April 12th 2009
Six out of seven dwarves
not Happy, survey shows
Perpetuating unwelcome stereotypes on a DVD near you
Dwarf contentment seemed to be at an all-time low yesterday as a leaked government report revealed that six out of seven dwarves were not Happy. However, a later paragraph in the same report suggested that only one out of seven dwarves was Grumpy, leading psychologists to conclude that perhaps as many as five dwarves were neither Happy nor Grumpy, but somewhere in between.
The long-awaited report into the well-being of the Disney favourites, who for over five decades have been annoying countless millions of increasingly confused and bored children, points to a wealth of knowledge that has until now been unknown, such as the fact that 14% of Dwarves are in the medical profession, as opposed to only 1.2% in the general population.
A similar percentage of dwarves may also suffer from narcolepsy, but by cross-referring the statistics it has been concluded that not one single dwarf who was a Doc was also Sleepy, which must be a huge relief to patients in the enchanted wood.