Actually, several, as in cream acrylic wool mix with felt backing. This kind of follows on from my 'aarrghooowww' post, because who was it who ended up with a badly lacerated arm because she hadn't got round to laying stair carpet over the lethal tacking strips left by the previous owner? Correct. And who was it who declared, 'This is dangerous, I'm doing the job NOW, before someone has a nasty accident?' - and then promptly had a VERY nasty accident involving a Stanley blade and several feet of stair carpet? Correct again.
Naturally, I chose an expensive light cream wool mix, and threatened death to anyone who made the first mark on it. Naturally, I made several very large first marks on it because the tip of the blade penetrated a main arm vein so I bled like a stuck pig. Curiously, I was trimming the carpet after I'd hammered it to the same bloody tacking strips I'd injured the other arm on, the week before.
If anyone ever tells you that gushing blood from a leetle tiny minor cut doesn't happen except in the movies, tell them from me - they are wrong. Of course I've cut myself before - in far worse places. But this is the first time I've ever watched it actually DRIPPING. Cue panic time, and a call for an ambulance. By the time he arrived, I'd not only stopped bleeding - the cut was repairing itself. He said he'd better do SOMETHING or the booking sheet would remain empty, but the cut was too twee even for a steristrip (the smallest dressing they carry) My eldest suggested he put a plaster on it - and then produced the only plasters we possess, kiddy ones with cartoon faces on. I swear the sod smirked when he picked out an alligator one 'because at least it LOOKS dangerous!'He was treating the whole episode like it was a comedy or something. Honestly, I felt like saying, 'It might not look much to you, mate, but to me it was very nearly an armful!'

Anyway, the relevance comes from the fact that Thursday's 'cover' is running a carpet shop, right? Well, I did eventually finish the stairs, and very nice they look too; very professional (apart from the nasty brownish splodge on the fourth tread down.) Today, I brought home a giant roll in the same colour to do the lounge and hallway with. As I stood there wondering, 'How the hell do I unroll and measure THIS?!' I realised: today is Thursday.
Do you think, if I read the books and concentrate hard enough, a certain fictional heroine may appear in a puff of expletive deletives, and show me how to do the job properly?

How we revert to our childhoods when threatened. How hancockian is the 'armful' Of course you would not have used the '..or anything else.' line , would you?

What you really need is a ruler of the Universe to have somebody obey his command, like: cover that floor and make it cower before me'