I've started writing for Helium freelance, in the hope of being paid for doing this shite. They suggested you read other peoples' submissions, to begin with. As expected, I got as far as the joke pages ... and stayed there.

Anyhow, this made me laugh. It's supposed to be a true story, but I'm pretty sure it qualifies as an urban myth, firstly because there was at least one other version of this tale on the same site (this time, the lighthouse keeper was Canadian, and it was circa 1977) and secondly, because I'm pretty certain it's been doing the rounds, in its various forms, since at least the second world war.

Can anyone enlighten me on the originality or otherwise of this story? And are there any others in the same vein out there?
Anyway, enjoy.



"The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, off the Scottish North coast. The alleged transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95 .
BRITISH : Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid collision.
US Navy : Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
BRITISH : Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Navy : This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITISH : Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
US NAVY : THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THATS 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. F*#k off!."

Hey what's Helium? Didnt know what you meant by that.

Re that myth - I have heard it quoted on a management course (don't laugh, that's also some of my job, running Management/corporate training) and I think it was used by S Covey (of "7 habits of highly effective people" fame/infamy in his book or lecturers possibly. Apparently often quoted in these "change your thinking" kind of sessions too.

Karen

Ah, S. Covey, the blight of the 'Creative Thinking Workshop' course I was sent on at the Graduate School.

Boo! Hiss!

My Nemesis...

Because of that twit, I had to put up with annoying, faddish team leaders trying to get us to play 'creative problem solving' games at moronic team building sessions. Until the team leaders found the NEXT annoying management book and we played the games in THAT one.

Still, it was slightly better than, y'know, working.

I have heard that motivation talk before too... All it motivated me to do is not listen to motivational talks ever again...

I have an urban myth for you ..
Its reported in local press often...
It goes that some tourist to the outback of Australia(Brits or Yanks take ur pick) Were traveling along a lonely deserted highway in their camper van when the were confronted by a kangaroo dashing ahead of them on the road..(The damn things are attracted to tourists) They swerved to miss it but unfortunately clipped it. They stopped and checked it out. The roo wasn't moving, so they moved it off the road to the kerb. As it happened they thought it was the best time to get a photo with some real aussie wild,life. One of the tourist grabbed his hat and sunglasses propped up the roo and put the hat a sunnies on the roo's head. Another got his rather expensive leather jacket and put on the roo. They stood next to it and one of them took a picture...It seemed the roo was only stunned by the van because the flash of the camera startled it back to life and it bounded away into the brush, still wearing the hat sunnies and jacket...I bet when that roo went back to his mates in the pod (That's what the collective noun is for kangaroos) he had a great laugh at the cool jacket he swiped from some gullible tourists...Apparently the look on the guy's face when he saw his jacket disappear was priceless I wonder if anyone got a photo of that..

I don't know if that story is true but it sure is a laugh..

A Kit Kat is a Biscuit

Hadn't heard it, but love the whole loveable Aussie larrikin rips off loaded tourists angle, regular scammers those roos. My understanding is that roos and wallabies (what's the difference anyway) come in mobs.

I think there was a really crappy movie based on that one, wasn't there?

Hi Cannonball rabbit in answer to question
Wallabies a slightly small versions of kangaroos. The roos have several species including the big red which have been known to grow to enormous size. I believe the collective noun for kangaroo may be mob but i think a family of roos is a pod but i may be wrong.

There is a story that when the first fleet arrived and saw he marsupial they asked a local native what are those things called? the native said kangaroo..which apparently means I Don't Know.. Unsure how true that is but it sure the start of the gags pulled on the poms. Or its another urban miff

Aussie rugby teams are also known as the Wallabies and kangaroos take that as you may,

Bonzai i think there is a movie based on that story

It is not true. When Europeans arrived there were a zillion different Aboriginal languages, so misunderstandings were bound to occur....

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

I have heard both sets of myths. The one with the kangaroo even included that the keys to the vehicle were in the pocket.

The lighthouse one goes back to Nelson I think, as I heard it before 1960. When I did a little of management training (I learned that I was a follower, not a leader, who later became an advisor, which is better as you get to have your experiments but someone else gets the blame when it impacts the air circulation device)) we used, among others which have slipped from my memory, Robert Townsend's 'Up the Organisation" which is possibly the best management book ever. It is short( many bonus points) pithy (Means 'to the point" for those of you who read with a lithp) and written by someone who had worked at the interface between the company anbd the public.

Forty years later I would still recommend this to be about the only book you would need, with the possible exception of 'Murphy's (or Sod's) Laws as a backup.


there's also the one about the mob of yahoos in the bush who catch a rabbit and tie a string of dynamite to it, light the fuse and let it free.

It immediately runs under their vehicle and stays there.

It's as mythical as the pommie who has a bath.