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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 17th December 2012

iPhone 6 to have 2nd mobile
phone built in as standard

The iPhone 6, currently slated for release in June 2013 will have a second mobile phone built into it, Apple insiders confided yesterday.

"We've been doing market research and consumers are constantly requesting pointless features that don't have any true function," said Mr Eden at Apple Expo 2012, "and having a second mobile phone inside your mobile phone will clearly address this issue."

The second mobile phone will mean that you can now call someone else while you're already talking to someone, or call the Barista to tell them what you want as you're in line at Costa talking to someone else.

"You will even be able to call yourself and tell yourself about your new iPhone," added Mr Eden, "It's a huge step forward."

Wayne Rampart, for the Tech Toad
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The iPhone 6. J Fforde: Listen, if a turd was shiny and had an Apple logo, I'd buy one.

King Louie Deposed

The world of cartoon jungles was rocked to the core yesterday when it was announced that King Louie, the famous singing Orangutan, had been ousted by a group of monkeys led by an as-yet unnamed senior monkey.

Self-styled 'King' Louie, whose quest for fire and catchy jazz singing has been the mainstay of his government since 1967, was reputed to be seeking asylum in Madagascar 2, as the new Monkey Government takes stock of King Louie's less-than-impressive legacy, and consider ways in which the kingdom can move forward.

Viewers of The Jungle Book have been left unimpressed by King Louie's exit, as many consider his appearance the high point of the movie, and talks are ongoing to enable King Louie to return in a 'non-governmental yet singing capacity'

A spokesman for King Louie said: "Haberdoozoy with a rim bab naza."

Tiffany Sapphire, The Hollywood Toad
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King Louie in sparkling form, minutes before the coup.

Great Buildings 'Mostly air',
Claims Architect.

The world of fine architecture was reeling in shock yesterday as a noted architect revealed that almost all of the great buildings of the world are, in fact, mostly air and contain very little building materials at all.

The shocking revelation, which industry insiders say has been an 'open secret' for many years, may shake the industry to its foundations, and require a redesgination of all great structures to a simpler, more gaseous, formula.

"What used to be the Eiffel tower will henceforth be known as 'Air, with a hint of iron' said Mr Corbusier interviewd in Architecture Today yesterday, and described St Paul's Cathedral as 'just a whole bunch of Nitrogen and Oxygen with a thin coating of masonry.'

Josh Hatchett, The Toad
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Two of the least gaseous architectural monuments on the planet.
Picture: Berthold Werner

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