting that!</HTML>
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