Okay, today's the day for every annoying would-be joker to annoy everybody in the office with enforced jollity. Er, no, actually Comic Relief was a few eeks ago, wasn't it?

Did anybody play/receive/spot any good ones this year, or were they all cancelled for the duration?

Football365 claimed Man U were registering the trademark "United" (and had a uni professor writing in to claim they were scare-mongering using half-formed rumours and speculation dressed up as news). The Indy claimed that ITV were getting rid of a Saturday-night football show due to declining viewing figures. The Daily Mail claimed that the Crufts winner had had plastic surgery (although I'm still not convinced this is a spoof, personally).

My favourite was the Today programme on Radio Four claimed that Epsom and Aintree had agreed to switch the National and Derby around every other year -they claimed that modern technology would allow the national course to be recreated at Epsom using 'portable ditches and jumps'... Hmm.



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Nothing of any note this year, although I did sleep through almost the whole morning.

Two High School gags played by teachers:

At morning assembly, the headmaster announces that there will be a rugby team for girls. Anyone interested should come to the gym at break and see Mrs Heyhoe, who will be training the team.
(Mrs Heyhoe was about 5' 1", middleaged and plump. She was an English teacher). Apparently, a few girls did show up...

Mr Chaudoir spent an entire double geography lesson teaching his class the Lirpa Sloofyad theory about rivers in China running uphill as they were being drawn by gravity towards the equator (or some such similar rubbish). His pupils diligently wrote all this down in their textbooks until the end of the lesson, when he pointed to the date on the blackboard, and suggested they try reading Lirpa Sloofyad's name the other way around.

Why would anybody assume a girls' rugby team was a joke? I know loads of people who played on them (and if Lydia happens to read this, I'm sorry I never got to have a final drinking session with you and Bubble, and I still demand a rematch at bungee running)...



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Not so much the girl's rugby team as a joke, just who was supposed to be training them.

Watched 5th Gear special last night on lads vs. girls. Three couples competing to see whether men or women are better drivers.
All were equally bad at parking challenge - only one from each team succeeded. To be honest, trying to park between two ruddy great JCBs that will start moving closer after 15 seconds can't be good for anyone's nerves.
Next test asked drivers to approach obstacle at 50mph and either brake, or swerve to either side according to which light came on. Women noticably better than men at this, as they concentrated better and weren't so overconfident.
Next test was navigation. Each team given map and told to get from A to B then C. Men managed perfectly well. Three women got lost, were useless at map reading and generally confirmed stereotype. Annoyed the hell out of me, because I'm *good* at mapreading and navigation.
Last thing was cart race, with men starting from behind. As predicted, they barged their way through, were more aggresive and more competitive. Three men came in top three places.

So what can we learn ?
Men generally make better racing drivers.
Women are safer on the roads. (which is where most of us actually drive).
Never park between JCBs.
More women should ignore nonsense spouted by psychologist about differences in way we use spacial awareness, and LEARN TO READ MAPS !

Why is it good that there are women astronauts ?
So when the crew get lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions.

'New Scientist' magazine used to run one April Fool's Day story each year, in whichever issue was published closest to that date. It stopped doing so at some point during the late 1980s or early 1990s, because the writers were making them too plausible and so too many readers were (a) taking them seriously and (b) ignoring genuine stories which they thought were the actual AFD ones. If I remember correctly then the final one was about a plan to stop people annoyng fellow passengers by using walkmans (or any other equivalent devices) on London's "Underground" trains (that's "Subway" trains for Americans...): This would have worked by generating a strong magnetic field, that would wipe their tapes blank, from the "live rail" that supplies the trains with their electrical power. Looked quite plausible (and a good idea) to me...

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"Some days I diet, other days they serve lasagne."

Fond memories of April issues of 'Dragon' magazine. Lists of useful items like the Cloak of Blending. This was fastened with a brooch that had four settings: stir, mix, chop and blend.
Didn't do much good to whoever was inside cloak.

I didn't even look in this month's "Dragon" to see if they had one of those. There have been some pretty good ones, though. My hubby loves "Dragon" and "Dungeon" and used to roleplay quite avidly. Unfortunately he, and all his gaming buddies, have gotten real jobs with long hours, gotten married, had kids, etc, so they don't have nearly the time to play.

story of my life mate, story of my life.

Not that I'd swap eddie for all the tea in china and all the free time in the world...

Awwww.

Just eaten first chocolate of the day. A KitKat that Mum brought in with my tea at 6. Have nobly resisted until now.
Ooh, it tasted gooood.

give in to the cravings I say. Makes them disappear.

chocolate. oooh, I love chocolate.

Well, the bit about the Crufts winner having plastic surgery was reported here on the evening news, so either it's not a spoof after all, or someone here in the States didn't realize that it was.



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"I've often said that the difference between British and American SF TV series is that the British ones have three-dimensional characters and cardboard spaceships, while the Americans do it the other way around."
--Ross Smith

Elsewhere in the world the Iraqi ambassador to Russia missed the 'humour' aspect of the whole thing...

[www.themoscowtimes.com]



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Just turned on channel 5 news and seen their map of how American forces are stationed around Bagdad. Positions are marked with large arrowheads with stars and stripes infill. Far too much like opening titles of 'Dad's Army'.

"Don't panic, Mr Hussain, Sir"



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

"That Mr Bush, he's a very silly boy."

"Don't tell them your name, Franks!"



Post Edited (04-03-03 21:33)

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

You realise I've done naff all work today because I've spent so much time on the fforum ? I might get somewhere when I return to Sheffield and I'm on my off-peak connexion, instead of having Dad's broadband to abuse.