So I have been wondering what, in the course of the Define that word! immediately! thread, has, in fact, been defined. (and how often)

1229 words have yet been defined between July 10, 2008 and February 28, 2012)
55 of them on more than one occasion

The most defined words are Define (5 times), Weatherman (4 times, but that word might be disqualified, since not a single of the occurrences was in reply to a request), Impediment (3 times) and Turquoise (3 times).

For four words, definitions have been requested, but never given: (excluding "gender", which is still up for grabs)
Conversation
Mineral
Misanthrope
Waiting (obviously)

The most elaborate definitions* were for Workhorse (197 words/1120 characters) and Bee (222 words/1116 characters), the shortest for Coffee ("Vile.")

* including discussions about the definitions. Bees don't really care about orange-striped bell-bottoms, but fforumites do.

And now...

...is your last chance. If you don't object, I'll post all definitions, in alphabetical order, on a single page. And that is going to be a loooong page...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/04/2012 10:50AM by PrinzHilde.

My name is MistyCat, and I approve the preceding message.

Dear PH


You say "this" has been defined. Has it really or is this a problem word?

Well, ah, it hasn't. But is this a problem? That word has been defined. See for yourself, then.

100 proof
The endings to two episodes of Hawaii 50.

A l'orange
a way of ruining a perfectly good meal, especially when any of plum, cherry or port sauce are available.

Aardvark
A.A. Milnes' less successful cousin.

Abacus
I device threaded with wooden paddles. In an attempt to educate man.

Abbreviate
addicted to, and continuing to, breaving

Ability
the governing body of a monastic establishment.

Abominable
A very clever and crafty, though somewhat large, explosive device that lands on your doorstep, compliments you on the wallpaper in the hallway, ably helps you repaint your front porch, then, just as suddenly, blows itself up, ruining everything.

Abseil
a bit like windsurfing but down the side of a cliff.*
Not Cliff Richards though.

Absorbant
Laboratory-quality absorbent terrier-towelling, used to mop up spills of formic acid.

Abstract
(1) essay on specific muscle group often shown on TV as being available if you buy a certain piece of hardware:
(2) a state of not being there, thus being somewhere else, which then becomes there:
(3) anagram of 'cabs ratt' a rare Dutch creature which lives in seawalls and does nothing to make anyone notice it is there, much unlike a 'cart stab' which is very noticeable

Abundant
A giant fondant made to look like a big Chelsea bun.

Abuse
What men do to get a six-pack.

Accent
a tree person intent on suicide

Accompany
something to go "Viva l ' to.

Acerbic
a ballpoint pen made by a computer company.

Acronym
a loop the loop of promiscuous nature

Acropolis
the city of scaffolding

Act
ACT: Acronym for Convenient Terms

Actor
what a reactor reacts to.

Adder
A compulsive clipper of newspaper advertisements.

Addiction
enunciating cardinal numbers clearly.

Adipose
The stance taught to young thespians for use in commercial advertising.

a stance adopted specifically for a clothes catalogue, more specifically mens underwear.

Adjective
style of coding designed to create Browser Pop-up Blockers.

Adjudication
Judgment made by Judge Judy.

Adolescence
Hitler's personal fragrance.

Adult
Someone who is old enough to watch "Adult Indie Films"

Advertisements
Things which are stuck on vertisements

Advertising
Television programming interrupted by brief snippets of drama, comedy and news.

Afloat
anagram of AFL TAO: which means that as in the toilet the biggest turds rise to the top.

Aftershock
the period of time during which you come to realise that sweet tea with sugar tastes vile and the blanket around your shoulders is itch and smells of cat.

Age
something that does not wither them*
*those who gave their lives to protect our priveledge to enjoy things like the fforum.

Agnostic
sorry, I,m not sure one way or the other so will leave this one for someone else to come up with a definition
Someone who hopes they can say "I knew that" after they see the answer.

Agony
Caption used in New York-based films, denoting an historic scene.

Agree
Right inside of Crooked brings harmony.

Albeit
Al Beit: South African Diamond Magnate.

Alcohol
the kind of vacation taken in Ibiza by young people.

Alien
lass with one leg and a definte accent. (old joke, I haven't met my quota this month).

Alley
A friend in the side street.

Alligator
an extended fable involving a crocodile

Altruistic
an irrational belief that the welfare of others is of concern

Amaryllis
small Texan town, difficult to find without instructions

Amass
acquire a whole heap of grey stuff after ritual flag burning

Ambidextrous
The inability to write a screenplay/novel with either hand

Ambiguity
(or have we already done this. If so, stupid.)
Tarzan describing heights to a child.

the ability to use a computers graphic user interface at room temperature.

Ambivalence
Ambivalence? Hamlet.

Ambulatory
a conservative going to the hospital.

Amnesiac
Someone allergic to friendly French people.

Amorphous
Similar in shape to a tiny clay animated figure.

Amphibious
the realisation that you are a habitual liar.

Amusia
A very small amusement/fantasia park.

Analgesic
A non-geodesic dome, often perceived in non-lucid dreaming.

Anchorman
A tattoo artist who specializes in tattooing sailors' shoulders.

Anglican
a hexagonal tin

Animal
A cartoon illness.

Ankh
An anchor that just, well, doesn't.

Anteroom
The place all the flying ants group before flying off.

Anthracites
Arthracites: Legal term for petitions used in parrot related cases, popularised via Arthur H Hmph versus Polly, 1953, Connecticut.

Anti-perspirant
Satan's own deodorant

Antidisestablishmentarianism
The process by which concepts are articulated into longer and longer words until they acquire so many syllables that they must be entombed.

a synonym for "it"

Antithesis
an act performed usually by aged old professors as they send 4 or 5 years work by aspiring academics down the jolly old drain.

Apocalyptic
feeling at not being able to complete the crossword

Apocryphal
a-poc-ryphal: not containing pookas. Most Hollywood films are apocryphal, with film "Harvey," starring Jimmy Stewart, remaining the most notable exception.

Appalachian
A person who posts dreadful comments, see appalling.

Apparent
a ripped piece of apparel

Apple
device used to prove existence of gravity.
[Apples are serious business apparently]

Approval
a program to create elongated circle-like shapes

Aptitude
a small program for a silly phone which causes some people to take a defensive stance.

Aqueduct
a movement to avoid being hit in the face by horizontal rain

Arcane
the angel responsible for all things sweet in days of yore.

Arch
a villain under a railway line or aquaduct.

Archeologist
principle scientist responsible for studying cellos

Archipelago
floating clumps of in a milky baked dessert, usually sago (tapioca) and rice.

Architecture
the art of building large boats.

Armageddon
A musical about the afterlife of the King

Aroma
Fragrant gypsy

the smell of cooking pizza

Aromatic
a machine for dispensing smells at defined intervals (c.f. Curry, sprouts)

Arsenal
when you've trying to do something that you have no idea of, and everybody else walks away, you've been thrown in......

Art
(any of the longer serving members shuddering?)
Wot the tin man woz afta.

an excuse for not making your bed OR a means of disposing of dead animals

Artichoke
A hold used in the widely regarded Tate Modern Wrestling Federation.

A genetically altered fish, modified to hinge in the middle.

Articulate
When a friend leaves you waiting for ages in the cold, without calling to say they aren't coming.

Asparagus
Someone who aspires to join the Mediterranean order of the Ragu.

Aspersion
the amount and concentration of snakes in a given area.

Aspirin
an attempt by someone from the U.K. Home Counties to say "aspiring"

Assorted
A collection of letters used to mark pies, neatly ordered by the flavour they stand for.

Asteroid
Drug to increase bulk.

Astronomical
the antonym of economical

Asylum
secure home for cracked Egons.

Atheist
A theist: Member of an orchestra playing the thest

Audit
The past participle of the verb 'to Audi', as in "He look rough, he must be audit."

August
Summer breeze

Auspicious
adj relating to when it one of two persons who is guilty of a crime, the other being totally innocent.

Authogenic
Make your own baby kit.

Autistic
facial twitching common to car enthusiasts

Autoclave
American automatic carwash

Autonomous
a vwhicle whose manufacturer is unknown

Avocado
Secondary occupation or hobby (Spanish)

Avogardro's
Comun Mispeling of Avocado's.

