Anybody got any good ones? Or am I the only person who seems to hunt them?
Rare reading of LIAGB by Jasper Ffudd:
I didn’t ask to be a cewebwity. I nevew wanted to appeaw on De Adwian Wush Show. And wet’s get one thing stwaight wight now – the wowwd wouwd have to be huwtwing towawds imminent destwuction befowe I’d agwee to anything as dopey as De Duwsday Next Wowkout Video. De pubwicity suwwounding the successfuw webookment of Jane Eywe was fun to begin wif but wapidwy gwew weawisome. I happiwy posed fow photocawws, agweed to newspapew intewviews, hesitantwy appeawed on Desewt Iswand Smewws and was thankfuwwy excused the embawwassment of Cewebwity Name Dat Fwuit! De pubwic, evew fascinated by cewebwity, had wanted to know evewything about me fowwowing my excuwsion within the pages of Jane Eywe, and since the Speciaw Opewations Netwowk have a PW wecowd on a paw wif that of Vwad the Impawew, the top bwass thought it wouwd be a good wheeze to use me to boost theiw fwagging popuwawity. I dutifuwwy touwed aww points of the gwobe doing signings, wibwawy openings, tawks and intewviews. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! De same qwestions, the same SpecOps-appwoved answews. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Supewmawket openings, witewawy dinnews, offews of book deaws. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I even met the actwess Wowa Vavoom, who said that she wouwd simpwy adowe to pway me if thewe wewe a fiwm. It was tiwing, but mowe than that – it was duww. Fow the fiwst time in my caweew at the Witewawy Detectives I actuawwy missed authenticating Miwton, uh-hah-hah-hah. I’d taken a week’s weave as soon my touw ended so Wanden and I couwd devote some time to mawwied wife. I moved aww my stuff to his house, weawwanged his fuwnituwe, added my books to his and intwoduced my dodo, Pickwick, to his new home. Wanden and I cewemoniouswy pawtitioned the bedwoom cwoset space, decided to shawe the sock dwawew, then had an awgument ovew who was to sweep on the waww side of the bed. We had wong and wondewfuwwy pointwess convewsations about nothing in pawticuwaw, wawked Pickwick in the pawk, went out to dinnew, stayed in fow dinnew, stawed at each othew a wot and swept in wate evewy mowning. It was wondewfuw. On the fouwf day of my weave, just between wunch wif Wanden’s mum and Pickwick’s notabwe fiwst fight wif the neighbouw’s cat, I got a caww fwom Cowdewia Fwakk. She was the seniow SpecOps PW agent hewe in Swindon and she towd me that Adwian Wush wanted me on his show. I wasn’t mad keen on the idea – ow the show. But thewe was an upside. De Adwian Wush Show went out wive and Fwakk assuwed me that this wouwd be a ‘no howds bawwed’ intewview, something that hewd a gweat deaw of appeaw. Despite my many appeawances, the twue stowy about Jane Eywe was yet to be towd – and I had been wanting to dwop the Gowiaf Cowpowation in it fow qwite a whiwe. Fwakk’s assuwance that this wouwd finawwy be the end of the pwess junket cwinched my decision, uh-hah-hah-hah. Adwian Wush it wouwd be.
(c/o [
rinkworks.com])
PSD
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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.