Prismatic Division

The arrival of the first copy of my new book is always an exciting moment, and is enough for me to undergo a Spontaneous Prismatic Divison, and seperate out into my individual colour channels. It's a little known but mostly harmless condition, and often quite useful. As you can see, my colour channels have their own distinct characters. Jaspercyan is the effusive one, Jaspergenta more reserved, and Jasperellow is .. well, just plain annoying. Here he tries - and fails - to photobomb the others. Prismatic division is unusual but not unprecedented. It's long thought that Kandinsky could undergo it at will and entrusted only Kanmagenta to do any painting. With Pollock it was more the work of Sidcyan and Sidyellow with Sidmagenta making the coffee and ordering pizzas. The condition can have downsides, too: It's always supposed that Anthony Eden made a dog's dinner of the Suez issue due to stress-related prismatic divison, and without the calming effect of Athony Cyan - who took the opportunity to go on a tour of the lake district with the yellow colour separation layer of a charming young lady named Dorothy. If Eden had been at full hue, history might have been very different indeed. On the plus side and for readers everywhere, Jaspergenta fleshed out the original idea for Shades of Grey while taking a leave of abscence for 'personal reasons' in 2008. While he was away it was necessary to redden myself up with beetroot so no-one noticed.

The change is not permanent, and usually only lasts between two to six hours. It's a good opportunity to have a quick game of tennis with myself. Jasperyellow usually sits it out or agrees to be the umpire. You can only just see him, like the dumb phantom lemon he is, sitting centre foreground and making stupid comments.

It's also a good time to catch up on old arguments, with Jaspercyan and Jaspergenta here having a friendly argument over the veracity of Field Marshal Montgomery's autobigraphy, which, like most political biographries, should be taken with a pinch of salt. Jasperyellow here seems uninterested, having long reached the conclusion that all political biographies should be retitled: 'Everyone's a ***t except me'.

Of course it's not all fun and games, the opportunity for cutting signing time in three should never be passed up, although Jasperyellow, as usual, ends up shirking. Here he is seen 'supervising' Jaspercyan and Jaspergenta, who are busy signing copies of 'The Constant Rabbit' for independent booksellers.

The merging back into a single RGB colour model usually starts at the feet and works its way upwards, leaving the head able to remain layered, but it doesn't last for long. Although Prismatic Division is generally only from an RGB viewpoint, the more extreme case of CYMK Division is not unheard of and considerably more dangerous. In extreme cases the 'K' (or Key level) never returns at all, leaving the victim looking washed out and without definition, for life. You've probably seen them about.