Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

Toad News Banner
Next Article                   Previous Article

The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 20th Dec 2011.

Colonel Mustard freed after
27 years in custody

Toad News Photograph

Colonel Mustard Considering legal action agaisnt Hasbro

Colonel Mustard was yesterday celebrating with friends after a long-awaited appeal found that the initial inquiry that led to his conviction was considered 'unsafe' and 'riddled with procedural inconsistencies'.

The 72 year old decorated veteran of Monte Cassino had always maintained his innocence, and his conviction at the time made legal history as the investigating body relied not on who had done the murder, but by a process of elimination only discovered who hadn't - a method of detecting described by one retired police officer as 'neither helpful, reliable nor logical'.

"The initial investigating team were haphazard,' reported Colonel Mustard's defence council following the successful appeal, "and seemed to spend the hours following the murder walking randomly around the ground floor of the murder house, asking each other who they thought had done it, in which room and with what murder weapon. No attempt was made to look for forensic evidence, no autopsy was performed, and the upstairs or grounds of the house were not even looked at. It was amateur in the extreme."

The murder weapon has also been cast into doubt, as much was made of the lead piping in the initial trial, although no evidence was produced to link the weapon with the defendant, nor any evidence to suppose the victim had been killed in that fashion. "They never even discussed a motive," continued Colonel Mustard's defence council, "Quite frankly I am disappointed that a leave to appeal was not granted to Colonel Mustard earlier, and we are very happy with the court's decision."

Only two members of the initial investigating team were tracked down, and both of them initially denied any procedural errors.

"We followed the rulebook to the letter," declared Mr Harvey, now 55, "and the rules specifically stated that a process of elimination was all that was required." when asked if he thought that the investigation could have been more thorughly undetraken, he conceded that "errors may have been made" but denied malicious intent, adding that "the investigating team were young, had become bored early on during the inquiry and wanted to move swiftly on to buying up most of London and make their fortune in rent and property transactions."

Mrs White, who was in the murder house twenty-seven years ago had always been a supporter of Colonel Mustard. "We were all suspects and could have been found guilty just as easily. There was a certain randomness to the investigation that we all found deeply disturbing. I am delighted at the outcome of today's appeal."

The case has been recently subjected to a cold case review and police have said that 'new and credible' evidence has come to light that indicates Miss Scarlett might have been involved, in the library, with the rope.

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

Also inside your Toad:

Overcomplex and unreliable mouse trap 'unlikely to seriously dent rodent population'

Field-marshal loses whole of North America on throw of dice

Dog told to move back three spaces; fails to advance to go.

Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

the toad
More Toad