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A discussion of all things Thursday !
literary character deathmatch
Posted by: charles ronayne (---.liv.ac.uk)
Date: January 30, 2003 01:20PM
<HTML>Had one of my weirdest dreams ever last night, Doc Daneeka (Catch-22) having a philosophical discussion to the death with Marvin the Paranoid Android. Bizzarely enough it was very depressing. Just trying to think of other match ups we could have. Dr Who against Thursdays father for the ultimate rogue timetraveller? Bowden against Dr. Watson for the best "I don't know why but I'll come along for the ride anyway" sidekick? Or Goliath against the UMC (Stepehn Donaldson reference) for the most dominant corporation ever. Interesting idea.
Btw. I seem to remember C.S. Lewis and Enid Blyton battling it out in one of th eearlier unfortunately departed threads. Do we know why won?</HTML>
Btw. I seem to remember C.S. Lewis and Enid Blyton battling it out in one of th eearlier unfortunately departed threads. Do we know why won?</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: January 30, 2003 01:48PM
<HTML>How about Coolest Non-Human Character? My vote goes to the Librarian... but who would you match up against him?</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: fuzz (---.cableinet.co.uk)
Date: January 30, 2003 02:03PM
<HTML>No question there, the UAofW Cat.
It's an even match, both competetors have their specialities, the crowd goes quiet.
Fight!</HTML>
It's an even match, both competetors have their specialities, the crowd goes quiet.
Fight!</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: Ooktavia (---.in-addr.btopenworld.com)
Date: January 30, 2003 07:06PM
<HTML>And The Librarian makes his first coment on the fight "Oook!!" Eeek Ook!"</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: January 30, 2003 10:38PM
<HTML>"Welcome to another busy night here at the Fictional Celebrity Death Match Arena, with your hosts - Dr 'Spock' Watson and Sherlock 'Barrat' Holmes"
"Welcome all of you - and we've got a packed indexing card today, headlined by the grudge match between The Librarian and the The UAofW cat! Tell me, Sherlock, what do you think of the lovely citrus bushes decorating the arena?"
"Well, that's a lemon tree, Watson. And so are the rest."
"Thankyou Mr Holmes, we'll allow you to go back to your, er, 'medicinal' preparations, and hope that there's no graphic violins."
"Dr Watson, should that not be 'violence'?"
"With you about Holmes, I know what I'm writing. Now, let's go to our pundits - Sir Geoffrey 'Household' Chaucer and Squire 'Spaghetti' Western. Geoff - how do you rate the librarian?"
"Foresooth. If he be an kinge of the swingers, an jongle VIP, then hir will reachen the top, eke have to stop, and thaten wot bothring me.'
"And can the cat stop him?"
"An greet tricky cat can he be, but pussy was ever caught in my tayles."
"Squire. Can the UAofW cat do it?"
"A pox ont all han't said against un. Straight up the middle, watch undt for the sweepers on the left, and unt'll hav early doors. Sick as a parrot? Unt'll scream like a pig, fig or whig."
"And in English?"
"Can't unt understand Ronglish? A pox oon you!"
"Er, right. And now to the action - with Stewart Hal (Prince of Wales)..."
"Ha, ha, haha, hahahaha, ha ha! Die all! Die Merrily! It's a good plot, dear friends! Ha haha ha. And here's the referee - the Dormouse. I have feeling he could be a real teapot dictator. And now the announcer takes the stage - and it's 'Everything is Marvellous' Marvin!"
"In the red corner, as if anybody could be bothered to listen to me anyway, it's the Ape with the Spine Repair Tape - the Librarian. Weighing 220 pounds, with a four foot three reach, and unbeaten after 413 free rounds at the Drum. Just don't call him 'ginga'. I really don't know why this is neccessary, but in the blue corner, which matches my mood if you'd bothered to ask, is the Unitary Authority of Warrington (fomerly Cheshire) Cat. Ten claws, forty bad puns and the smile of a disembodied shark! I'm just off. Don't mind me. nobody does."
