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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. March 8th 2009.

Student's function to 'test education system' challenged


A school yesterday, home to the mysterious 'pupils'

The traditional function of a British schoolchild to test the education system is being challenged by educational fundamentalists, a report revealed yesterday.

"The long held belief that young people are there simply to gauge the efficiency of the school system is hopelessly flawed," said Mr Dribble, a radical educationalist yesterday, "and we need to start teaching children important things that might be useful in later life, rather than using them as a testbed to evaluate better ways of running schools and judging teacher's individual performance."

The novel concept that you might actually 'teach' something in order to enhance a young human's capacity for reasoned argument was met with howls of derision at the Ministry of education yesterday, who had spent many years, hundreds of millions of pounds, appointed scores of focus groups and countless different 'strategies' to finely hone the skill of figuring out how well they are doing.

"Quite frankly," said a ministry spokesman yesterday, "it is an insult to the highly trained educationalists who have given their entire careers in the pursuit of better testing procedures. What these self-styled 'traditionalists' fail to comprehend is that it is only out of a sense of charity that we have children in schools at all - a huge amount of taxpayer's cash could be saved by simply sending children home and testing teachers and schools directly."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

Also in your Toad:

Ministry of Education ponders existence of mythical 'child'.

Overworked History Masters demand erasure of Dark Ages to free up curriculum.

Relevance of Oxbow lakes to be challenged.

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