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Penguin latest food - available
in abundance soon

Penguins could be the Sunday roast of choice if a plan to use the world penguin surplus goes ahead, Goliath Food Chiefs announced yesterday. Penguins, long considered to be inedible by even the most hardiest of sailors, have recently been discovered to taste a lot like veal, if cooked for long enough.

The stupid looking seabird, once considered 'cute' and 'funny' but now known to be a violent desecrator of the beautiful unspoilt wilderness of Antarctica, will be available as a frozen dish by as early as next month. As part of the launch of this abundant new foodstuff, There will be a special penguin cookery show on GoliathChannel 16, as well as a highly amusing advertising campaign with the catchy phrase: 'P-p-p-prepare a p-p-penguin!'

Opposition for the new foodstuff has been minor, with only nine people (figures adjusted for accuracy) claiming that the penguin should not be eaten. "The thing is," said Mr White, Goliath's head nutritionist, "is that by eating only one penguin a week you can make up your entire recommended weekly intake of penguin, which we have decided is . . . one penguin."

Mrs Sutton of Sidcup was one of the first lucky housewives to be offered penguin and she told us: "At first, I was wary of the seabird. We had tried Great Auk and found it a bit stringy. But once we had eaten it, we will be having penguin every week - goodbye chicken!"

Claims from opposition groups that Goliath were simply 'Treating Antarctica like a fire sale' are unfounded. None of the 3.2 million penguins currently available to consumers originate from the Goliath-owned continent, but are reared in an eco-friendly farm in Norfolk. They claim.
  penguin meat
A penguin yesterday

penguin damage
A penguin damages ice and snow
in a wanton display of vandalism.

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