Awkward
(Like that awkward moment you come slinking back in to the fforum, after forgetting your password for months!)
Part of a field hospital in Lord of the Rings containing wounded enemies

Bacchanalian
rarely performed, sci-fi themed baroque music

Backlash
to return fire when somebody start a teatowel whipping war.
punishment issued to sailors before enlightened times meant that senior staff would pay to receive same.

Backside
(n) that which is last seen of a disappearing object or person or pie; (v) to impact another body whilst travelling in the opposite to a forward direction; or anagram of 'sick bead'

Badminton
Antonym for Goodminton

Baked Beans
The brown lumpy stuff Aunt Sue brings to picnics and other family functions. It is set next to the potato salad to accentuate the lovely yellow mustard color.

Baklava
Volcanic pumice stone used for back scrubbing in ancient times.

Balance
to have an attack of the Don Quixotes but fixated on a spherical object.

Balearic
expression of dislike brought on by a spherical object meeting an auditory organ

Balustrade
Holmesian exclamation of contempt at a certain Scotland Yard officer.

Banana
edible boomerang

Bananana
veto on tropical fruit

Bandwagon
receptical to remove lousy musicians

Banned
small yellow fruit, not yet ready for consumption

Bantam
The shortlived anti-reggae hat movement of the 1980's

Banter
lightweight, workplace teasing. Now banned due to occupational health & saftey legislation

Basilisk
Reminiscent of Faulty Towers

Basket
a specialized kit that lizards and cats use for basking in the sun. Usually contains a towel, sunblock, a @#$%& novel, a nice cool drink, and a pair of sunglasses.
Eeek! An unexpected side effect of the spammers is that the word meaning "not too pricey, and probably of poor quality" is apparently being replaced by "@#$%&"! In my above post, I did not mean a novel that should be cursed at, but rather the sort of novel one finds in airport bookstores.
I dunno. Airport novels quite often deserve expletives.
Frequently, yes, although I've also come across the occasional Fforde.

Bathe
Bowdlerised contraction of the Medieval oath, "By the sainted whiskers of our Lord and Saviour who suffered great personal discomfort for the benefit of many."
Possibly derived from laziness rather than propriety.

Bauble
the green relish served with popadoms in an Indian restaurant. It is usually accompanied by red relish (Bangle) and yellow relish (Bead).

Bazonka
Traditional Eastern European celebration that combines folk dancing with grenade launching.

Bead
a small seamingly useless historical fact.

The act of hanging on a wall promoting wondrous money wasting/saving offers

Bedlam
A place for retired purveyors of excellent sleeping apparatus.

Bedpals
a more intimate form of sleeping partners

Bee
<knows that word was used before, because I defined it>
A word that could use a course of WeightWatchers to lose all those unneccesary letters, as could tee, pea, and queue
@mycroftstwin
Close, but no cigar! I just tested the searching method I suggested above to delacuesta.
Quote: Pea - One of those words with too many extraneous letters, like queue, bee and tea
Despite the fact that I did indeed define it, I thought I'd at least try to be creative the second time round. So there.
<draws himself up haughtily>
<trips over his orange-striped bell-bottoms>
<watches his raccoon-skin hat fall off his head, and into a pit of scorpions>
<who immediately throw it out of the pit - even a pit of scorpions have taste>
<Aha! My corduroy bell-bottoms have tasteful lime green stripes, and don't quite cover the tips of my purple suede winkle-pickers, as is currently fashionably correct.>
<bell bottoms are so yesterday - appears wearing blue and maroon drain pipe trousers and patent leather Doc Martens>
"snap" .... I win.
<Purple suede winkle-pickers? Elvis would have had a fit if he'd had to have sung about them...>

Beige
The colour os sand in a cove.

Belicose
A knitted cover for keeping one's tummy warm.

Belly
ha'i may call you, any night, any day. Here am I your special island. Come away, come away.

Below
Something giants wish they could do.

Belt
An electrified grape.

Bemused
One of those Red Letter Day sort of gifts, where the present is to have Matthew Bellamy sing to you.

Bemusement
A carnival for members of order Hymenoptera.

Bench
when good music notes (b,e,c) go bad (n,h).

Benefit
The advantage to going to a fund raiser on someone else's dime.

Bereavement
Confused belief that you're really Superman.

Bereft
afloat in a sideless flat-bottomed boat.

Bespoke
obviously a bee formation used defensively when the hive is in danger

Beverage
When someone uses the promise of a refreshing drink to induce you to do something.

Bigamist
An unfavourable climatic condition, somewhere between a fog and a pea-souper.

Bigot
A large person with oat for brain.

Billiards
the back of very rich peoples houses.

Binder
to obstruct someone who has dropped an "H" and become a B. nuisance

Bipedal
a tandem

Blarney
a purple dinosaur that speaks complete drivel

Blatant
Descriptive term for Gallic infidelity.

Blemish
Flemish speaking Belgian

Blossom
Some flotsam that has been carefully madeover by a daytime television show.

Blur
An obsolete quantum unit (2 blur = 1 squirt)

Bogan
indefinable, but definitely not us.

Boiled
B-oiled: Slathered in honey

Boldness
a state of euphoria brought on by sniffing washing powder.

Bonsai
A New Zealander in France - Good (Bon) Aye!

Bonzai!
To charge recklessly while waving a small tree aloft.

Booger
an expletive used in parts of Lancashire and Yorkshire

Book
Three dimensional object containing concepts that will be butchered when translated into visual media.

Bookkeeper
a person engaged in the task of maintaining order in a library, the head keeper is often in charge of feeding time.

Boring
very much like a bullring but one fight lasts three weeks

Boss
a bus with an attiutude.

Boulevards
a collection of boule / bocce playing grounds organised into a long strip.

Bowdlerise
Formal greeting between men, appropriate for use in front of both women and children. Now largely unused.

Bracelet
Making avaliable for hire those long elastic things that are purported to hold your trousers up, yet seem to get used for just about any other purpose.

Braeburn
Handy vessel used to convey ashes of torched ladies underwear.

Bread
a half-baked Rock

Bread-box
an exciting sport in which two baked goods vie for the chance to knock each other out. If one fails to rise, the other is declared the winner.

Brewery
The state of being more like that stuff in a witch's cauldron than that guy over there.

Brickbat
Terracotta flying mammal found in low density environments. Is anathematic to BBC film crews and others seeking to portray the wonders of life and the wholeness of nature.
Can only be assumed to be pre-Adamic attempt by pre-Iron age god to produce a miracle

Brief
A thief who specialises in French cheeses.

Briefs
speeches not given by Fidel Castro

Broadband
Female musical groups.

Broke
(Nz.) A carbonated soft drink for the bro's.

Brother
the word you want to say after someone uses their grating pet name on you.

Brown
the color of a perfectly toasted marshmallow.
alt: the color you are looking for when the UPS man is supposed to be bringing your new toy but isn't here yet.

Brussels sprouts
A time traveler named Barry

Bud
a small village on the River Danube, which merged with the village on the opposite side of the river to become Vienna

Bunyip
A rather painful affliction that affects rabbits, caused by trying to emulate March Hares when not warmed up properly.

Buoy
not a guirl

Burrito
a very small pack animal

Cacomistle
Half a cat, the air to air version is very fast for two legs, especially when fed chocolate.

Cage
the act of begging for lost consonants (esp d's).

Calamity
the need for calamine lotion.

Calciferous
rusty Californians

Calculator
Crocodile of Indian origin

Calendar
Advert slogan for Endar's hire-an-elf phone service

Calligraphy
A mild desire to emulate the Roman Caligula.

Calliope
a telephone conversation conducted in doggerel

Calorie
A town full of fat people, somewhere in the Australian Outback.

Camera
The Chimera's more photogenic cousin.

Camouflage
a bit like the Emperor's New Clothes, only the other way around: a lot of fabric in brutally clashing colours, and you are supposed to say that you can't see them at all.

Camp
queer MP (Arn't they all?)

Canal
A metal preserving vessel that dwells on unnecessary detail no end.

Candlestick
A stick, the pointy end of which has a wick on.

Canine
9 bits of Calcium (tried to work that into a doggy bone, but brain said "give it up" so I did.)

Cantaloupe
a horses' training ring

Canvas
the effect of recycling a baked bean container into a flower holder

Capsicum
A hat used to train attack dogs.