"And with the formalities underway, it's time to let slip the cats, apes and assorted animals of war. Cry 'Havoc!' and play out the play. It's a tense start. The Orangutan is as vigilant as a cat to steal cream, but the Cat knows a trick worth two of that. The ape swings off the ropes, extends his arms - but the cat is already behind him - running faster jsut to catch up. The ape reaches for his nuts, but the cat has managed to dodge all of them - being written several years earlier is it not strange that some smack of age, some relish of the saltness of time, should enable him to see that coming.
"The Cat now unveils his secret wepon - hypertext! The ape has to counter with an outmoded Dewey Octimal System index, but it's too late! The cat has him on the run now - the end is near, it's time to draw the final curtain - and he smiles as he goes to deliver the coup-de-grace - but starts to fade. He's fading, and he's going!
"And, Oh my - ther's been an intervention - some bugger with a writ to call it off - apparently the Yanks had the idea first. I knew they should have taken my advice when I gave it to them - typical of this Government - they's had 400-odd years. kill 'em all, we said...."
TRANSMISSION INTERUPTED</HTML>
"Welcome all of you - and we've got a packed indexing card today, headlined by the grudge match between The Librarian and the The UAofW cat! Tell me, Sherlock, what do you think of the lovely citrus bushes decorating the arena?"
"Well, that's a lemon tree, Watson. And so are the rest."
"Thankyou Mr Holmes, we'll allow you to go back to your, er, 'medicinal' preparations, and hope that there's no graphic violins."
"Dr Watson, should that not be 'violence'?"
"With you about Holmes, I know what I'm writing. Now, let's go to our pundits - Sir Geoffrey 'Household' Chaucer and Squire 'Spaghetti' Western. Geoff - how do you rate the librarian?"
"Foresooth. If he be an kinge of the swingers, an jongle VIP, then hir will reachen the top, eke have to stop, and thaten wot bothring me.'
"And can the cat stop him?"
"An greet tricky cat can he be, but pussy was ever caught in my tayles."
"Squire. Can the UAofW cat do it?"
"A pox ont all han't said against un. Straight up the middle, watch undt for the sweepers on the left, and unt'll hav early doors. Sick as a parrot? Unt'll scream like a pig, fig or whig."
"And in English?"
"Can't unt understand Ronglish? A pox oon you!"
"Er, right. And now to the action - with Stewart Hal (Prince of Wales)..."
"Ha, ha, haha, hahahaha, ha ha! Die all! Die Merrily! It's a good plot, dear friends! Ha haha ha. And here's the referee - the Dormouse. I have feeling he could be a real teapot dictator. And now the announcer takes the stage - and it's 'Everything is Marvellous' Marvin!"
"In the red corner, as if anybody could be bothered to listen to me anyway, it's the Ape with the Spine Repair Tape - the Librarian. Weighing 220 pounds, with a four foot three reach, and unbeaten after 413 free rounds at the Drum. Just don't call him 'ginga'. I really don't know why this is neccessary, but in the blue corner, which matches my mood if you'd bothered to ask, is the Unitary Authority of Warrington (fomerly Cheshire) Cat. Ten claws, forty bad puns and the smile of a disembodied shark! I'm just off. Don't mind me. nobody does."
"And with the formalities underway, it's time to let slip the cats, apes and assorted animals of war. Cry 'Havoc!' and play out the play. It's a tense start. The Orangutan is as vigilant as a cat to steal cream, but the Cat knows a trick worth two of that. The ape swings off the ropes, extends his arms - but the cat is already behind him - running faster jsut to catch up. The ape reaches for his nuts, but the cat has managed to dodge all of them - being written several years earlier is it not strange that some smack of age, some relish of the saltness of time, should enable him to see that coming.
"The Cat now unveils his secret wepon - hypertext! The ape has to counter with an outmoded Dewey Octimal System index, but it's too late! The cat has him on the run now - the end is near, it's time to draw the final curtain - and he smiles as he goes to deliver the coup-de-grace - but starts to fade. He's fading, and he's going!
"And, Oh my - ther's been an intervention - some bugger with a writ to call it off - apparently the Yanks had the idea first. I knew they should have taken my advice when I gave it to them - typical of this Government - they's had 400-odd years. kill 'em all, we said...."
TRANSMISSION INTERUPTED</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: January 30, 2003 10:40PM
<HTML>Not me best, not me worst. I'm out of practice....
