I'll promise not to tell - for a consideration...

Con report is coming up - it's just being written around essays, so moving slower that I would have liked

Do you want the full report (which includes boring things like money), or just the bits relating to Jasper Fforde?



I drink to drown my sorrows. Unfortunately they've learnt how to swim.

put it all...we can always edit it down if necessary!

Sheffield has some excellent museums, like the Kelham Island Industrial musuem, the Millenium galleries, which has some fabulous metalware, the Western Park musuem and two art galleries. We also have over 40 cinema screens and the largest indpendent cinema complex outside London.

Sheffield also has a lot of very good pubs. Not only is there plenty of good beer, there's a few pubs that carry real ciders too. Anyone who thinks that Strongbow is a cider, hasn't tried Waterloo Sunset or Ruby Tuesday. Mmmmmm,

Seconded. Real ciders must fulfil at least two of the following:

1: Apples must have been involved in the brewing process. Processed apple fruit substitute does not count. Hence Strongbow failing. Furthermore, it will taste of apple.

2: Like real ale, real cider should not be terribly fizzy. Fizziness is a marketting ploy to make the drink appealing to teenagers who are more used to pop. Just like pop, if you drink too much and then run around, you'll be sick through your nose.

3: Real cider should always have rumours of some alarming 'secret' ingredient. Such ingredients include human flesh, dead rats and red diesel. Elmley Castle Green cider is brewed with severl alarming ingredients, including dead dogs and halibuts, as well as VERY sour apples. It was sold by the quarter pint, and is now extinct. Allegedly.

4: Real cider should avoid the phrase 'Scrumpy'. This is a @#$%& trick to pass off sub-standard produce to grockles and emmets on their way home. There is such a thing as scrumpy (aka suicider) but it's never sold in pubs, only brewed by idiots at home. Sorry, I meant 'amateurs'. You can tell the real stuff by the way it dissolves your fillings.

5: Real cider tastes better as draft. No idea why. maybe it's watching somebody else pour it that's the key.



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.