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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 4th March 2008.

Lack of Jetpacks and Hovercars leaves baby-boomers 'cheated'

A hovercar

Not yet available in a showroom near you

A jet pack

Unavailable as flatpack kit in IKEA

The total lack of any futuristic inventions in modern-day life have left some baby-boomers feeling cheated by the lack of really exciting modern technology, a new study has revealed.

"We were promised by the year 2000 that we would all have personal jet packs, hover cars and holiday on the moon," said a disappointed Mr Arbuthnot yesterday, "but not one of these promises has materialised."

Mr Arbuthnot is just one of a growing band of those born in the forties and fifties who feel that the modern world has not lived up to expectations. Raised on a diet of 'anything is possible' speculative fiction in magazines and popular Sci-Fi, Mr Arbuthnot feels that he has been the subject of some monstrous deception.

"I should be living in a city under the sea right now," he explained, "and to be able to teleport anywhere on the planet using a special belt. Instead of wasting time on flat-screen TVs and ever-faster broadband connections, today's scientists should be building time machines and rockets to fly to Jupiter. "

But leading technologists went on the defence yesterday, blaming a rogue faction of futurologists for 'misrepresenting' the future.

"All that bionic limb stuff was really just wishful thinking," explained a leading technologist yesterday, "and instead of whining on about the lack of Warp engines and household fusion devices, people like Mr Arbuthnot should embrace more useful inventions, such as the digital watch, JPEG algorithms, replacement hip-joints and the ability to use a telephone as a camera."

But Mr Arbuthnot will not be deterred in his wish to have a time-travel wristwatch, and today decided to bring suit against all scientists for misrepresentation, failure to deliver 'fun' technology and lack of vision.

"Our aim is to put a daiquiri-mixing personal valet-droid in every home by 2020," he said, "and I don't care who I have to upset to achieve it."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.


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