Carabiner
a cordial made from carrots

Carbonated
telling how old something is by counting the bubbles

Carriage
a form of dancing to music using synchronised chariots - a distant cousin to dressage.

Carrier
a receptacle of stupidity.

Casserole
The part played in a movie by a small stew.

Cassoulet
renting an apartment to one of the Mamas and Papas

Cassowary
a french bean stew which has been left in the kitchen, unrefrigeted for 10 days.

Castle
The French version of "Who can solve a problem like Maria?"

Castrati
the layers in a member of "The Mamas & The Papas

Catalyst
A cat lover with a permanent lean to the right.

Cauliflower
<takes the sprout pies gratefully from SkidMarks>
<eats the ones not marked S>
<is startled by loud polytonal drone, not what was expected from chewing>
The Jamaican form of crushed and ground wheat, mon.

Causal
The rough in-between bit when a choir hasn't got it quite right.

Cavort
from German "das K-Wort" (the K-word). Unfortunately I can't think of a sufficiently rude word in German that K might stand for.

Celestial
like an impoverished reality tv "star"

Cello
A very wobbly room, to which a prisoner is confined

Cellophane
noun, U.S. origin, clear plastic wrapper for a mobile phone

Censor
The official if disused title for a gentleman in full control of his senses (Autonym: Incensor)

Chalice
a Cuban woodlouse

Challenge
The less well known earlier version of Stonehenge, build in the side of a steep hill.

Champers
the slips and Wicketkeeper in a game of French cricket.

Chaotic
Cha-otic - the ability to hear someone else trying to sneak in an extra cup of tea, without offering to make you one.
a person afflicted with the annoying habit of punctuating their conversations with Cuban dance steps and the exclamation "cha cha cha!" See also: St. Vitus' Dance; Tangent.

Charabanc
where Mickey took out a loan so he and Minnie could buy a house.
Ah! memories of The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band! although this is earlier (1933)(Harry leader)

a place to deposit charas for almost no interest, but then when has there been that much interest in the chara?

Character
a root vegetable of German origin

Chartreuse
To singe a pair of tartan trousers.
a comedic ploy involving the alteration of the colours on a map.

Chastity
HRH's boobs.

Cheese
The brother of John Cleese

Chestnut
not really a leg man.

Cheyenne
letter of the alphabet which is hardly ever heard.
Just read the bit where Cheyane get s a mention:
Back in the late 1950s there was a rating by television program titles for the female of the species and the number of pairs of knickers they wore at the same time:
I recall:
6 pairs:The Untouchables
3 pairs: Cheyanne
0 pairs: the Naked City or Bonanza
Is it possible to create such a rating these days. I ask as a matter of examining if 1950s values can be applicable in the 20101s.

Childhood
a sack used to hide the little darlings

Chimney sweeper
the official mourner at smokestack demolitions

Chocolate
the process by which various types of chalk are collected together in an orderly fashion.

Do not attempt to define the chocolate. Send all the chocolate to me.
(as you were)
OK, so maybe, uhm.
(Put those Sharp Claws away! Let me finish!!! Ow!)

Chocolates
persons crammed full of tardiness

Cinema
Seeing an old maid.

Cinematography
a posh name used only by by people without a knowledge of English, but owning a translating dictionary for "making moving pictures" (trans: making movies for U.S. and similar regions)

Circuit
a cute way of bypassing a glitch, ie: short circuit

Circumlocution
a religious observance whereby the tip of the tongue is cut off.

Clandestine
The pre-determined fate of a large family.

The American spelling of a little town in North Wales that is difficult to find, owing to the long names of all the nearby little towns covering up the map so it can't be read (except by the Welsh).

Clarity
That state of being in which all answers come to you, two minutes after it's too late to say anything.

Cliff Richards
The kind of music that would make you want to jump off a cliff...
(Gets fixed with murderous stares by a thousand Cliff fans)
(starts singing Summer Holiday in the style of death metal, by way of apology

Clockwork
Device you need on your way to insanity

Clog
A flock of soggy sheep.

Clues
The musical form that came directly after the blues,

Clumps
A group of chumps with large, heavy feet.

Coaliton
(for UK Fforumites, remember the age range here, so please, no profanities!)
Do you mean coalition?
a group of anthracites away from home and having a good time.

Cockney
A formerly cocky person who's just been indisposed in the knee area.

Cocoa
chocolate before it grows up

Coffee
An extremely painful (if illiterate) method of clearing the throat which results in the sufferer screaming.

Vile.

Coherent
money owed to the music industry if two people listen to the same piece of recorded music.

Colander
A dirigible specially designed for use over wet marshy landscapes.

Colon
The name given to high-quality sausage skin discovered simultaneous in Copenhagen and London.

Colonel
A military nut

Colour
One who is paid to reduce animal numbers.

Combustion
the flamable effects of poor farm machinery maintenance.

Commendable
The period of social chit-chat at the end of a telephone call where each speaker has exchanged all important news.

Commode
a piece of furniture, designed in the early 1980s to accomodate Commodore home computers

Communicate
something people did before Facebook, Beebo, Twitter et al meant that after broad and narrow casting trivia there was no longer any time left.

Communication
The act of inducting your pet moggy into the Catholic faith.

Communist
one who writes, with, an, excess, of, c,o,m,m,a's

Compassion
"No, I'm not lost. I know exactly where we're going. OK, so this may not have been the quickest way, but I've worked out where we are. There's no need to ask for directions, just follow me for a little longer. PUT THAT AWAY! We don't need those tools here...I already told you I know what I'm doing!"

Complimentary
Nourishing, but remarks about its foul taste are unavoidable

From “Compile” and “Mental” so complimentary means to asses how mad someone is. E.g. “I showed Professor Creighton my invention for removing butter from hedges & he was very complimentary.

Composed
a person who has a sign "I aint dead"

Compression
A fleeting moment of compassion.

Concentration
a very focussed Greek.

Concrete
a criminal from an island in the Mediterranean Sea.

Condiment
Multistorey accomodation for tree people (ents)

Condominium
requirement to wear aforementioned french letter.

Conducive
being in a position or state in which one can be more easily misled or scammed.

Confined
A tree, of any genus bearing cones, in a very small space.

Conflagration
Burning a whole heap of national flags.

Conglomerate
Greek multi-national company

Consideration
following objective evaluation the situation is found to be more heavily weighted on the con side than the pro.

Consignment
A forged signature

Constabulary
Defie: constabulary ...
<laughing at the Ffreudian slip>
… Constantly being tangled in one's own vocabulary, thereby confusing everyone within hearing distance.

Consumerism
A religious movement stemming from China that has grown to be the most popular religion in the world since mid 1980.

Consumption
a wasting disease caused by Westerners using too much of thwe planet's resources.

Contempt
a trap laid for a Greek fruiterer

Continental
greek with good bladder control

Contraction
contrary reaction, as in pushing when asked to pull.

Convenient
Prison toilet block

Conversation


Conviction
A convention of ex-jailbirds.

Convoluted
an imprecise way of stating the obvious without actually saying anything useful, while wasting a lot of people's time and resources and patience, spending much of that time posing and dropping names and generally showing off, when all anyone wanted was clear directions to the ladies restroom.

Cookies
bikkies with a US accent.
bombs that will give you a blast

Coppermouth
a potty-mouthed policeman

Coriander
topping best avoided at the dinner table

Corpulent
the act of slimming down an army at easter time.

Corroborate
how to grade the success of a shin-dig.

Cosmopolitan
a russian astronaut now living in the city

Cosmos
the plural of Cosmo, The fairly accurate knife-thrower and hence a number of dangers to life and limb

<coughs politely>
Coff Spolitely: The process of coffication with all due respect being paid to the ponge gods.

Counter
a person who enumerates the number of service stations in a shop that could be used in a game of Ludo (other games are available)

Couplet
Loud and bloody overthrowings of governments, avaliable for hire at competitive rates!

Cow
That which one should not have, man.

Coy
A Mephistophelian mode of behaviour intended to avoid the payment of dinner date bills.

Crabby
Lucy van Pelt

Cram
dried breakfast cereal eaten by the handful by students working at night

Cranium
Greek bird, notable for its highly developed intellect

Creative
Chemical added to food in order to make it taste like the smell of treated wooden fence panels.

