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British people fear 'surveillance Society', intercepted messages reveal
Fear of surveillance is just one of the many subjects revealed in the nation's email, phone and text messages, it was reported yesterday by the Government Communications Headquarters. The stark findings were obtained by sifting through many hundreds of millions of intercepted communications of ordinary British People that range from simple text and emails to hi-tech lip-read CCTV evidence, and even from recovered data found by rummaging through trash cans.

"Quite frankly we were amazed," said Arnold Redacted of GCHQ, "the suspicion that the government might be eavesdropping on almost every conversation seems to be a kind of national paranoia if the level of our intercepts are correct, and we would like to assure the public that fears we are turning into a 'surveillance society' are completely unfounded."

Intercepts also clearly reveal the feeling of powerlessness of Government snooping, with emails circulated privately between law-abiding citizens regarding issues of privacy reaching 78,329 in the last six months of 2007 alone. Civil-rights advocates who brought a petition to parliament last week to complain about excessive government prying were told that parliament already had early drafts of the petition going back to June 2006, and had been looking at the proposals carefully, as well as many of the petitioners associates, their friends, and anyone else they could think of.
Nothing to fear
A Granny

"The snooping has gone too far," said Robert J of the National Civil Liberties Association in the 2nd draft of a speech he will be giving next week, "and we will be looking at ways to make the government more accountable." He then wrote a letter to his vet about the cat's fur-balls, ordered a curry, had sex with his girlfriend and slept from 12:07 to 07:23.

But concerns over surveillance were not the only matters raised by GCHQ, who are canvassing parliament over educational issues regarding poor spelling and slang which make the intercepts hard to read. They also pointed out that Britain are fast becoming a nation of mumblers, which makes recording conversations across crowded rooms very difficult. "If only people would speak clearly and properly," added Mr Redacted, "we might be able to hear them better."

Wendell Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

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