March 26th 2009
Toad News - March 14th 2009
Common Cold 'worse for men'
A woman having a 'lesser' cold.
Leading male scientists at the Man Studies Facility of Machismo university yesterday released the findings of a much awaited report that proves beyond all reasonable doubt that men actually do suffer worse when they get a cold.
The all-male man-funded team had been working on the study for many years, and had devised several experiments where men and women volunteers with colds were subjected to a series of tasks to discover how badly each gender suffers from colds.
In one test, the subjects were told that the washing needed to be done and the children picked up from school, and while 97% of women were able to complete the task, only 12% of men were able even to get up, with the majority staying in bed, groaning pathetically and feeling sorry for themselves.
"The results speak for themselves," explained Dr. Quatt, "in every instance women were able to continue working, while men were unable to perform even the simplest tasks, with the possible exception of watching the footy or to reluctantly go down the pub 'in order not to upset their mates'
The study also noted that males tend to suffer more from a variety of illnesses and not just colds, but the Male Scientists discounted the findings of the Female study group over at the Univercity of Girl, which concluded that men were actually pathetic malingerers who only wanted to be mothered.
The team of all-male scientists reacted angrily to the slur, and pointed out that their study had been male-peer-reviewed and was thus incapable of error, and concluded that the all-women scientists were probably upset and hysterical because they were having their period.
Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.
The all-male man-funded team had been working on the study for many years, and had devised several experiments where men and women volunteers with colds were subjected to a series of tasks to discover how badly each gender suffers from colds.
In one test, the subjects were told that the washing needed to be done and the children picked up from school, and while 97% of women were able to complete the task, only 12% of men were able even to get up, with the majority staying in bed, groaning pathetically and feeling sorry for themselves.
"The results speak for themselves," explained Dr. Quatt, "in every instance women were able to continue working, while men were unable to perform even the simplest tasks, with the possible exception of watching the footy or to reluctantly go down the pub 'in order not to upset their mates'
The study also noted that males tend to suffer more from a variety of illnesses and not just colds, but the Male Scientists discounted the findings of the Female study group over at the Univercity of Girl, which concluded that men were actually pathetic malingerers who only wanted to be mothered.
The team of all-male scientists reacted angrily to the slur, and pointed out that their study had been male-peer-reviewed and was thus incapable of error, and concluded that the all-women scientists were probably upset and hysterical because they were having their period.
Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.