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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 30th April 2008.

Wireless Broadband network brings more rubbish faster to rural communities

Some Broadband masts

Just some of the modern technology to hit the countryside

A ZX80 Sinclair computer

Computers - state of the art in 1980

A recently introduced system of linked microwave broadband networks will bring spam at unprecedented speeds to rural internet users, and also allow access to poorly constructed websites with contents of dubious quality at breakneck speed.

"It's incredible," said Mr Johnson of Painscastle yesterday, "only last week my dial-up connection was faulty, prone to failure and brought in spam at a snail's pace. Now we have a microwave networked access, I can download hundreds of unwanted emails for fake Rolex watches, viagra and penis enlargement. I'm so happy!"

Mr Johnson wasn't the only beneficiary of a project designed to bring more garbage quicker to rural communities starved of banal blogs, unfunny Youtube films and disinformation.

"For too long the rural community have been denied access to the colossal amount of time-wasting garbage on the internet," proclaimed Donald Cheeseman yesterday, "but now we can proudly boast that even those living in the most isolated areas can be frustrated and annoyed by endless spam, phishing scams and offers to launder 15,000,000 for a Nigerian intermediary. "

"But the benefits don't stop there," continued Mr Cheeseman, pausing only briefly to check his blackberry, "What with a snowstorm of pointless emails from friends and mild acquaintances to clog up the inbox and use all their waking hours to wade through, rural users will soon be able to take their place along with the rest of the technological overclass: Tired, cynical, and stuck in an airless room, a slave to the keyboard. It's a tremendous day for progress and technology."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

Also inside your Computing Toad:

New 'Super Ultra Broadband Pro' able to download Pizzas

Windows emulation on Mac keeps crashing; project hailed 'A huge success'

Mac users 'sickeningly smug' claims WhatPC? magazine

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