I summon the Tin Woodsman. He walks forward, wielding his axe defiantly and clanking menacingly with every step.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to do that?

Welcome DAFW, This saves me going back to the Fourth Bear Fforum and inviting you over!

Make yourself at home. There are some pies fresh from the virtual oven. I think that the last lot, and all the cake, is presently suffering from elephants (by the treehouse). There will be more along soon, though.

Why not visit the intos thread: it would be nice for that to have some introductions again.

And I would summon Banquo's ghost - just to see if he is as transparently obviously the conscience of the Scottish King as he seems to be.

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My computer beat me at chess, but I won at kickboxing

I summon that guy from the ghost busters with the vacuum cleaner.

I summon a big magnetic coil to remove all these threatening metallic objects - including the king's crown.

(Hi DAFW, by the way, may we call you Daffy?)

...oh, it was to be literary characters to be summoned? Lets see...anyone remember a story with a scrapyard in it?

Boy, everybody here is fantastically nice. I almost expect you to start trying to sell me discount herbal remedies any minute :) You may call me anything you like; I myself find it a bit tedious to type in a username the size of Brazil (the country, not the film) every time I wish to enter the Fforum... (Daffy sounds like a good abbreviation :) )

I'm overusing these accursed :) signs; I promise I'll stop...

I moved about the site a little before registering, and it seems to me that the demographic which enjoys Fforde books like ducks enjoy, erm, duck foods (?), AND is prone to prolific communal computer usage, is also, by fantastic coincidence, the one which is most disposed to construct oases of glorious civilization and intelligent discourse on the Internet. This is new to me, and I shall enjoy it.

Now I move on to the Introductions thread...

Hmmm, who would I summon? There are just so many to choose from. Actually, instead of summoning them to me, I'd like to go INTO the book, a la Thursday. I'd go into 'Beyond the Midnight Mountains' by Frank Charles (one of my favourite kids books which I still read often), or Lloyd Alexander's Prydain Chronicals, or to Narnia or (and this would be the ULTIMATE trip) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Drooooooooooooool!

Gonna be strange here and summon Sirrius Black due to his hottness! (I was in months of denial when he died :'( ) Or I suppose Mr Darcy. I love Rochester but franklyt he is a spoilt manipulative git for quite a bit of Jane Eyre!!

Right, I summon Merlin, from The Once and Future King. He trumps pretty much all of the wizards and witches from Harry Potter--repeating his classic move, he transforms himself into bacteria and brings Sirius Black to his knees. Beat that.

Yeah but now I get to nurse Sirius back to health! ;P So thanks for that! (nips out to put on the chicken broth!)

I summon Dorfl form Feet of Clay to confound your ickle bacterial merlin with his moulded exterior!

Hmmm…not much can stop a golem, except a combination of heat and water. But who could I summon?…

After dismissing Merlin, I summon Sergeant York, who peppers Dorfl's moulded exterior with clay-shattering World War One-era machine gun bullets.

By the way, I'm sorry about the aggression with which I summoned my last character. I was in a hurry, and I didn't read back over the post to make sure it didn't make me sound like a humorless git.

Also, you are in luck, because I am absolutely not well-read by any stretch of the imagination; too often I succumb to the temptations of television, radio, film, internet, and similar confoundments, if 'confoundments' can be a word. See? My ignorance surfaces already. Even this early, I had to think really hard to come up with Sergeant York... now that I think about it, I probably shouldn't have revealed that little wad of facts to you, given that this Fforum is inhabited nigh-exclusively by people obsessed with books. Again, don't shun me please--I hope to be like you someday :)

I Googled Sergeant York, and couldn't find anything but a movie reference, which I assume is a liberty we're taking with the word "literary". ;) Welcome to the fforum, by the way; this is an excellent thread idea.

In light of your choice of movie-type character, I will jump to the opposing side of World War One and summon the Red Baron to stop the machine gun fighting with some aerial shenanigans as well as bomb the remains of the golem.

If we are sticking to literature, I apologize and take my German dogfighter back. Do the "Peanuts" comics count as literature?

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You kids with your long hair and Baroque music...

Thank you for the compliment! I was hoping no one had thought of this before. I believe Sergeant York starred in various patriotic comics during WW1, but in any case, all film characters must first, by definition, appear in a screenplay, so no foul. Also, obeying the precedent of The Eyre Affair, in which the world of a textbook on space-age plasma weaponry proves its reality and ability to be entered, I would think historical characters drawn from textbooks should also be admissable. Consequently, I summon Eddie Rickenbacker, who I hope will at least stall the Red Baron while I muster literary reinforcements.

I summon a fighter ace greater than either Richtoffen or Rickenbacker - the (seemingly) immortal Major James Bigglesworth who flew in both WW1 and WW2.

He will fly sorties to protect Dorfl.

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My computer beat me at chess, but I won at kickboxing

I summon.....Snoopy.

Die Biggles Die!!!!!!!!!!!

Please! Like no-one here has ever taken liberties with the meaning of 'literary'...

I summon THE GUTTERSNIPES! Oh, and I decided that they ALWAYS roll a 20 on attack rolls...

I summon the makers of SPI Games - which use percentile dice, making 20 a pretty poor score - and transport the combat to the world of Dead Air.

I summon Ender from Ender's Game, who with his mathematical prowess will find some way to thwart those percentile dice. He will use said prowess and his knowledge of war games to defeat the air pilots rocketing around. I can't go into specifics because I'm god-awful at math(s).

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You kids with your long hair and Baroque music...

I thank Skidmarks for trying to protect my poor Golem!!!!!!!!!!!! And just to stop all this dice play I summon Granny Weatherwax! We could all use a bit of Headology!