Do you ever have moments in your life where, just for a split second, everything's so surreal you seriously expect to look up and see blimps in the sky? I've had several of these just lately, probably on account of the fact I've got a pet house rabbit that thinks it's a dodo.

My other new thread will - hopefully - direct you to some photos that will explain what I mean, but until then I'll kick off with one from reality TV. This won't make sense unless you're in the UK and/or familiar with the latest series of the X Factor but for those who are: I REFUSE TO BELIEVE 'SAME DIFFERENCE' ORIGINATED FROM MY PART OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!! Their last performance took the biscuit. And what's more, they are feted by Simon Cowell!!!!
Okay, I've calmed down now, but they're generics aren't they?! Quite recently created, I'd say - they tick all the right boxes! Question is - why are they here? Did they accidently stray into the X Factor annual, and decide to broaden their horizons, or is it something more sinister??? I say the latter - it's got to be a bid for world domination via a complex grid of karaoke machines and TV sets, but where will it all end? I mean, they can't sing yet they've got the audience voting them into the ffinal next week - when everybody KNOWS it should have been Nickie up there. And what have they done with Simon Cowell's brain?! I'm no fan, but I'm off to see how much has changed in his autobiography, if it even exists any more.

Whenever I begin to falter, I just remember that scene - a full circus troupe, the entire stage full of Barnum and Bailey-ites, cartwheeling and fire eating while a 'brother and sister' act sing a love song to each other.

Spooky. They had CLOWNS. God, they had clowns ...

Have you read "Chart Throb" by Ben Elton? It really does explain why certain acts go further than others on X Factor.

I don't think I've laughed so much at the programme before.

Clowns uuugggghhh!!!!!

Based on the interview Cowell did with Parkinson I think replacing him with a generic would be a good thing. He came across to me as one of the most repulsive individuals to ever appear on Parky.

To ascribe a 'brain' to Cowell is a slur against 'brains' of all categories and capabilities. That he is popular and successful would indicate that there are an enormous number of malfunctioning generics operating in the 'real' world and society.

o_O

bunyip Wrote:
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> Based on the interview Cowell did with Parkinson I
> think replacing him with a generic would be a good
> thing. He came across to me as one of the most
> repulsive individuals to ever appear on Parky.
>
> To ascribe a 'brain' to Cowell is a slur against
> 'brains' of all categories and capabilities. That
> he is popular and successful would indicate that
> there are an enormous number of malfunctioning
> generics operating in the 'real' world and
> society.

I'm not saying I LIKE him, but the fact you say he was repulsive on Parky seems to indicate this was the 'real' Simon, rather than the 'gottat' one. The one I watched Saturday was so nice to Ms and Mr Creepy Circus act, it was like seeing Mrs Tiggywinkle on tranqs. Being kind to Simon for once, it could have been a brainswap - especially if our two rogue generics imagined Mrs TW to have the intelligence of a normal hedgehog. Perhaps they thought Simon would step into the path of a pantechnicon and roll himself into a ball first chance he got.

Maybe not. A repulsive Mrs TW might not get noticed straight away, but the sound of her brain rattling about in her skull might ...

These are just two of the many 'personal' moments that made me set this up (both read rather than witnessed, which I also feel is significant)

First is the best (and a case where a jar of rice and lentils definitely would have produced some interesting patterns).
Having a last minute sort through my book chuck-outs a few weeks back, I found one I didn't remember putting there - the Private Eye book of boobs, an 80's pb full of hilarious misprints from around the world. Having decided it was too good to throw away, I had a quick read through before collecting my local free ad paper. I'm looking for a kids' guitar so went straight to the 'musical' section - this is where instruments, instrumental books and all things relating to drum kits are sold.
This, as near as dammit, is what I found under the heading (I cut out the original and sent it off to Private Eye, in the hope it'll get me some extra Xmas poundies)

1. Yamaha piano for sale, near new condition, phone for details on ...
2. Trumpet for sale, complete with case. A bargain at £125. Would suit student ...
3. For sale, 45 champagne flutes. Over-ordered for party. £35 the lot. First to see will buy ...
4. Music teacher is selling off various surplus woodwind. All recently serviced, complete with cases. email me on ...

Now, there are a lot of impoverished musicians in my area, so these things tend to change hands fairly quickly. This will be the fifth week in a row that poor guy at No. 3 has been advertising.
Question: Whose idea was it to put that ad in this section - his or theirs, do you think? Probably his, especially if he was still recovering from the party.

Second is also on one of my photos. My local DVD rental store has recently become an off licence as well. Outside is a post box, about a foot from the pavement, for people to return their films when the store is closed. There's a big arrow on the window pointing downwards, and above it in giant lettering the message 'DROP ZONE.'

Unfortunate then that, recently, the manager saw fit to place an equally large poster above this, showing a huge, half full beer mug and the words 'Off licence.'
It'll be funnier when you see the photo, trust me on this.

"it was like seeing Mrs Tiggywinkle on tranqs"
Am I the only one who now desperately wants to see beatrix potter characters get wasted?

Nah, I've been wanting that ever since I got that Cat in the Hat shirt...

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Signature or shameless self-promotion?
You decide:

[www.myspace.com]

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Kitten: No. But I want to do it to the Winnie the Pooh characters and Paddington Bear too.

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'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

The Flopsy Bunnies went "soporific" after eating lettuce, an effect I have never experienced. The story doesn't say whether they had the munchies later.

I should have called this thread 'You couldn't make it up.' Did anyone read the Chinese survival story in the news this week? I can't remember where I saw it, but apparently a group of Chinese workers got themselves marrooned/lost recently, somewhere they were unlikely to get help. Can't recall all the facts, but it might have involved a plane crash on a mountainside. Anyhow, the article told how they quickly got through all their emergency provisions, they were disorientated and starving, had to decide what to do next to preserve the lives of the crew. Well, most of the crew anyway. Naturally, one poor sod had to make the ultimate sacrifice ...

He lost his trousers. Or rather, the belt that was holding them up. Yes, I too thought 'Cool, cannibal crash story' when I first saw it, but no. One of them (possibly the one with the most meat on him) noticed that hooray, no need to die, he was wearing a leather belt. What made me chuckle, was his comment that they tried boiling it in water, to see if it would be more palatable.
It wasn't.

Good on them for not instantly resorting to cannibalism. Unlike certain fforumites I could name.

/me stops gnawing on Kitten's leg.

Sorry.

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'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

You say cannibal like it's a bad thing! Eating the fat guy sounds like the good option boiling the belt sounds like it belongs up there with possum soup. If memory serves right it goes: add possum, large rock and water to a pan simmer for as long as possible, extract possum, eat stone.

Remind me never to get on a plane with you- just in case!

JazzSue,

We have a suburb in Adelaide called Paradise. It was market gardens up to 35 years ago. I don't know if they grew oranges there.

Some years ago the sewerage network had to be upgraded. Headline in local paper was:

'New sewers needed in Paradise'

A copy was sent to Fritz Speigel for his publications of similar materials by the then Professor of Philiosophy at Adelaide Uni.