Somebody else's turn, I feel - how about 'Matilda' vs Potter (the rotter - he's spoiled our fun - we've been waiting for two years and the next volume's not come)</HTML>
Somebody else's turn, I feel - how about 'Matilda' vs Potter (the rotter - he's spoiled our fun - we've been waiting for two years and the next volume's not come)</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: January 31, 2003 09:10PM
<HTML>Well, I like it, anyway, even if you are out of practice!</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: January 31, 2003 11:43PM
<HTML>you wouldn't believe how many times I've heard that, or in how many contexts....</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: Sarah (---.vip.uk.com)
Date: February 01, 2003 11:37AM
<HTML>No, quite probably not. ;-)</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: Ooktavia (---.in-addr.btopenworld.com)
Date: February 01, 2003 09:26PM
<HTML>Out of practice PSD? areyou ever? ;-)
I think Hermione would be a better pairing for Matilda, if you mean the Roald Dahl book (you may not) If you mean the Matilda who told such dreadful lies (they made one gasp and stretch one's eyes) than she'd prob enjoy taking on Violet Bott, out of Just William.....</HTML>
I think Hermione would be a better pairing for Matilda, if you mean the Roald Dahl book (you may not) If you mean the Matilda who told such dreadful lies (they made one gasp and stretch one's eyes) than she'd prob enjoy taking on Violet Bott, out of Just William.....</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: February 01, 2003 09:45PM
<HTML>Do you mind? That'th Violet Elithabeth Bott to you, one of literature'th greatetht female villainth. She would eat Hermione for breakfatht, and make her thcream and thcream and thcream until she was thick.</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: Skiffle (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: February 01, 2003 09:52PM
<HTML>How about the Famous Five vs the Swallows and Amazons ? George thinks she's tough, but Captain Nancy could kick her into the water any day of the week. Sappy Anne would barely be a match for Roger, let alone either Peggy or Titty. Not much of a match really.
Instead of a teddy bears picnic, how about a teddy bears brawl ? Pooh, Paddington and Mary Jane all in the ring at once. Pooh would have the stuffing knocked out of him at once, but the other two should be a fair match. Or bears vs Wombles ? Who would you put in the ring ?</HTML>
Instead of a teddy bears picnic, how about a teddy bears brawl ? Pooh, Paddington and Mary Jane all in the ring at once. Pooh would have the stuffing knocked out of him at once, but the other two should be a fair match. Or bears vs Wombles ? Who would you put in the ring ?</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: Jon (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: February 01, 2003 10:01PM
<HTML>Sappy Anne wouldn't stand up to Bridget. Or even Sinbad.
How about the Seeonee Wolf Pack against the Teletubbies? Granted, not much of a fight, but we'd get to see the Tubbies sorry butts ripped from limb to limb, and that can only be a good thing.
Heathcliff versus Mr. Darcy. There's a good middleweight contest for you. Darcy would be all Marquess of Queensberry, and Heathcliff would try and kick him inna fork.</HTML>
How about the Seeonee Wolf Pack against the Teletubbies? Granted, not much of a fight, but we'd get to see the Tubbies sorry butts ripped from limb to limb, and that can only be a good thing.
Heathcliff versus Mr. Darcy. There's a good middleweight contest for you. Darcy would be all Marquess of Queensberry, and Heathcliff would try and kick him inna fork.</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: February 02, 2003 12:58AM
<HTML>Swallows and Amazons' would whup the Famous Five's ass - as long as S&A didn't get an attack of the giggles over some of the names. It's obviously kick off after Dick had too much ginger beer, needed a kebab and found a small dinghy, left behind by Uncle Quentin for spurious plot reasons, whith which he attempted to escape Kirrin Island for the nearest kebab emporium.
Having done this, he'd obviously blunder into the S&A crew, get kidnapped for reasons of further spurious plotting. The rest of the FF would rescue him via some further contorted secret causeway/helicopter/Timmy falling down well bullsh1t, and then declare war upon S&A for reasons that are still further unexplained.
a deathmatch battle with the FF massif in a load of Eskimo canoes, owned by a conveniently long-lost cousin who is a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a boy (Enid was a queer old thing sometimes), vs the S&A crew in dinghies is won in short order afte the S7A crew show precocious (and frankly unbelievable) knowledge of Nelson's battle strategies (best summarised for the uninitiated as 'if it's flying a French Flag - sink it. If it isn't, sink it anyway - and hope the Fench get the message').
