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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 2nd Jan 2012

Dog Archbishop calls for new owners to 'not give up' on puppies.

The traditional sermon by Dog Archbishop Dr. Towser O'Bone was this year directed at new owners whom he implored to 'not give up' on new puppies who were loud, disobedient, and chewed stuff.

He also implored those who had been given youthful dogs over Christmas to regard their 'needlessly destructive' habits as not symptomatic of dogs in general, but those of a 'small minority' of dogs who may have been 'caught up in the moment' and chewed slippers, nipped infants and and stole food by breaking into pantries and butcher's shops.

The sermon, delivered by way of the traditional 'Twilight Barking', was in stark contrast to the previous year, where Dr. O'Bone exhorted young dogs to 'show restraint' in the post-Christmas period, a time often marked by anxiety of potential abandonment.

The tragedy of the 'Christmas Dog' is something that has been close to Dr O'Bone for many years, and he has said in the past that every dog abandoned in February or sent to a dog's home was like a 'dagger to his heart', and since puppies have been historically unresponsive to the Archbishop's pleas, Dr O'Bone has taken the unique step of speaking to human owners directly.

"When you see the gifts they can offer," Said Dr O'Bone, "the energy that can be released when they feel safe and loved, you see what a tragedy we so often allow to happen."

Dr O'Bone's words have been taken onboard by many owners who have agreed to show greater tolerance towards barking at night and pooing on the carpet, and have also shown support for Dr O'Bone's requests for extra government funding for universal obedience classes, more agility in schools, and mandated twice-daily walks.

Joshua Barque, feeder Journalist from The Daily Woof
Toad picture

Chewed credit card. An unnamed Radnorshire pooch
demonstrates how NOT to win over owners.

Toad Picture

How it should be done. Milly demonstrates the correct technique
for being a valued member of the family

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