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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. Issue 31,265. June 26th 2005

Future may be Silent,
Claims Scientist

That was the stark warning issued to the government yesterday when Professor Jamison, renowned statistician and nutball, gave his long-awaited report into the danger of creating too many rememberance silences.

"I know six or seven two-minute respectful absences of speech at noteworthy events every year might not seem like much," said the professor yesterday, "but an increase in as little as three extra silences a decade could result in a 24-hour speech-free zone by the year 8764."

Asked to comment further on his theory of a literal 'dumbing down' of the population, Jamison added that even by as early as 5612 we would only be able to converse for less than an hour a day. "I've looked into the future," claimed Jamison, "and it's Trappist."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad, London
Budget ID scheme announced

The future yesterday


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