www.jasperfforde.com :: Nextian Chat :: The gutter impurity test

The gutter impurity test - our version.

Posted by: poetscientistdrinker (---.cache.pol.co.uk)

Date: August 19, 2003 12:01AM

We've decided there needs to be a gutter specific purity test, except obviously it has to be an impurity test. For every 'true' statement, score 2%.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1: I listen to loud music
2: I have read a T&^ H"£$ book
3: I have an alcoholic drink in my hand right now
4: I have spent more than 8 hours online in the gutter in one sitting
5: I have used a rude word in the chat room or on the fforum
6: I have posted something on the fforum with no justification except raising my number of posts
7: I have used somebody else's name in the chatroom
8: I have been in the fforum or chatroom whilst sitting naked in front of my computer
9: I have used a rude word to describe somebody else in the chatroom or fforum
10: I have said something in the chat room or fforum purely becasue I knew what response it would get, and I thought that would be funny
11: My bra size has been revealed in the fforum or chat room (for blokes - I have conspired to get somebody to reveal their bra size)
12: I have compared myself to some kind of animal in the chatroom or fforum
13: I have recieved a personal email from Jasper
14: I have developed a dislike of cats through over exposure in posts
15: An intimate part of my life has been discussed endlessly (and quite possibly embarrassingly) on the fforum or in the chat room
16: A part of my body has received a personal name, either off somebody else or myself
17: I have spent a night in the chatroom and forgotten virtually everything I said, leaving me apologising the next day just in case I said something offensive
18: I have found out that I did need to apologise...
19: I have used the fforum or chatroom to bitch about somebody else who posts.
20: A mental health professional has expressed concern about my behaviour in the gutter
21: I have flirted with another occupant of the chat room or fforum
22: I have used appalling puns in the fforum or chat room, specifically to annoy
23: I appear to have forgotten to wear any clothes while I do this quiz
24: I have used the fforum or chat room to complain about my hangover (possibly immediately before apoloigising for what I said last night)
25: I have revealed the number of sexual partners I have had to the chatroom
26: I would be willing to repeat the answers of everyone else, too....
27: I have started a thread that spawned multiple sequels
28: There has been more than one version of me in the chat room at any one time
29: I have changed the meaning of sexual partners to inflate my answer to number 25
30: I have used the chat room or fforum to complain about my sexual drought
31: I have revelled in gossip on the fforum or in the chat room
32: I have discussed my fantasies in the gutter
33: Members of the gutter have featured in my fantasies
34: I have ignore my woeful typing in the gutter, despite knowing it was wrong
35: I've recounted the full details of my criminal history to the gutter (As an aside, I still don't know what the Polish Police actually charged me with)
36: I find the idea of a tribute act to the Beach Boys called 'the Good Vibrators' amusing
37: I worry about what I may have revealed to people, especially if I'm going to meet them
38: I have tried to scare members of the gutter away by talking about certain topics
39: I have made up things purely to impress or worry the gutter (or both, obviously)
40: I have provided a picture of myself to scare the children of gutter members with (or in the hope somebody might find me attractive)
41: I have paid attention to my position in the list of top posters on the fforum
42: The gutter has driven me to drink on occasion
43: I'm trying to cheat on this test and get my score down
44: People worry about the time I spend in the gutter, including gutter members
45: I have used a private chat to bitch behind a gutter member's back
46: I can spot the innuendo in this question. (this is a hard one, btw)
47: I am amused by the sound effects in the chat room
48: I understand what typing one handed means
49: This quiz has made me seriously worry about my behaviour
50: I have cheated by writing these questions to ensure I get 100% impurity! Mwahahahaha!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scores:

Less than 20% impure

You are not fit to lick the boots of gutter members, and wouldn't want to do anything so kinky anyway. In fact, you only found this place while you were looking for knitting patterns for a tea cosy for your cat.

20 - 50%

You are merely a junior member of the gutter, and need to study the experts to improve. Do not fear, for the path downhill is well trodden... However, if you haven't decided to copy some of the suggestions of this quiz then it is unlikely you can regress properly.

50 - 80%

You are a true gutter member, and are probably quite pissed off not to score higher. The bile you unleash at anyone scoring higher may well move your score upwards, and if not a little practice will elevate you to a higher level anyway.

80 - 98%

You scare your grandmother - even before opening your mouth. You probably spend all day thinking of insults for PSD and trying to work out a new innuendo for your next post. You are fully equipped to enlighten others in the way of the gutter.

100% impure

You are PSD. Seek psychiatric help immediately.

Post Edited (08-19-03 02:23)

PSD

==========

This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Options: Reply To This Message•Quote This Message