Credit
(bankers and politicians are disqualified from making definitions)
A Japanese crouton made from seaweed and rice crumbs.

Crescent
The way the moon smells.

Crime
The irritating habit that chromium has of talking about itself in the the third person.

Crisps
The offspring of a male Cricket & a female Wasp. (See also; Wackets, Snugs & Ladyhoppers)

Crochet
textile form of generic backwoodsy hero type.

Crocodile
a company that you can phone up and hire plates and bowls from.

Crumble
(I'm baking a cheesecake type thing, so it is on my mind)
the fight (rumble) that erupts over the last tiny bits of chocolate (crumbs) of the last bar in the house.

Crusader
Champagne flavoured energy drink, marketed at Patsy and Eddie wannabees.
(OK, now I have to ask who Patsy and Eddie are. Please, do tell?)
See Absolutely Fabulous for details
(Sorry I thought that everyone knew AbFab - just goes to prove what people say about assumptions

Cryogenic
What tragic heroines learn on day one- weeping prettily in ways that wont cause mascara to run.

Crystalline
Telephone support for Country & Western singers.

Cube
A sweet but squarish sort of person from latin America.

Cucumber
The a shorter truncheon used by Latvian police (also the name of an accessory worn by one of the Spinal Tap band members).

Cumbria
the contents of the big drawer under the sink - you know the one, it's still got half a dozen bottle openers, the whisk thing with the missing handle and that not quite rusty metal thing with the bits on it that do that thing with the other stuff.

Cunning
verb present tense: to cun, so 'cunning' is to cun.
cun' is a corrupt version of the old highland gaelic word 'ken' which is 'to know' (regardless of epistemological certainty) which means that whatever ken knows barbie will object to it, so 'cunning' becomes making a statement that your female associate will contradict
It is a sort of marital double talk

Cupid
A game of pool played by 2 people with no common language. The game ends when one player hits the other player over the head with the cue stick. (This one was a stretch, so I'll say "pidgin".)

Curvaceous
a type of plant characterised by arcing stems, and rounded leaves, possessing little to no pith; the primary food of a curvivore

Custard
a string of invective directed at late people.

Cutter
A kitchen implement used to remove the l's from recalcitrant cultists.

Cyclops
A one-eyed Clydesdale.

Cynical bastard
an optimist who has seen the error of his ways

Cystitis
The recurrence of pineapple shaped growths. links to upside-down-cake eating currently being researched.

Darling
a small dalek

Debonair
(from: de-Bonaire): 20th/21st Century process of getting rid of one's last colonies. "The Dutch Caribic debonair will take several decades to complete". Can also be used as a verb. "Let's debonair more quickly".

Decade
a measure of time of 11 years.

Decaffeinated
the state of a net surfer ejected from a cafe for not buying enough coffee.

Decapod
a headless od

Dedicate
past tense for deceased Katherine

Defenestration
straight line directions to the 'fen'

Define
De thing that is not decourse.

When the weather is lovely and sunny as opposed to depoor, when it is not

(depending on the answer, this could change the game completely!)
From the German: Def Ine or deaf one, for those who get run down because they don't hear the car comming.

see: recursion.

Tool used extensively in iphoto for making vain old people look younger.

Define:devine
fecal matter disposal system

Definitive
The prefect shark attack.

Deicide
the act of killing a god.

Deity
a ditty that lasts for 24 hours

Deliberate
the description of an accident for which one wishes to take credit

Demolish
looking like de mole. (Chemically unspecified)

Denial
Denial: Anything the Romans did once every 500 years.
<D-enial! Loved it.>
<I was actually hoping for Denial=African river, but geg's answer is definitely more inventive>

Denote
De note: de thing you leave on de counter to let de family know where de heck you went when de gang invites you out for ice cream. Or beer. Whatever.

Dentures
Music first played when hiding in your own room. Similarly divorce music is known as over-tures.

Deplorable
an anagram of balled rope. Deplorable because everybody knows that rope should be coiled.

Dermatologist
Dermat O'Logist: Irish tree surgeon.

Descant
verb, transitive, to drink directly from a musician's de(s)canter.

DeSert
de Sert: A painting by the Spanish painter Sert usually of sand and custard.

Destiny
da tinny I'm drinking outta. Youse c'n 'ave dat tinny

Detail
de thing on de end of de lion.

Detergent
A technique for keeping a male from entering any particular room in the house. e.g., "Honey, would you do the laundry?" will ensure the laundry room remains male-free for at least 24 hours.

Detritus
Roman Goddess of granulated rock. Frequently at war with the Dyson the God of Domesticity.
(I'm glad you did not ask for definition of domesticity, as I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about there...)

Device
verb. To find an honourable job for a lady of negotiable affection.

Dexterity
The art of looking like Dexter. This is always difficult, as Dexter has many faces.

Diagnosis
The state of being mesmerized by a set of diagonal lines going across one's computer screen.

An unhealthily sexual interest in diagonals ( see The collected wishful thinks of the great philosophers pp one to six hundred)

Diamond
It is a double-headed almond. The name comes from the same root as diatom.

Diaphragm
to change the color of one's baby carriage.

Diary
a rare form of truth

Dickite
a supporter of Richard Nixon (The supporter is usually made from clay and has a note inside his head.)

Didcott
without mentioning Chad
Didcott - A small child who one slept in a cradle, but now, sadly, is too big.

Digital
corruption of "dig-it-tall", celebratory phrase used by Gravitube construction workers who have passed the earth's centre.

Dime
An example of an old-fashioned flammy, obsolete after steam power.

Dimension
A matched pair of mensions

Directions
a subset of instructions which are usually wrong or at least misleading. By law the only way to show that the given directions are incorrect or incomplete is to finish with the expression "You can't miss it."

Directory
Alphabetical list of the worst ecclesiastical housing. Published annually and believed to have been originally compiled in 728 by the Venerable Bede.

Disambiguate
to speak of ambiguate in derogatory terms

Discotheque
a place for storing lurid clothes, frizzy hair and The Bee Gees
(I will be killed for that by mrs. SkidMarks)

Disdain
To register subtle contempt for somebody from Denmark by the careful use poor spelling. An appalling practice, shortly to be banned by the EU.

Disease
The opposite of dat ease

Disney
a Grimm subject that has been sweetened by vast amounts of saccharin

Disparate
not that colourful, talking, tropical bird.

Disputant
from the Italian 'Putana', thus "a person who has ceased belonging to the world's oldest profession".

Dissertation
talking about dessert.

abandoning essays till the last possible minute.

Distich
the act of uncoupling a linked pair.

Distracted
having your tractor taken away.

Divination
separating a country into its constituent parts using only a couple of sticks

Doctor
Doctor Who?

Doctorate
the amount charged to get BBC worldwide DVDs shipped.

Dodo
an animal which encourages you to act, not try. Now extinct.

Doggerel
Descriptive poem relating to the fishing forecast

Doggy
ineffectively tricky or evasive, see Del Trotter (Del-boy), not to be confused with a Plonker.

Dogmatic
Name of an elliptical trainer for pets with overweight. Banned in most countries for the high rate of casualties.

Doldrums
When they're worn out, you get d'newdrums.

Dollar
the number of units of local currency required to purchase a Barbie - used to assess the cost of childrens christmas presents in a variety of countries. I spent five hundred dollars on the kids. Similar in concept to the BigMac Index.
<wow that was hardly concise>

Donate
To generously share that late night kebab with local residents by leaving a foul smelling puddle on the pavement.

Doom
The less successful interplanetary sister planet of Dune that had all the worms, but none of the spice and eventually just gave up and turned itself into the universe's largest multistory rocket park.

Doughty
A medieval bakery.
an edible item of golfing equipment

Drink
D rink ...the act of turning a large sheet of ice into a boulevard again.

Dubious
coming from Dubai (also used in the sense of "oily")

Dunked
to be renounced by one's niece or nephew, if you are a male; if female, the verb is "daunted."

Dwelling
Elmer Fudd using a tool to bore a hole in wood.

Dyslexia
How do we know if it is really spelt like that?
dyslexia --> laid sexy --> xy ladies
that' is T - H - A - T and is pronounced 'DIFFERENTLY' which just goes to show that there is no logic to English pronunciation.
I thought skids was implying that dyslexia was a variey of wheat.