------------------------</HTML>
Having done this, he'd obviously blunder into the S&A crew, get kidnapped for reasons of further spurious plotting. The rest of the FF would rescue him via some further contorted secret causeway/helicopter/Timmy falling down well bullsh1t, and then declare war upon S&A for reasons that are still further unexplained.
a deathmatch battle with the FF massif in a load of Eskimo canoes, owned by a conveniently long-lost cousin who is a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a boy (Enid was a queer old thing sometimes), vs the S&A crew in dinghies is won in short order afte the S7A crew show precocious (and frankly unbelievable) knowledge of Nelson's battle strategies (best summarised for the uninitiated as 'if it's flying a French Flag - sink it. If it isn't, sink it anyway - and hope the Fench get the message').
------------------------</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: February 02, 2003 12:58AM
<HTML>Swallows and Amazons' would whup the Famous Five's ass - as long as S&A didn't get an attack of the giggles over some of the names. It's obviously kick off after Dick had too much ginger beer, needed a kebab and found a small dinghy, left behind by Uncle Quentin for spurious plot reasons, whith which he attempted to escape Kirrin Island for the nearest kebab emporium.
Having done this, he'd obviously blunder into the S&A crew, get kidnapped for reasons of further spurious plotting. The rest of the FF would rescue him via some further contorted secret causeway/helicopter/Timmy falling down well bullsh1t, and then declare war upon S&A for reasons that are still further unexplained.
a deathmatch battle with the FF massif in a load of Eskimo canoes, owned by a conveniently long-lost cousin who is a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a boy (Enid was a queer old thing sometimes), vs the S&A crew in dinghies is won in short order afte the S7A crew show precocious (and frankly unbelievable) knowledge of Nelson's battle strategies (best summarised for the uninitiated as 'if it's flying a French Flag - sink it. If it isn't, sink it anyway - and hope the Fench get the message').
-----------------------------------------------
BTW, what kind of scientist was Uncle Quentin anyway? I reckon he was really a drugs baron in need of a cover story. I can just imagine him saying "I would have got away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids - stumbling down a spuriously placed well shaft with that damn dog of yours, having an adventure and then getting the police involved to show decent moral values. I had to shove the stash into the nearest hiding place, but I'm not telling you where that was."
Meanwhile Timmy is lying down, whimpering, frothing at the mouth and dreaming of being reincarnated as a manic creep on daytime TV with luminous shorts, massive pink glasses and an inflatable hammer. Sometimes fiction <em>is</em> stranger than fact.</HTML>
Having done this, he'd obviously blunder into the S&A crew, get kidnapped for reasons of further spurious plotting. The rest of the FF would rescue him via some further contorted secret causeway/helicopter/Timmy falling down well bullsh1t, and then declare war upon S&A for reasons that are still further unexplained.
a deathmatch battle with the FF massif in a load of Eskimo canoes, owned by a conveniently long-lost cousin who is a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a boy (Enid was a queer old thing sometimes), vs the S&A crew in dinghies is won in short order afte the S7A crew show precocious (and frankly unbelievable) knowledge of Nelson's battle strategies (best summarised for the uninitiated as 'if it's flying a French Flag - sink it. If it isn't, sink it anyway - and hope the Fench get the message').
-----------------------------------------------
BTW, what kind of scientist was Uncle Quentin anyway? I reckon he was really a drugs baron in need of a cover story. I can just imagine him saying "I would have got away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids - stumbling down a spuriously placed well shaft with that damn dog of yours, having an adventure and then getting the police involved to show decent moral values. I had to shove the stash into the nearest hiding place, but I'm not telling you where that was."
Meanwhile Timmy is lying down, whimpering, frothing at the mouth and dreaming of being reincarnated as a manic creep on daytime TV with luminous shorts, massive pink glasses and an inflatable hammer. Sometimes fiction <em>is</em> stranger than fact.</HTML>
Re: literary character deathmatch
Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: February 02, 2003 01:09AM
<HTML>And don't even ask me how I did that - it wasn't by hitting back on the broswer, for once.</HTML>
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