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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 23rd April 2008.

Politicians asked to make 'token gesture' over Tibet


The typical view of Tibet


A group of protestors - not from Free Tibet (Please)

Leaders of all the world's nations were asked to commit themselves to a token gesture in support of Tibet, a low-pressure group announced yesterday.

"We're not asking much," said My Wapcaplitt of Free Tibet (Please), an international group renowned for conducting utterly pointless acts of protest, "but even the smallest gesture might appease the free world's insufferably feeble sense of guilt, while maintaining good relations with China, since we need their unrepresented population as cheap labour to keep firing our economy."

Mr Sarkozy of France was the first to bravely take up a limp posture with the announcement that he 'might' not attend the Olympic opening ceremony, a move supporters said was akin to the devastatingly ineffective 'sending a polite email to the Chinese ambassador'

"This is just the sort of wishy-washy act of tepid defiance we applaud," commented Mr Wapcaplitt, "utterly meaningless, yet playing to the gallery. We almost had to chastise Mr Brown for his plainly provocative facetime with the Dalai Lama, but since we understand it will mostly be a meeting of the 'nodding and agreeing' variety, we can give it our wholehearted support. We have also heard that the Prime Minister's Press Secretary has confirmed that an audible 'tut' relating to Tibet may be conducted in March next year."

Other world leaders were also rallying to the call, with President Bush of America agreeing to 'shake his head sadly' when attending the Olympic opening, and Mr Belusconi of Italy, who pledged to use 'firm words' when discussing the matter with his hairdresser in private.

But what does Free Tibet (Please) think about the protests surrounding the Olympic Torch?

"We need to be careful. Direct and concerted action does actually help to shame repressive regimes in power," said Mr Wapcaplitt, "and if the people of the developed world want to keep their refrigerators, three car households, mobile phones, fancy electronic goods at artificially low prices and cheap clothes from Primark, they should follow the good example set by their elected leaders, and just stare blankly in the opposite direction."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

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