Earthy
something to do with Kitty

Echo
Define: Echo
define cho
Cho: A chopped cho

Eclipse
When you put make-up on in the car and makes your co-workers run screaming.

Ecological
a study of the conduciveness of an area to reverberations

Economy (economically)
shaky

Eczema
A Slovak eggnog.

Effulgent
a male elephant-spotter, whos love of animals shines through his anorak.

Effusive
almost like an e-fuse. An e-fuse is quite useful for setting off e-mail bombs.

Egg
something that causes geg deep embarrassment when it can't be boiled.

Eggnog
How ES signs his first name after too many of dem tinnies.

Egotist
A collector of electronic goats.

Egret
The affectionate greeting of the Barnsley Garbo fan club.

Elastic
internet lastic

Element
Handy breath freshener for pachyderms.

Elementary
the path from mouth to anus, usually coloured yellow.

Elongate
a cross between a dugong and a haddock that lives in the trees of the Gobi desert and eats only lefthanded teal ducks after midnight.

Elongated
a cross between a dugong and a haddock that lives in the trees of the Gobi desert and eats only lefthanded teal ducks after midnight in the past tense.

Elucidate
a romantic interlude designed to clarify each partners suitability

Elven
"Morning tea" with tipple

Embarrass
To draw someone into a steel bar lined cookie shop.

Emergency
Place of residence of a male representative of a certain class of eastern rulers.
(edited to clarify the decomposition of Emergency: Amir-gent-see)

the unexpected appearance of a toe from foot covering legwear

Emitted
left out of an email.

Encompasses
The 14th entry in a Maths equipment list - a) protractor, b) log tables, c) graph paper...

Endocrine
the termination of the timeline originating at startocrine

Engine
a posh version of a native American

English
the opposite of the vernacular "Dee-lish" also see British Cuisine

Entertainers
Those areas between the outer and inner doors of some jewellery shops, where you have to wait for the staff to let you in.

Entity
The mammarian glands of an en.
(please shower me with cinder blocks if that's in bad taste

Enunciating
the process by which prospective Catholic sisters take holy orders online.

Enunciation
A group set up to advocate for nuns,online.

Epaulettes
Epilepsy for babies

Equation
the act of determining the line of 0 deg N

Equine
An alcoholic distillation of eqs.

Erotic
the nervous twitches leading eventually to total disintegration experienced by exceptionally debauched followers of the cult of eros*
*definition courtesy of the rather tardy Mrs Whitehouse

Errant
latest speech / blog from someone who won't shut up about how the show went downhill after George Clooney left

Error
a noise emitted by a lion by mistake

Erstwhile
A small German guard dog, known for it's ability to travel backward in time.

Erudite
(without reference to former PMs of Oz)
<Erudite? Australian? Politician? Methinks you've been eating too much bunyip, Bunyip>
<This from a Kiwi>
A rare mineral, extracted only from dictionaries,thesaurii, and Stephen Fry books.

Erudition
the reddish glow that encompasses a person when they realise that there is a gap in the education

Etenity
Having the "r's" drop out of your life forever.

Etymology
The study of how electronic time measurement moves out of phase with perceived time:

Eucalyptus
The name given to a small three stringed instrument vaguely resembling a three-quarter size ukelele played in aquatic situations.
Or: Eucalyptus: Cephalopod of order Octopoda being very good at mathematics and geometry.

Europe
thick string or ties that bond disparate parts together.

Evaluation
A list of the number of e numbers used in the manufacture of kitten food.( an explanation for distant friends. It's a european thing)

Everything
a superset of something.

Examination
Used to be a badly spelt cartoon.

Exasperate
The current on-line price for dead snakes.

Excelsior
a lethal alcoholic beverage made from extraterrestrial herbs.

Exception
The one thing in a list that's not quite exceptional...

Excess
a dwelling that has been upgraded to use the latest waste disposal methods.

Exemplary
ex' out of, 'emplary' a large mauve animal which befriends dikdiks and yet dislikes other members of the antelope family. Not noted for its strength of moral fibre as it tends to gossip about its friends and their activities.

Exigeant
the way out of the men's room.

Existence
Commonly misattributed subject of Hamlet's soliloqui "to be or not to be, that is the question".

Exothermic
The process by which the sun burns skin. <sighs at thought of horrible hot summer approaching>

Expectorate
academic term for a candidate having finished the work on his thesis and waiting for it being graded

Explorer
someone who expresses their lament loudly and with large gestures

Explosion
very rapid form of erosion

Exposure
Former male-model

Expression
recently disbanded Ironing Union.

Extortion
the discovery of the remains of a dessert pie consumed clandestinely.

Extrapolate
The art of pole dancing with more than one pole.

Extreme
a river during drought

Face
Something it's hard to do to every working day

Fairy tale
Beer for ferrets.

Faithful
Mr T's daughter.

Falsetto
a synthetic or plastic etto

Family
in Mob parlance, the people you can rely upon to help keep your criminal career going, but whom occasionally you have to whack, if for no other reason than someone misplaced your favourite ballpoint pen.....

Fan
a term for someone who is halfway to becoming a 'nutter'

only mildly fantastic.

Fanatic
Hole in roof caused by particularly windy day.

Fantasy
Looking at the world through an orange soft drink.

Fashion
Obscure branch of nuclear physics which attempts to pinpoint the exact moment when orange is either in or out.

Fatoompsh
The sound made when a morbidly obese person falls over.

Fatuous
the comment that led Mr Ous to create the eponymous diet.

Feather
the weight of a skinny boxer

Feline
The female version of a criminal known for stealing carnivorous sheep.

in chemistry and geology - a streak of iron, not to be confused with domestic activity when the steam iron goes 'phttt' all over your nealy ironed pleated shirt.

Feud
Abridged history of modern psychology.

Fez
Magicians' hat.

Fido
A dog that howls in an introspective and sullen manner, and has said howls sampled by obnoxious white rappers.

Fiend
a typographical error version of friend ie one who knows all your weaknesses and can goad you to within an inch of their life.

Filament
A temporary filling used by dentists on people with compulsive menthol behaviour.

Financial
applauding Christchurch International Airport Ltd for being the first airport company in the Southern hemisphere to achieve carbon neutral certification

Finder's fee
half of the speach by a giant searching for an Englishman

Finger
a part of the body frequently donated to someone you do not like. (Hence the phrase "to give someone the finger".

Firehose
Legwear for firemen (possibly this: [www.bodega.se] )

Flamboyant
What small children do in the garden, with a magnifying glass, on a sunny day.

Flammable
A flamm who can, as opposed to flammunable, who can't.

Flannel
to punch a pudding until it is flat (not to be confused with nailing it to a wall)

Fluff
A medieval pixie that originated the use of tapioca.

Flump
The crankiness that accompanies influenza.

Flyswatter
Name of airline dealing with infernos

Focussed
From the phrase 'faux cursed', a curse thrown with little enthusiasm or belief behind it.

Foliage
Little known Swedish form of origami.

Fool
person who strays in to the fforum and doesn't appreciate the brilliant wit and sparkling repartee contained therein.

a Chris Moore book not about vampires

Football
proturberance between arch of foot and big toe on the underside of the foot.

Forest
where one goes after watching the news.

Forgery
Pretending to be a blacksmith for financial gain - not actually illeagle, but very poor form.

Forgetfulness
A surplus of meringue.

Forlorn
<Forlornly sulks over lack of sumptuous words to imbibe with new meaning>
Grassy area in front of house

Form
Question being posed by Snow White as she was biting into the poisoned apple.

Formaldehyde
a fur coat to be worn to the Opera

Formic
,with love xxx.

Forthcoming
(neatly avoiding any references to post post Armageddon returns and adult topics) counterfeit Chinese relics produced by Forthco Inc. to sell to gullible tourists

Forthright
the bits left after the first child inherits all the property, the second all the money and the third all the furniture and fittings.

Fortify
To take stock after the fourth tiff.

Fossil
The war cry of ancient barbarian hordes as they emerged from their communal retirement camps.

me (as BOF is an acronym, not a word)

Fragrant
pheromone from obscene version of ant as it can dance.

Freckle
a French heckle in the sense of a french letter.

