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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 1st Mar 2011.

Piers Morgan breaks down
during relentless
Desert Island Discs questioning

Piers Morgan was yesterday under investigation by police after confessing to a string of crimes during a recording of the BBC's flagship R4 show, Desert Island Discs.

Insider sources report that former Mirror editor Piers Morgan, 52, broke down during the relentless questioning by interviewer Kirsty Young.

"It was chilling to behold," said a recording engineer yesterday, "Mr Morgan's usual aloof and somewhat arrogant manner was sytematically demolished by Ms Young's incisive questions until he could bare it no more and started to confess to a string of murders that went back twenty years."

The show, which has run since the fourteenth century, is well known for its hard questioning, and media observers point out that the originator of the show, Mr Roy Plumley, often lulled guests into a false sense of security by highlighting his guest's achieivements and asking them 'to choose their final tune' before dramtically turning the tables and forcing a confession from his unsuspecting victims.

"I've not seen anything like this since Mr Plumley got Mother Theresa of Calcutta to admit that she had smuggled weapons to Nicaragua in 1973," said an unnamed source, "and although we like and respect Sue Lawley, she had only managed to elicit one confession during her tenure in the show - a tearful admission from Heston Blumenthal that he had attempted to have Delia Smith 'liquidated', and then blame it on Jamie Oliver."

The show, which famously fired Jeremy Paxman for his 'luke warm approach to interviewing' remains not only the viewer's favourite, but also that most feared by celebrities.

"Initially I thought it a great honour," said Cilla Black, currently doing a fifteen year stretch in HMP Parkhurst, "like many I regard Desert Island Discs as the final accolade to acceptance within British society, along with an OBE and becoming the victim of a News of the World sting. And like many I was convinced I could withstand the probing questions and get through the music choices before deciding on my book and one luxury. It's strange. One moment I'm telling Ms. Young why I chose 'Please Please Me' as my third tune, and the next I'm sobbing and telling her about the time I used to dump bodies for the mob in Hackney Marshes."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

Toad News Photograph

A desert. Image: Bertrand Devouard

Toad News Photograph

An island. Image: NASA

Toad News Photograph

A disc. Image: FredrikT

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