Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

Toad News Banner
Next Article                   Previous Article

The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 27th Feb 2008.

Labrador named Bozo least reflective object known to man

A black lab named Bozo

Bozo shows off her zero-reflectivity

A close-up of Bozo's flank (totally black)

A close up of that award-winning blackness

Researchers at Renester Polytechnic Institute in New York were last night licking their wounds regarding the rash claim last week that they had, using carbon nanotube technology, created the 'blackest substance known to man'.

Prof Sir John Pembrey, who led the New York team, conceded publicly that a black labrador named Bozo who lives with her owners, Arthur and Doris Smedley in Sidcup, smashes their hard-won record by a factor of eight.

"Obviously we were disappointed," explained Professor Pembrey, "since we have spent almost ten years and a considerable amount of cash getting to where we are now. But we're looking on the bright side. With Bozo's almost zero reflectivity, we will be able to look at a host of practical applications in electronics and solar energy that our inferior nanotubes just won't be able to tackle."

Bozo's reflective index is actually too low to be measured, and Bristol University, who have been studying Bozo since her whelping two years ago, admit to being somewhat puzzled.

"It's like you stare into her flanks and there's nothing there," said Dr Hunt yesterday, "Nothing. Just empty blackness. Even Interstellar space is brighter than this. We've pointed six ex-war department searchlights at her and aside from some rapid panting she took it in her stride - but we couldn't detect a single photon coming back out."

But Bozo's non-reflectivity is only one mystery that the affable canine might be hiding, for the black coat of the champion pooch seems to actually absorb light - massive quantities of it.

"It's true," said Dr Hunt, "when Bozo walks into the lab the room becomes noticeably darker, and if you look very carefully into the empty void that are her flanks, you begin to see an infinite star-field moving away from you. Last June an intern went missing when attempting to shampoo her. It's really weird."

Wendell Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.


Quick-Fit Exhausts finally purchase spellchecker

'My Girl' voted worst Macauley Culkin movie ever

Belgium abandons chocolate standard

Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

the toad
More Toad