Frisbee
a small honey-producing insect which is having a bad hair day

Frosty
Adjective for formerly cheery but now annoying Christmas songs.

Frugal
An economical brass instrument.

Fruiterer
Even more fruity than a Fruiter.

Fumble
a cack-handed version of a thimble

Furniture
Adjective, relates to Olde English textile manufacture from skins and wool.
(1) lounge suites made with natural hide coverings
(2) Elton John's nickname for his partner cf 'Er-Indoors

Furry friend
what a woman calls her favourite...........toy

Gala
French expression of choaking rage.

Games
the point of human existence

Gammon
The call at the start of a darts game.

incomprehensible conversation

Gander
- and OB, you should, sometime. Never is an awfully long time.
But I did!!!! I took a gander at what the goose was doing and it was utterly repulsive. How could it bend it's neck so far under. UUUGHH'
To be more enlightened and at peace than Ghandi

Gargantuan
An obscure chimera created from Medusa's snakes and a tucan

Garland
verb: to sing about the surface one is walking on, e.g. "Oh how I love this sidewalk, so straight and smooth and grey, Oh how I love its concrete, that I walk on every day…"

Garment
very poor enunciation of 'come and get it'

Gawp
the sound a blue whale makes just after ingesting a nuclear submarine.

Gelignite
verb to set fir to someone's hair product

Generously
be more than forthcoming in sharing their genes with others.

Genre
A fuel-powered device for making electricity, only half-working.

Genus
An illiterate genius

Geography
Geo. Graphy - (1) abstract representation of a set of objects, illustrated with images of the current Queen's father.
(2) bit of the world that used to be coloured red

Geranium
metallic element found mainly in flowers

Gestimate
a close friend staying at your home.

Girdle
a small Standard Information Retrieval unit

Gizmo
illiterate asking for extra.

Glamour
the hour of the day in which one dresses as a glam-rocker

Glands
A salamander gallon

Glazed
the state of being dazed and woozy after having just smashed into a glass window. Often accompanied by stars or little chirping birdies swirling around one's head.

Global
A shining orb

Globalisation
The act of sorting lies into globby piles.

Globe
Incandescent anthophila
<geg - my incandescent globes would feed on moths rather than flowers.>

Glucose
corrupt form of Eskimo word meaning 'comfortable dwelling', as in 'iGLOO COSEy'.

Revised brand name of a knitted cover for an Eskimo's Home (after Apple threatened to sue).

Gluttony
A European overproduction of Anthony, Antonio, and other assorted tonys

Goblin
A tiny amount of inappropriately placed spittle.

Goggles
The Goggles: TV series Gog and Magog played in together before their row with Alexander ultimately led to them persuing separate careers.

Golden
A nickel-plated tricycle.

Golden goose
the term assign to a cricketer suffering two golden duck in on test

Golem
There was once a large Jewish football player (Maydov Klay) with the Prague All-Stars and this was what he invariably did with the soccer balls whenever they were passed to him.

Gossip
The result of running gloss paint through a 'l' removing machine.

an attempt to take a small mouthful from a firehose.

Gourmet
pig with taste

Grading
the noise a silver bell makes

Grammar
another old boiler

Granny
A senior citizen that's somewhat blurry and lumpy.

Granola
Fundamentalist nouveau riche (from: Gran'dollar, by proxy of ayatolla)

Grass
text speak for a somewhat sexist positive comment on a woman's derriere.

Gratify
To enhance a Monty Python dish of strawberry tart by the addition of grated rat. Rather less popular than one would imagine. (cf "au gratin ")

Gravity
A dark, heavy sauce made with meat juices

Grey
a monochromatic beam or ray of light.

Grid
something that can be done to lions. Hence "Grid your lions."

Grizzly
the unfortunate incident in said bear enclosure.

Grylls
That funny heating up thing in the uven.

Guacamole
60200000000000000000000 avocados.

small South American banana republic unfortunately bereft of bananas.

Guest
Past participle of an old english word defining trying to rememember who you invited to the party

Guitar
one of the symptoms of the common cold. It can either be discharged when the sufferer sneezes, causing a loud noise (acoustic guitar) or cause a blokage which shocks the victim when ge or she finds that breathing is almost impossible (electric guitar).
There is also the pedal steel guitar, which some people think is another form of guitar, but it's snot.

Gulch
A native of Nevada with no resemblance to George Clooney.

Gullible
large male bovine creature who lives at the bottom of a ravine.

Haberdashery
Rendering external walls with buttons etc.

Haddock
The state of my back lawn after weeding.
<I once pulled up a dock plant with my bare hands - not bad when you consider that the whole world was hanging on to the root.>
<is reminded of the wonderful Haddock wordplays in Hergé's Tintin albums; unfortunately doesn't know them in English>
<points out to MistyCat that in their part of the world, it is the root hanging to the globe rather that the other way round, them being upside down>

Hadron
Common anagram of norhad, now used to describe anagrams used more commonly than the proper word.

Haemoglobin
latin translates roughly to iron-clad orc

Hairspray
A rabbit meditative chant, intended to improve stiffness of ear and inner harmony.

A very durable insulation, abandoned after a short time for no apparent reason. (Does anyone smell some really stinky smoke?) Alt. def.: ICKY (I like that word. Covers a lot of territory.) <smile>

Half-baked
A softly panicked student.

Hammer
late neo-gothic term for a future imperative: example: hammer goin to the pub tonight'.
Not to be confused with 'hamer' which is a deceased politician of the right who had a concert hall named after him. I still haven't worked out why.
(The Hamer Hall is a maze of a place, I last went there for a very big function and completely got lost on the way to the stage)
Seems that he designed it as well
Who else but a politician could get a tesseract in 3 dimensions
?Do you think that you are still in the same universe?

Handle
What Mr Solo uses to take the shine off his nose.

Hangover
without reference to my waistline
a severe punishment for a cricketer who fails to score after 6 balls (8 in Australia)

Dr Han Gover famous naturalist who discovered the prairie oyster.

Hannover
That from which a dyslexic person suffers after a night of heavy drinking.

Hanny's Voorwerp
Spiffy astronomical discovery and soon-to-be comic book? (Really, I don't know any better definition than that!)

Happy
<Does little dance after finally handing in end of year report. Freedom!>
Happy: strange psychological phenomenon often seen in cities between 4pm and 6pm

more hap than one would be if only 'happish', but not quite fully hap.

Harrogate
Japanese greeting to entry barrier.

Headed
an agressiv kind of dandruff

Hearing
a malinged herring

Heathen
The boat, she's pitchin' and heathen, Captain - I warned about the dangers of not havin' 'er blessed before you launched 'er!"

Helmet
modern contraction of helmette. A child yatch steering person, used to save weight.

Hem
<waiting for Violetmoon to finish clearing of throat and to announce the word to be defined>
<realising this was announcement of word>
A sound reminiscent of the clearing of one's throat, made e.g. to make others aware of one's presence.

Henceforth
A concluding interjection which usually follows an explanation of one's ranking in a competition, as in: "I didn't win the International Arboreal Llama-Shearing Competition because Jack, Mary, and Arnold did better than me; henceforth."

Heroes
An ecclesiatical term for the "spiritual" love/affection felt by clergymen for the One they worship.

Hiccough
A very high-pitched cough, one semitone above high B.

Hippy
having a figure such as is commonly described as being ideal for childbearing.

Hirsute
what a woman executive wears

Hit
Hi-T: a quick, but substantial snack taken at in the late afternoon.

Hockey
when you are so poor the only thing you have left to take to cash converters is the keys.

Holly
my real name, and I'm not definite I can be defined definitively.

Home
the pet name use by Mycroft for his brother.

Honeybee
positive identification of sweet sticky substance.

Honeybun
A short-lived hairstyle which went out of favour after an unfortunate incident in a bear enclosure at a zoo.

Honorable
A title awarded many politicians to acknowledge that after much study and training they are at last able to understand the alien and unfamiliar concept of honour, without actually exhibiting any of its symptoms.

Hooker
a bundle of curves that men eagerly grab to get satisfaction.

Horizon
something that's not on the up and up.

Hormone
the first horm.

Horseshoe
the @#$%& and nasty first course in a sole-food banquet.

Hot Chocolate
(ow ow ow)
hot chocolate: what remains in BKs claws while she is eating the contents of her other paws, apart from Jonny Depp (and maybe even that, I don't know.)

