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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 7th Dec 2010.

Finding Nemo given retrospective '18' rating after outcry over controversial baby killing scene

Finding nemo

Marlin (Centre) and cast put on a brave face despite the massacre

Disney and Pixar were in crisis talks yesterday over the retroactive decision by the British Board of Film Classification to rescind the 'U' certificate from the wildly popular 2003 animated feature, Finding Nemo.

The move, applauded by Catholic and children welfare groups everywhere, was taken after a frame-by-frame analysis of an early part of the film, which purportedly depicts a baby massacre on a mammoth scale.

"We have already lodged an appeal," said a Pixar spokesman, "and have not yet ruled out the possibility of cuts where appropriate to return the movie to its broad family appeal."

The scene in which Nemo's mother and his 2000 siblings are eaten by a barracuda slipped past the censors unnoticed when first viewed, but recent moves to have cartoon violence made comparable to real violence have led to a spree of recent reclassifications. The lovable rogues Tom and Jerry, for instance, are now classified 18, and can only be viewed by adults.

The financial ramifications of the reclassification are far-reaching, and could cost many millions of dollars, as every single DVD sold to underage viewers will have to be recalled.

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

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Bambi's stick legs too thin to support body
That was the shock finding of a three year engineering feasibility study by leading scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. "A young deer is arguably quite light," said Professor Bleent yesterday, "but even so the spindly legs of the Bambi character are 27% too thin to carry his bodyweight - especially on the snow."

Sub prime cheese loans set to ruin mouse economy
A succession of cascading defaults in the volatile sub prime cheese market sent shockwaves around the mouse economy Tuesday, when the loans offered to low-income mouse families were found to be less sturdy than was at first thought.

"Everyone thought Cheese Loans were bullet proof," said a Mouse financial analyst yesterday, "but it seems that the unprecedented low cheese interest rates encouraged less reputable mouse bankers to offer loans to mice that could not possibly afford them, and that these loans were illegally packaged and sold on to unsuspecting investors - luckily, to Cat-owned Hedge Fund managers, who will be justly punished for attempting to cash in on cheese-poor mouse families."

A spokesperson for Cat Investment Holdings, one of the many Funds to be hit by the Collateralised Cheese Obligations default, told us: "This is typical of the squeaking little bastards. Run up huge debts and then head for the wainscotting. We'll be using all legal methods to recoup our losses, but if those fail, the gloves are off and the claws are out."

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