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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. April 6th 2009.

Kellogg's 'Standard K'
fails to win over consumers

Standard K

'Standard K' - now withdrawn

Despite millions of dollars of investment and a hard-hitting advertising campaign, the team behind the 'Standard K' breakfast cereal finally admitted defeat yesterday and withdrew the breakfast cereal from its product range.

"Obviously the whole marketing team are hugely disappointed," said a spokesman yesterday, "but despite a concerted effort by our team to achieve market penetration, 'Standard K' remains one of the least well-known breakfast cereal, with sales a poor three units in the last three months, and all of those by accident. Given that sort of poor showing on the blanace sheets, we had no choice but to call it a day.

The cereal, launched to much fanfare in 1982, soon lost ground to its enhanced cousin, 'Special K' which is exactly the same only marketted at women in red swimsuits, a ploy that the Standard K team missed entirely.

"We really dropped the ball on the 'Women in Red Swimsuit' demographic early on," admitted the Standard K team leader, "and never recovered. It's a dark day for breakfast cereals everywhere."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

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