Hot*
It's supposed to be 43C here today, was 41c yesterday.
PS: some time ago it was claimed that NZ was at the bottom of the world. This is not so, for if yo consider the globe you see all the land at the other end of the world, and all the water down our end. Dirt sinks in water, so it must follow that all the dirt in the 'northern; hemisphere has sunk, so Antartica must therefore be at the top of the world.
If anyone disagrees then don't bother to tell me, I just live here.
Dirt sinks, but water drains..............
But that means that Tasmania is above everyone else!
Hot (acronym): Heat Optimization Technique

Hovis
A small boat, originally designed by Crankis of Hove.

Humungous
A variant of goose, reputed to have intelligent and capable of passing itself off as a person by the use of clever cloth disguise.

Hyperbole
mathematical function like square root in a tree diagram
You have a square root, then a hyperbole, then mobius leaves.

beyond superbole

Hyperbolic
what £$%&>?<>?&* uses to %%%%%%% *&!! and make ??<$%€%%^&!
PLEASE NOTE :only the pure in heart will be able to read the above without it being overwritten with non-alpha characters

Hyperventilate
to open too many windows thus making the room a through way for drafts.

Id
a pronoun only used by people with head colds

Idea
a woodland creature that has one eye an Idea
If it has lost its eye its a no idea

Igneous
likely to aid combustion, Careful with those matches they are very igneous

Ignition
What happens when you meet a person, where you feel as though you have known them for many years, despite having only just met them.

Ignorant
an ant that just doesn't get it....

Illeagle
Illegal: (adj) of someone with strong opinions against equal rights
(with geg's alternative spelling, it was tempting to write about the poor health of large birds of prey, but I resisted...)

Imbibe
African bird of paradise

Immediately
To be in the flurry of a media frenzie (a la Sam Newman).

Immelmann
a camp German shop assistant who is facing the other way before you know it.

Impediment
Verb. To disguise a cactus using a large sombrero and pipe.

(geol) a device for digging out samples that will eventually be completely useless for the project for which they were acquired.

the way your shoes slightly stick and make a quiet 'tick' noise after you've trodden into an old chewing gum on the sidewalk

Impoverished
a small goblin like creature sitting on the roof of a garden storage building.

Inadvertant
<wanders in with bunyip's word from the game thread in tow and nails it to the ground with a large hammer>
<wonders if it maybe got a bit flat from the hammering, and if beeing pierced by a nail may change its meaning>
accidentally misspelled self-reference.

Inappropriate
internalised by a priater who does it for money.

Inaugural
adjective, in a hole made by an auger

Incineration
a packet of peanuts purchased just before the Star Wars triple feature night starts

Include
Being engrossed in a board game.

Income
Past tense of "broke".

Indebited
addicted to listening to unsigned bands.

Indecent
the process of counting-down from 100

Indefatigable
1) a state of being able to be 'indefat' which is an obese Japanese cartoon state;
2) a male bovine of extraordinary enduranc

Index
An "Adult" Indie Film.

Indigo
To wax individually on the venerable game of go.

Indistinct
Abbreviated version of indie stinked; an adjective relating to people who becomes smelly regardless of what they have or have not been doing.

Indulgant
cockney term for a Hindu gentlement

Industry
A new and spectacular house cleaning tool, the industry removes all dust everywhere in your house, compacts it to a highly noxious cube and automatically transports it to a nearby zone of natural beauty for disposal. Guaranteed no breakdowns within two weeks of purchase. Get yours today!

Ineluctable
A rare concept formica table from the now defunct Inel furniture chain.

Ineradicablely
a radish with trimmings

Inevitable
in evita ble: the act of performing as an Argentinian power mad senora in an English musical.

Infographic
an image that's disturbing to view, yet strangely educational......

Informant
a relative of the termite, albeit an intelligent one

Inglenook
An Orangutan christmas carol.

Injury
to be empanelled (which is quite painful if they don't use enough lubricant)

Insistence
When your family goes camping, the girls get separate tents, and you as a guy are dying to know what's in there, so when nobody's around you go -

Institution
Instant intuition, instructing one to run far, far away.

Instruction
Getting embroiled in rioting in the streets.

Insulation
protection for an island

Intelligence
Male employees of the chip maker Intel

Intent
living in a canvas dwelling, because you're set on showing the world that housing is the efforts of a facist dictatorship warping our minds into mindless automatons!

Intentional
an adjective which can only be applied to something used under canvas.

Interest
supposedly a fixed rate of return on money invested, but then when has there ever been that much interest in interest?

Invariable
housework

Invective
where the adjective stays on the surface of things, the invective goes deeper

Irish
a state of mind which exhibits all the signs of happiness despite the economy,

Irrelevant
damaged by exposure to a dangerous level of relevance

A heffalump with poor self esteem.

Irresponsible
The specialist manufacturer of Iridium spoons.

Jarrow
a row of jars in the narthex

Jaunty
A shanty with jaundice.

Jealousy
Jelly with added protein

Jelly
far eastern word for a german soldier

Jeroboam
Automated Jam.

Jersey
One who becomes very anxious under examination conditions. See: Sweater.

Jigsaw
a little-known Gaelic dance involving swaying motions.

Juggling
a small jug

Jung
Define Jung? I'm aFreud I Kant.

Junk
a very big dessert made with sweetened milk and rennet. It is better known when served in small portions, called junkettes.

Kangaroo
Australian arrow made out of an old beer can.

Karaoke
a way of hiding most of the lyrics and all of tune from observers by people who can't sing. Derived from the Japanese expression which means that Kara (the first person to practice this martial art) thought she sounded okay.

Ketchup
a two-masted ship in dry dock

Keyboard
the one piece of framing timber in your house, that if removed, will reduce it to a jigsaw puzzle of boards and glass fragments.
(which would make a great infomercial, I just thought - Hey there, all you wolves. Are you tired of endless running, huffing and puffing? Fed up with those damn pigs always having their way? Introducing the all new Frizzamaschishle key board finder! Just point this gizmo at the house you wanna crumple, let the Frizzamaschishle show you which board to yank, and presto! A pile of planks, and 2 yummy pigs, just waiting to be gobbled! No more blowing the house down, just pull once, and reap the benefits!...)
But anyway...

Kindling
A Codfish know for assisting other fish out of nets.

Kinkajou
a honey bear with a bend in it

Knowall
Without boundary.

Labyrinth
a mid-length haired dog

Ladder
( lad 'DUH)
A concise expression intimating the superiority of the gentler sex.

Lasagne
A little piece of heaven.

Lattice
leafy vegetable that can only be cultivated in a grid-like pattern.

Laundry
a task similar to the labours of Sisyphus involving the placing of clean items in a place or upon a person in order that they may become soiled and require cleaning, drying, ironing, storing and re-soiling.

Law
Like 'low' but a little higher.

Lawsuit
something that you put on over your briefs.

Lawyer
a means of inventing new meanings for common words and phrases for the benefit of the guilty.

LBW
The internationally recognised abbreviation for "Elbow" used by people for whom two syllables are never enough.

Letheness
Lethe Ness - I know it's a promontory next to a River in Hades, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to remember the name of the River.

Letter
A person who fears responsibility.

Library
a place for believers that good writing is more important than other mundane matters which serves as an anteroom to the great library in the sky wherein good series of books are endless and the works of the mediocre scribes is not present.

Lightweight
a snow-covered tumbleweed head (visit the treehouse for further details)

Limit
A citrus flavoured glove.

Linear
(alternative spelling Linn-ear) the ability to recognise the inherent superiority of the sound ofanalogue vinyl recordings to digital anything.

Lint
The universal medium of information requiring great skill to access but no skill to accumulate. (It's everywhere so it must know something.)

Lion
the creature prostrate on the ground.

Liquid
Ancient Breton unit of currency replacing Lisovereign

Little
a short worthy work of fiction, see Literature

Logarithm
an oversized drum stick

Logarithym
(my spelling cos I forgot how it goes when typing)
logarithym (had to copy and paste that, because I couldn't type it that way) A piece of timber, when struck properly, makes the girls go "E" in delight.

Logical
something that exists beyond the boundary of Nextian Chat

the reasoning applied by someone on a diet - I cut the cake in half so all the calories have fallen out.

