Chesse Enforcement Agency

Legal to trade and eat with a Grade II Cheese Licence

Humboldt fog cheese (2.1)

This soft-ripened goat cheese has a layer of wood ash running down the middle which serves to lessen the impact of the triple strength cheese. Beware of more dangerous fakes which use a sand substitute and thus fail to counter the lethal dose of cheese.

Duty charged per kilo: £156.

String Cheese (2.3)

String cheese
The CEA has been attempting to get this cheese graded as Class 'A' for several months. It's not particularly dangerous or anything, we just don't think it's very good.

Duty charged per kilo:£136

Jarlsberg (3.5)

Easily mistaken for the more harmless Leerdammer. This cheese remains a Class B due to very obvious infestation by large cheese grubs. The holes made by these grubs can be cut out and sent to the CEA for inspection.

Duty charged per kilo: £178.

Gorgonzola (3.4)

Many may think that this cheese is Class A, but it can actually be owned with a licence. It is pungent and deeply veined. Strong, but rarely lethal.

Duty charged per kilo: £172.50

Saint Agur Salty (2.1)

Saint agur
This cheese did appear briefly in supermarkets, before its true strength was revealed. The level of salt has deemed it too dangerous for general consumption.

Duty charged per kilo: £162.75.

Class A
Class C

CEA - The Cheese Enforcement Agency - 2007
Please do not approach anyone offering to sell you illegal cheese - They could be armed and are inevitable dangerous!