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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 6th March 2008.

Dukes of Hazzard sequel may lead to extinction of '69 Dodge Charger

the cast of the dukes of hazzard

A healthy Charger poses with its human co-stars

a dodge charge leaps a bayou in Nazzard Countyk

A '69 Charger heading towards extinction

Automobile conservationists have warned that the 1969 Dodge Charger, already on the 'Endangered' list following seven relentlessly destructive TV seasons and a recent 2005 movie, may face extinction if subjected to a further sequel.

"The Charger only thrives in a very fragile environment," said Jim Frontenac, noted Musclecarologist, "which requires insanely low gas prices and a breezy, confident America that doesn't concern itself with environmental issues or the lack of legroom in the rear. Sadly, we've seen that habitat shrink in the past few decades, and healthy Chargers these days are just too rare to have Bo and Luke destroy in a further sequel to The Dukes of Hazzard."

The wildly successful TV series, which ran from 1979 to 1985 and featured Tom Wopat and John Schneider as cousins Luke and Bo, was characterised by unbelievable car stunts, a corrupt local businessman and Catherine Bach's cut-off cut-offs, known now and forever as 'Daisy Dukes'.

"Sure, we may have destroyed several hundred '69s," explained Producer Tab Dettling of Warner Pictures, "but we've also raised the profile of the Charger beyond anything that petrol heads alone might have achieved. The Duke's orange 'General Lee' with its dazzlingly inappropriate confederate battle-flag painted on the roof is probably about the most recognisable car in the world, and that should count for something."

But Jim Frontenac disagrees, and likens it to the loss of the 1960 Cal-Market Volkswagen Beetle following the hugely destructive Herbie movies, with a single example now confined to a heated San Diego garage.

"With rust, abandonment and unsympathetic restoration also hastening its departure, as little as twenty-seven more exhilarating yet destructive leaps over Hazzard county's creeks and bayous may simply tip the Charger into extinction, and a proud yet obscenely wasteful era in American motoring will have gone for ever.'

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

Also inside your Toad:

Duke Family tree shows 'inconsistencies', report reveals.
Computer-aided 'Cousin analysis' of the show reveals Jesse Duke may have had as many as seven siblings, all boys. 'Unless,' a cynic notes, 'there is another, more sinister explanation.'

Secret Model T Ford cull revealed
Recently discovered papers in a Washington archive reveals that the numbers of Model Ts were so dangerously high in the 1920s that only an extensive cull would leave room for more cars to be built. Hollywood responded patriotically by forming a 'Model T Destruction Comittee' headed by such notables as Laurel and Hardy, Buster Keaton, and Harold Lloyd.

Blues Brothers controversy continues
Word-by-word script analysis of the 1980 John Landis movie reveal that Jake and Elwood may not have actually been brothers, it was reported yesterday. The unamed source concluded after eighteen years study that they were brought up in an orphanage and were probably not related, a theory that might be bolstered from their distinctly different looks and body-type. The same source also noted that neither of them were blue, and exhibted more of a 'pinkish tinge' througout the movie.

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