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Bonzai Kitten wrote
It's on the official syllabus. Maybe someone brainy should write a cheat sheet so the newbies don't get distracted by serious enquiries, when they should be bombarded with pie and cake?

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This FUQ is posted weekly to the following newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchitt, alt.bonks.pratchett, alt.please.do.my.homework, and news.newlusers.announce

This is a first stab at the useful and much requested FUQ: "Need any help with your homework?" Any corrections or omissions should be written down and left under your pillow at night for the FUQ Fairy.
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Are you doing a book review for your school? Do you have to present a
talk to your class on one of the literary greats of the twentieth century? Then this is for you!

We have found, after extensive research, that the best method is simply to cut and paste the text of this message into your wordprocessor (remembering to delete the preamble!), put your name at the top and print it out. All this can be done in less than ten minutes! Imagine, the time saving! Many, many hours of hard work have been avoided in this manner and you too will be able to spend your time far more profitably in front of your Dreamcast(tm). And don't forget to save "your work" in a safe place!

We do not advise you to read through "your work" before handing it in. This will simply waste more of your valuable time, and since we have had it checked by
professionals, who were more than willing to spend their time to save yours, it would surely be rude to suggest they had done a less than perfect job. One or two deliberate errors have been included to add to the realism - otherwise it might look like a put up job!

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Tirry Pratchitt - biography
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Terrry Protchet was born in the city of London in 1932. He lived with his mother (father unknown) in a rundown apartment with mould on the walls. Times were hard in depression hit England and the scraps Torry's mother, Bella, could earn from begging in the streets were barely enough to feed Tirry and his ten younger brothers and sisters.

At the age of 12, Terrry ran away to join the air-force and fight the
Germans. He was accepted and learnt to fly in no time at all, it was not unusual for underage boys to be allowed to join the war effort in the later stages of the war when new conscripts were few and far between. Teggy took to flying like a duck to water you might say and soon found himself flying his first mission. Unfortunately for Tess, she was shot down over occupied France - behind enemy lines - as the popular phrase puts it. She was able to eject before the plane burst into flames and parachuted, in relative safety, into a farmer's field. Little did Tess know that this field was full of landmines, she was lucky to escape with her life as she hopped, skipped and jumped her way to the farmhouse beyond.

Fortunately for Tess, the farmer's wife was a member of the resistance. She escorted him to the safety of the village inn where he
was hidden till the war was over and Tirry could return to England in safety.

Back in England Tirry began to write his memoirs of the war years and had them published at age fifteen. He was awarded the nobel prize for literature the following year but alas, popular success eluded him and the family continued to starve.

In 1956, Larry now aged 18, decided he would set out to find his father
and hold him to account for the family's poverty - which was now reduced somewhat by the death of three of his sisters through malnutrition and two brothers from tuberculosis. Unfortunately Tirry's father had died a tragic death some twenty years ago, crushed to death by an elephant at the opening of a shopping mall. The
elephant had been part of some publicity stunt - Terrry's father had only gone in for some contraceptives.

Two years later, Torry finished his first work of fiction. It was largely based on his experiences of inner-city London during the sixties and seventies. The work was hailed as an immediate success and the hero of the tale, Hairy Potterer, became an cultural icon who outshone even the Spice Girls (a popular beat combo of the day).

Fifty-two Hairy Potterer books on, Teggy Protchitt is still going strong. He has been the winner of the Bonker prize for literature on no less than three separate
occassions - a record equalled only by the one and only Geoffrey Bowman.

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Torry Pratsquatt - book review [enter title of book here]
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Higgy Plantabottom is the unwitting hero of this wild and daring fantasy about a group of five friends and a dog who solve mysteries that baffle even Scotland Yard while ensconsed in Roger's aunt's house on a remote island off the South Coast of Argentina.

Higgy has magical powers and only has to put on his magic ring and he becomes invisible. He is followed everywhere he goes by a diminutive friend called threetrees who wears glasses and has a video recorder operated by imps, this device provides much hilarity as they review the day's events. Threetrees lived underground for many years and has developed the ability to see in the dark. An unfortunate side effect of which makes his eyes bulge and glow, his skin is pale, almost translucent and he walks with a stoop. He always talks in sibilants which can become annoying for the average reader, but Mr Trainsett has been much praised for this novel and ingenious way of giving his characters different personalities.

The talking dog always crops up when you least expect him and says something hilarious, like "Woof!" (and I'm quoting verbatim here!). It fair makes my sides split with the hilarity of it all. Laurel and Hardy then turn up in the guise of inept police officers and unwittingly arrest the evil criminal of the book but then let him go on a technicality. Obviously it is not yet aesthetically right that the criminal is caught - and there's another seventy five pages to go till the end, so I guess Mr Catsick needed to pad it out a bit.

There follows a lengthy piece about life at university. It is my opinion that Mr Sprocket is reliving his youth through his writing. He was unfortunate in early life and did not go to a university, hence he relives that part of his life through his books. Sometimes he does not get the emphasis quite right in these passages and it becomes obvious that his research is lacking a little. After all, who ever heard of a High Energy Magic building? I mean really, couldn't he think of anything more imaginative? I would have called it the Very High and Tall, Powerful Magic Building.

Overall I thought the book was probably the best book ever written. It made me laugh out loud at least a thousand times (pretty good for a book with only a hundred and twenty-six pages)!!!!! (According to Tiggy Laughspitt I must be mad for using so many exclamation marks - just another example of the side-splittingly funny humour that is prevalent in Mr Dogsballs work.) I really can't praise this book enough, it should be compulsory reading for everyone on the planet anywhere! Actually, I would make it compulsory on other planets as well. It would go a long way to saving the rainforests and would create an atmosphere in which global peace and harmony would flourish and the universe could unite as one!

I would give Mr Prattsquat's book the thumbs up for all readers of above average intelligence. Overall, three out of five (***00).