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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. Issue 31,265. June 26th 2005

Budget ID Scheme
Finds Favour with Ministers

Worried over spiralling costs for the controversial UK Identity Card scheme, government ministers were last night appraising a low-cost approach to the problem borrowing tried-and-tested technology from the agricultural industry.
    "Even the most conservative cost estimate of the biometric ID system is fourteen trillion pounds," announced The home secretary yesterday, "and we are worried that this still might not protect the innocent citizen against the life-threatening and not at all overblown problem of identity theft."
    The new system will consist of ear tags almost identical to the tags that mark livestock throughout the world.
    "Children will be tagged at birth," said the home secreatary, "and will thus begin to accrue the benefits of Government surveillance from day one."
    The system will also save money by using barcode recognition technology that is already in place at nearly all retail outlets, and the ready-trained tag applicators at the nation's farms.
    "We estimate that this system, which already has the police force's approval, will cost only 1.04p per person, plus VAT. And to show that we are in touch with the nation's youth, the tags will be available in six different colours."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad, London
Budget ID scheme announced

Claire Willis models the new-look ID tag.


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