Act 1
Scene one

A busy Eastern Bazaar.

Jasmin (sings) : "I'm leaning on a lamp stall at the corner of the street in case a certain little 'ladin passes by, oh me, oh my, in case a certain little 'ladin passes by"

Enter cyberman/bunny from above.

Cyberman/bunny: "I've got a complaint about the lamp I bought last week"
Jasmin "Sighs"
Cyberman/bunny: "I asked for an outfit that was out of this world, and look what I got"

Enter Cowardly lion stage left...

<Hopes that isn't a cue as have never been to panto and couldn't possibly extemporise>

Jasmin enters Stage Sideways. Adjusts tutu, teeters on tippy-toes, strokes beard.

Expounds: "'ello 'ello 'ello. what do you call a blond policeman?"

Adjusts crotch of tights, descends through trapdoor, opens centerfold from "The Magic Book of Haberdashery, Topiary and Vector Calculus," readjusts tight crotch. Apologises. Opens pack of sesame crackers, cracks can of stumpy cider, lights organic cigar. Coughs, extinguishes cigar, repositions trampoline marked, "Property of cowardly Lion." Looks around for applause. Not a sausage. Replaces kneecaps on knees, resumes study of script.

repositions trampoline, ready for launch sequence

yells "I don't know, what do you call a blond policeman?" from the stalls.

throws a packet of Walls Chipolatas on to the stage.

<Cowardly Lion enters stage left.>

<Lion looks at the audience, jumps and runs off to behind some large barrels.>

<Mysterious turbaned lady enters stage right>

<mysterious turbaned lady as yet uncast>
<No current new of turban from props dept>
Promt (off stage) as invisible turban is thrown on stage:

"I say, I say, I say my lion has got no nose, but you can smell him from miles off. Does anybody know where he is?"

"If your name is Barrel, then He is behind you!"

<mysterious invisible turbaned lady tries to remember which side is stage right, figures it doesn't matter, I'm invisible.>

<picks up Walls Chipolatas, sets them on top of barrels, wonders if Cowardly Lion will take bait>

<pushes hastily assembled turbine onto stage>

<considers having a quiet word with props dept, but gets side tracked by trying to find out how a turbine made almost entirely from tumbleweeds seems to be actually able to work>

Speckles enters dressed as Aladin.

<Speckles does the obliged exposition and then a joke>

<mysterious invisible turbaned lady giggles politely at joke, wonders what it meant, as I missed the punch line.>

<goes to find lion treats. exits stage left. I think.>

<offers to label the wings of the theatre with pastry letters so that actoros can recognise Stage left from the other side.

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My computer beat me at chess, but I won at kickboxing

<an "s" for stage left would be very useful, and then an "S" for stage right.>

We need letters on each door, too. Perhaps an "S" for Staff, Scenery Manager, Senior Actor, Secondary Actors, Supplementary Actors, Safety Officer, Students, and of course, Sundry.

Back in a mo. Just looking for the Stationary room.

<Starts to assemble giant moustache for mistycat to return in>

<Looks for room that is not moving>

<avoids being knocked over by careening "Ball" room>

<recovers footing and knocks on Stationary Room door>

<averts eyes, and passes in costume>

I'll draw an "S" on the Stationary room, in purple crayon. Hope that helps you find the right room, MistyCat. Huh. If I'm invisible, are my crayons? Cool! They are!

<off to draw all over the stage, hoping the Ball room doesn't smudge anything>

Thanks, VM and CR. Using the handlebar moustache and the bicycle from the Stationary room (marked with the purple "S") I managed to catch up to the rolling ball-mounted Stationery room (marked with an Invisible "S") to get some fresh Script Sheets.

<Finds place in script, returns to Stage.
Has forgotten glasses.
Guesses line.
Calls, "A blond policeman is a Light-haired Lawman!"
Waits for applause.
Snarler shortage continues.>

<cue Aladdin!>

Psssssst! Aladdin! He means you!

<tosses tumbleweeds onto stage to entertain audience, marvels at the graceful tumbling>