This morning I looked out of my window and saw a florist's van. Written on the side were these words:

-----------'s FLORISTS
FRESH, SILK and DRIED FLOWER ARRANGMENTS [sic]
* WEDDINGS
* FUNERALS
* BALLOONS

Is anyone else confused?



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That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

Hmmm. That does seem a bit confusing, yes.
My favourite message from the side of a van is one that a friend claimed to have seen somewhere in western London a few years ago: "H. Patel & Sons, Builders & Carpenters. You've had the Cowboys, now try the Indians." :-)

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Warning! Product may contain Newts...

I've heard that cowboys and indians one before someone. For some reason, I always read 'Shopfitters' on the side of a van as 'Shoplifters'.

Best graffitti written in muck on white van:

Experimental dirt Do not remove

I also saw a turf lorry a few years ago bearing the robust advice, "Don't seed it - sod it!"



..........................................................................................

That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

My favourite message in white dust was "How's my driving? Freefone 999"



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

I have a bottle of this stuff called "Goo Gone" and it's formulated to get rid of sticker and adhesive tape residue. Well, apparently you can't use it if you're Jewish...it states:

"Place a small amount of product on a soft cloth. Rub residue with a gentile motion."

I about peed when I saw that. My husband didn't get it until I explained it 3 times! LOL

lol

Seen in local paper - "Police find crack in body search".

Supply your own punchline using the terms 'arse' and 'elbow'



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Possibly the best ambiguous headline of all time, quoted by Douglas R Hofstadter in "Le Ton Beau de Marot", is this American one from the time of the Falklands crisis:

"British left waffles on Falklands".



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That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

1969 - New York Times, front page. Two headlines -

"Man walks on moon"
"Gourmet burns dishcloth"

Slow news day, I guess.



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

I saw a great sign once...

"Prosecutors will be violated."

Much funnier than the actual sign, "Violators will be prosecuted."
Very witty.

according to the bbc this morning 'over half the country has acccess to multi-channel television now'

I didn't realise you could get anything other than BBC1...

I read in Q Magazine (yeah British Q, I love it despite the fact it is very expensive here) of a great headline cut from a local UK paper...
"Four Kestels Manouvre in the Dark" plus more puns a plenty about some birds doing something or other - link to band "Orchestral Manouvres in the Dark" for anyone else who remembers that 80.s band.

I love witty headlines as opposed to corny puns. There is a US game called "Man bites dog" requiring participants to make these up sort of scrabble style - I have made up my own AUst version. Afterwards you are spotting funny headlines everywhere.

also often seen in country areas here - "trespassers shot, survivors prosecuted"

oh I cant shut up - heres one more sign I see on a drive I often make "weddings, makeup, body piercing" yes sure get your wedding hair and makeup done plus a bit of piercing.....good mix of clientele too.... The suburb is a bit, how do you say in the UK? depressed area, try hard fashion in a sad way.

going to bed now...

there's a great sign in Leeds by the Corn Exchange which says 'Dental Repairs while you wait'

There's a sign along the road to Lafeyette, Indiana which reads:
'Bob's Dog Obedience School and Taxidermy Shop.'



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"I've often said that the difference between British and American SF TV series is that the British ones have three-dimensional characters and cardboard spaceships, while the Americans do it the other way around."
--Ross Smith

There's a sign next to this really old church in Old Towne Alexandria, Virginia that has very limited parking and people tend to double park everywhere:

"No Parking....Violaters will be Baptized"

There is a shop in Edinburgh called "Read Books".



..........................................................................................

That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

Sorry, but best headline ever came after Caledonian Thistle stuffed Celtic in a a football match last year. Nobody would have cared about it, or even noticed, except for the Sun, who cleared the back page for no other reason than the world's best headline -

Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious.



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

I definitely agree - that is a world's best headline.
these days though with the "coalition of the willing' and so on it's hard to tell what's real, what's ironic and what could be a pun.

This is a true headline, from the Daily Express, 1945;

'British push bottles up Germans'.



- - -
I am very interested in the Universe. I am specialising in the Universe and everything surrounding it. - E. L. Wisty

Actual sign in a hotel in Cancun Mexico...

"The manager has personally passed all the water served here"


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