As Jon's original "Spiked" thread rapidly went off-topic I've decided to start a new one on a related theme.

Jon _
I just read your "Buffygoon" parody. My hair has turned green with envy at your talent, and I laughed so hard that my knees dropped off! You managed to capture the spirit[s] of the Goons so perfectly... But where was Major Dennis Bloodnock?
(Pause)
Greenslade: "Yes, where WAS Major Bloodnock?"
(Bloodnock's theme music)
Bloodnock: "I was in Poona, in the officers' mess of my old regiment the 14th Armoured Thunderboxes. You won't find old Dennis going near any naughty vampires, oh no, that would be far too dangerous. Anyway there's a rich widow here whom I'm courting. Abdul! Bring me another dozen 'chota-pegs', chop-chop, and put them on Colonel Bentine's bill."
Greenslade: "On Colonel Bentine's bill? But won't he object?"
Bloodnock: "Object? object? How could he? He isn't even in this show any more... Ah, here's Gladys. Darling, you and your money-bags look ravishing tonight. Would you care to dance?"
Whoever's playing Gladys (in a deep voice): "Yuss."
Greenslade: "And here to play for you is Max Geldray..."
Max: "Ploogie!" (Begins to play 'Crocodile Rock' on his harmonica...)

(OUT OF TIME... TO BE CONTINUED...)



Post Edited (03-08-03 16:07)

Cool! Now all we need is Eccles and Bluebottle.



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That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

Aeough! Bleough!

I couldn't think of anyone in the Buffyverse who corresponded to the Major.
Look, I wrote it when drunk, OK?



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I am very interested in the Universe. I am specialising in the Universe and everything surrounding it. - E. L. Wisty

OK

OK, here I am again (waits for applause, doesn't get any, puts on record of crowd cheering...). Now, to continue what I was saying before the library in which I was online closed for the night...

Greenslade: "And here to play for you is Max Geldray."
Max: "Ploogie!" (Begins to play 'Crocodile Rock' on his harmonica...)
Harry Secombe*: "Quick, lads! Round the back for the old milk & brandy!" (Sound of cast members stampeding offstage)

(*At least in the versions of the shows reissued on CDs that I've collected.)

But enough of THAT rubbish, it's time for THIS rubbish...

What reading "Buffygoon" really insired me to do was to think about who would be cast in which roles if the Goons were to perform 'The Eyre Affair' and 'Lost In A Good Book'. The number of characters needed for this might be a problem. Speaking roles could be given to some of the musicians of course, as there's ample precednt for that, but introducing too many other guest actors might dilute the show's actual GQ (i.e. "goonery quotient") too far... Consequently I think that not only would some of the actors themselves have to take on several roles each but so would some of their 'Goons' personnas. Here's the list that I've come up with so far...

>Ned Seagoon as Thursday Next (Thursday Ned?): As Harry Secombe really only has the one voice he has to have a major role for this, and Neddie is usually the shows' central protagonist after all... I realise that some people might suggest Minnie Bannister for this role instead, but there are enough other characters whom I think she has to be anyway.

>Spike Milligan (in his own voice) as "Spike" Stoker, of course.
>Major Dennis Bloodnock as Colonel Next, Braxton Hicks, the UA of W Cat.
>Minnie Bannister as Polly, at least one Irma Cohen, Mrs Scroggins, Miss Havisham, Granny Next.
>Henry Crun as Filbert Snood, Mycroft, Wilbur & Orville, Lord volescamper, Harris Tweed.
>Hercules Grytype-Thin as Frampton the vampire, Felix, Jack Schitt, Schitt-Hawse, Yorrick Kaine.
>Count Jim "Plagiarist" Moriarty as Hobbes, Lavoisier, Captain Marat.
>Eccles as Styx Hades, Bowden Cable, Frankie Delamere, and all the Neanderthals. (OK, drop the last suggestion as insulting to Neanderthals.)
>Bluebottle as Pickwick: "Plock. Plock, plockety-plock. Plock, plock, plocky! I like this game I do. You do promise that I won't get deaded, don't you? What do you mean, 'now lay an egg'?!? I won't do it! Harm can come to a growing boy like that!" (Thursday Ned: "I'll give you this signed picture of Lola Vavoom starring as Lady Godiva". Bluebottle [thinks: I should be able to swap that for at least a quarter of jellybabies...] "Oh, well, all right, I will do it then. I will do it, my captain, I WILL lay an egg! .... You do promise that I won't be deaded?" [sound effects of heaving & straining, ending with the infamous "donkey breaking wind" one] "There, I have done'd it, I have laid an egg". Greenslade: "Yet another reason why this show could never be done on the television..." Bluebottle: "And look my egg is hatching. Is that a little Dodo inside it, or is it a little Bluebottle?" Eccles: "No, folks, it's me, the famous Eccles!" Thursday Ned: "Mad Dan!" What were you doing inside Pickwick's egg?" Eccles: "I was listening to the Ray Ellington Quartet. can't you hear them?" Ned: "Why yes, I can..." [fade in the sound of the Ray Ellington Quartet playing 'That's My Girl']).
>Bluebottle as Sturmey Archer, too?
>Mr Patel & Mr Bannerjee: Welsh characters...
>Yakamoto as Mrs Nakajima.
>Wallace Greenslade [announcer, & also]: Victor Analogy.
>Ray Ellington: Wednesday Next, Grace Poole.
>Max Geldray: Dr Mueller.

>Jane Eyre might be played by a female guest (if, as sometimes occurred, the Goons had one present), otherwise she's played by Minnie Bannister with Henry Crun adding Mr Rochester to his list of roles.
>The voice of Acheron Hades can not be transmitted using the current steam wireless technology, so his words will be reported by Mr Greenslade.
(Alternatively, if you really insist on having a first-person voice for Acheron, I suppose that Gryptype-Thin would be the obvious person to play him... giving Acheron & Felix the same voice, which might seem appropriate.)
>And whom as Landen Parke-Laine? or Aornis Hades?

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Warning! Product may contain Newts...

You can edit your posts, but don't think for one minute you can get away with it. I saw Max Geldof.

Ploogie! And give us yer *&^%in' money, NOW!



- - -
I am very interested in the Universe. I am specialising in the Universe and everything surrounding it. - E. L. Wisty

OK, OK, so I got his name wrong the first time around. I would plead, in mitigation, that i was writing the comment on a machine in my local library and one of the librarians was standing behind me saying things like "Hurry up & finish, we want to close for the night, haven't you got a home to go to?"

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Warning! Product may constrain Newts...