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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. Issue 31,370 28th November 2005.

Author Buys New Freezer

"It just kept on frosting up." With that short, terse statement, Award-Winning author Jasper Fforde reluctantly decided that it was time to buy a new freezer. "Actually, we got the old Indesit 672-B with the house," explained Fforde at his rambling two bedroomed Welsh Mansionette yesterday, "and although things froze -kind of - it was never really cold. And when the doorseal went and it looked like the third ice age in there, we just thought enough was enough."

Fforde's hunt for a new freezer led him all the way to Curry's in Hereford where he was unable to make a decision. "Gee, they all look alike," he said, moving slowly down a row of brand-name freezers that were unaccountably all made in China, "do I get a large capacity and use more energy, or go for something smaller and pack all the stuff in?"

But Curry's, we learned, were not to benefit from Fforde's consumer durable buying power. "I tend to shop local because it helps the local economy," he explained, "but I like to look at the range in the big stores before ordering down the road. It's kind of like Argos, but in reverse. Mind you, if Curry's were stonkingly cheaper, the local economy may have to take a running leap and kiss my greedy butt."

Luckily for Jones Electrical in Hay-on-Wye, the price differential was not too onerous. "I paid about 35 more, but that's okay," said Fforde, pointing out that delivery was included in the price, "I went for the nine cubic foot Hotpoint. It's smaller, but we can just pack things in a bit tighter - and I may thaw out those things I can't recognise. If I don't know what they are I'll just give them to the dog."

We visited Fforde a few days later to see how he and his new freezer were getting on. "It's a dream!" he exclaimed. "It uses about a tenth of the power, and the food is actually frozen rather than just chilly." We asked him about the disposal of the old freezer, as this has become something of an issue in recent months. "I just got Mari to take it down to the household waste reclamation site in Brecon," he explained, "and instructed her to start crying if they wouldn't take it. As it turned out, they take them for free and now she's got a slipped disc, so I'm not too popular right now."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad, London

Fforde with new freezer


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