Praemissa 1: All buttered toasts will land on the buttered side when dropped

Praemissa 2: All cats will land on their feet when dropped

Conclusio: If you fix a buttered to the back of a cat and drop the toast-cat-combination it will start rotating shortly before hitting the ground. This rotation of probably increasing velocity should be able to solve all energy problems anywhere in the world, as cats, toast and butter can be made available everywhere without major problems.
This rather unexpensive means of energy supply could probably be made even @#$%&, by neglecting the toast and just buttering the cat's back. Or, if the toast turns out to neccessary for the successful installation of the cat-toast generator, the toast marketing board probably will be happy to act as a sponsor.

N.b.: Neither cats nor toast have been harmed by testing this theory. All cats I know still refuse to volunteer for the sake of scientific progress and I see no point in just throwing toast out of the window.



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Colourless green ideas sleep furiously.

(N. Chomsky 1957)

Finally, an activity the cat and I can enjoy together!



Post Edited (08-04-03 22:43)

To harness electricity though, you need to connect the cat to a driveshaft as it pins, to power the dynamo. So where would you shove that?



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

I just hope the cat doesn't get motion sick spinning at that speed, Nicky if you're going to try it get some protective clothing.

PSD - as you are dwelling in the gutter at the moment, I'm quite sure you have an idea where to shove it.



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Colourless green ideas sleep furiously.

(N. Chomsky 1957)

People are always telling me where I can shove it...



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Alternatively of course you could always use the cat's orifice for sharpening the clothes pegs that you're planning on using as pencils....

And which orifice do you plan on using for that, ptol?

The one that looks like a pencil sharpener, obviously! Hee!

come in and chat, dahlink. the water's lovely.

Yes yes, jump right in. We'll make room. haha get it room.

*THWAP*



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. This will also remove any possibility of the toast becoming detached from the cats, thus causing a major incident, and government ministers promising to increase spending on cat/toast glue research.

Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet.

Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula:

p = s * t

where p is the probability of carpet impact s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet.

Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero.

t indicates the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.

So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air.

Therefore, the power generater should be powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a white shag pile carpet.

(Nicked from The Physics and Astronomy dept at the University of Leeds - KT)



Post Edited (08-05-03 10:15)

read this for discussion on why cats land on their feet

Sounds like a waste of good curry to me.

I've head that the probability of the toast landing butter side down
(keep having Dr Seuss moments)
is directly related to the cost of the carpet

But who will butter the cat?

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"God rot Botchkamos Istochnik!"

Simon, I believe Nicky will be happy to handle that task. If I'm not mistaken she was experimenting with this theory yesterday.

Tracy, how could you say that about Nicky!

*rubs eyes*

Whoops... sorry... Could have sworn that said "who will bugger the cat"

Ptolemy - might I suggest a good optometrist