Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

Toad News Banner
Next Article                   Previous Article

The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. Issue 31,371 1st February 2007.

Bottle of Pimm's Found Drunk

Pimms found drunk

A bottle of Pimm's in a severely drunk state

Alerted by a concerned member of the public, a drunk bottle of Pimm's was this morning taken into custody. The passerby who discovered the severly drunken bottle remarked that they had seen the drunk bottle the previous evening, and in the same place the following morning.

'We can confirm that an unnamed bottle was taken into custody this morning,' said Detective Inspector Fonebone to a packed room of reporters, 'and that toxicological tests have revealed a quantity of alcohol within the bottle. Clearly,' he added, 'this once more demonstrates the scourge of drunk bottles and beercans that litter the nation's hedgerows and landfill sites.'

The shock discovery lends credibility to an increased state of drunkenness among the nation's bottles, a trend that seems to have grown in recent years. "A century ago being drunk was mostly the preserve of mugs, goblets and wine glasses," explained Mr Stopper, head of 'Hit the drunk, not the bottle', the national body responsible for bottles and cans who are at risk from being drunk, 'but just recently we've seen an explosion of drunk bottles hitting the sidewalks - many of which just lie there, in an inert drunken state until literally picked up off the floor the following morning.'

Wendell Hatchett, reporting for The Toad, outside pub.

Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

the toad
More Toad