Looking glass
Speciality glassware that doubles as both quaffing equipment and emergency spectacles.

Luck
being introduced to the world of Thursday Next

Lymes disease
what you blame your persistent headaches on after too many caipirinhas

Lyrics
An interesting experiment in Fuel Additives in the 1950s. Some may remember "Summer Shell with ICA," or "Ignition control Additive," which turned out to be lead. The addition of lead to petrol to create a clean burning fuel become frowned upon by those who preferred to retain all brain cells, so the MegaGlobalGoliath Corp invested some time in experimenting with different substances to create a cleaner burning fuel. The then CEO had been raised the hard way on a back country farm where his Grandma's Lye Soap had proved superior to many other cleaning methods in removing not only stains but large portions of the object being cleaned, and so insisted on a lye-based cleaning agent. The experiment with Lye as "Ignition Control Substitute" or "Lyrics" was doomed to failure due to the essentially non-combustible nature of the product.
The CEO's multi-million dollar bonus was based on the undeniable fact that his product, while failing in its essential purpose, produced no pollutants whatsoever.
Edited to reduce size of bonus.

Magnetic
forcibly drawn to a correct answer

Magnificence
Large print coins for use by poorly sighted Americans.

Malarkey
Malarkey: disease suffered by Noah's wife, see mal de mare.

Male
letter sent by an illiterate American

Malteser
One who delights in calling mediterranean milkshakes names.

Mammal
Quite like a mamm

Mancunian
the result of trying to combine two local rabidly supported football teams

Mandatory
a urinal (have we had this before?)

Maniacal
A coracle designed for soothing mental rehabilitation.

Manifest
single person pop festival

Map
A 2-5 minute sleep enjoyed by gentlemen of a certain age who, when woken, insist they were only resting their eyes.

Margarita
An inferior oleo spread. "I can't believe it's not better."

Marital
or even 'martial' if you refer
The slang name for the criterion on which parents choose spouses for their children.

Marsh
lush wetland teeming with life in all shapes and sizes; covers the entire surface of the planet Mars...(ssh!)

Marsh Mallow
A rare and infrequently sighted member of the mallow species, probably because it looks and tastes yuck.

Marshmallow
a creature found in a bog which can be improved by impaling it on a stick, shoving it into a fire, then letting go of the stick
Mmmmmmmm, LOVE marshmallows! Ate way too many last night. <smiles and takes another> Thank you!

Marzipan
the after effect of a French chef burning his sauce.

Mash
Drunk mathematics.

Mask
M-ask: The 1,000th repetition of "Are we there yet?" on any long journey with children.

Mastication
a form of self pleasuring for those who still have teeth.

the reason that mastodons failed to breed in enough numbers for the species to survive

MASTURBATION
(in uppercase letters, not lowercase as this means something else)
What happens when baton relay competitors have bad grip.

Mature
brother of one of the writers of "Do They Know it's Christmas?"

Meal
Prince Albert's way of introducing himself before Victoria got him an English tutor.

Measles
a self-centred disease.

Mediocraty
A figurehead businessman

Mediocre
that shade of brown somewhere between dark earth and caramel

Meerkat
Something that isn't proud enough to qualify as a lion.
(Thank you, ISIHAC..."Pride comes before a...?" " 'Of lions' ")

Megalomania
A South American island, named after a Mayan princess with a penchant for men.

Member
to study something very carefully, imprinting every detail in one's mind, in order to be able to re-member it later

Merchant
Merchant: the sound of mer-people make while engaged in yoga

Mereswine
A pig merely swimming in the ocean, nothing to see, don't look, move along...

Meritocracy
Rule by Scouts

Metallic
A slobbering kiss from a meta dog.

Metaphorical
a means of measuring calorific intake.

Metric
Francis Rossi's description of the formation of Status Quo

Micropachycephalosaurus
the headache that comes from hitting your head after sitting upon a small elephant figurine left on you chair - hence saurus.

(one of my daughter'sd favourite words when she was about 8)
The action of making holes in the plastic film of a ready meal with a knife prior to microwaving it.

Microscopic
anagram of 'prismic coco', or: amount of brain used by average driver in peak hour traffic at holiday time.

Midnight
Around the belly area of sir lancelot du lac

Migration
the number of fighter air craft allowed into a country under EU ruling

Millenium
a type of falcon that goes very very fast, sometimes. Alt def: type of ore found at a wheat grinding facility.

Minder
opposite of "yours, darling"

Mineral


Minotaur
an early attempt at GM farming by Daedalus. The local abatoir owner, Theseus, declared the experiment a failure - not enough rump steak.

Mint
the licencing of Trebor to print its own currency

Misanthrope


Misheard
Arrive late for the migration

Misleading
The incorrect version of 'swinging the lead'.

Misogynist
To see an apparition of a member of the fairer sex for the second or third time. Etymology: M-iso-gyn-ist = "iso"-same + "gyn"-female, in the mist.

Miss Piggy
Misspiggy.... To go on a pork free diet

Missing
The sound of gentle rain hitting a hot pavement.

Modem
The method of transferring information immediately after model.

Modesty
The current fashion for housing pigs.

Mojave
the ring around the lips left by my last mocha.

Mojito
a drink which dramatically reduces a person's mojo

Monastry
(cf Monastery)
An attempt to grow a really nasty moustache.

Monitor
A solitary hill.

Monochrome
A royal walk.

Mononucleosis
according to the former commander in chief of the US, what is in them nukular bombs.

Monorail
A special transit system run on the power refined from raw complaints.

Monsoon
Jamaican slang for an adieu

Moolah
the noise made by a French cow.

Moonshine
the light by which a year's worth of study is done prior to a final exam

Moose
A silky grey cow

Mortar
the resealing of a road surface.

Mothball
Another exciting sport or game, the rules of which have been put away long ago, to be retrieved in some indeterminate future. Thence the expression "mothballed".

Mousetrap
The gangsta lyrical stylings of Mouse. T, currently star of Law and Order: Skirtingboard Unit

Mucus
How a cat swears.

Muenster
one who muenses.

Mulligatawny
When a mullet is a nasty yellowy brown colour.

Multi-run
Contagious form of diarrhea.

Multistorey
the brilliantly humorous, multiple levels of meaning and authoritatively referenced gobbledygook of potentially important meaninglessness (as wonderfully evidenced by the foregoing) by which PrinzHilde insinuates his seemingly subtle contributions to the forum.

Multistory
Continental novel on colonial life in the East Indies.

Muppet
Wow gosheroony mu my absolutely favourite greek letter
Comes between lamda and nu. Well I never.

Mush
A flock of soggy peas.

Music
A very good muse, I see.

Music-hall
small scale musical production held in a domestic entranceway usually by children.

Musical
the noise made by tiny kittens.

Calling an elk on a cellphone.
(beats snakes on a plane anyday...)

Mutilate
(no nocturnal felines, please)
I emulate a paper shredder, but somehow it went all wrong......

Mutiny
very small Greek letter

Muzak
Irritating buzzing sound that provokes, by way of reflex, a wild swaying of the arms and a slapping of the hands or movements as if handling a flyswatter. Rhymes to Wozzeck. The diminutive is muzakito.

Mycology
any cology that is not your-cology or their-cology.

Nacreous
The condition of extreme tiredness resulting from the unwearied attention of nail technicians (i.e. a manic manicure).

Narcotics
Little black insect the bite of which gives you a high whilst quibbling

Nasal
paying through the nose for a space programme

Nasty
coffee like beverage that doesn't taste very nice.

Natural selection
Some god's attempt to create intelligent life in its own image, but by consideration of all the variants which have arisen seems to show that intelligent design ain't.

Naughty
Less than oney, which is less than twoey.

Neanderthal
The first attempt at the word human.

Nectar
traditional glue used to adorn your collar with some feathers

Neglected
the filmy garment bought by a bride for her wedding night but generally left to moulder in a drawer on return from the honeymoon.

Neuralgia
The recollection of painful memories.

Neutrality
Like oldtrality except without the laughter lines.

Newcomer
anyone and everyone, sometime or other

Nirvana
A magical unknown state. Resistant to rules and regulations.

Nonplussed
the use of any mathematical symbol except +

Nonstandard
Ay messages set by flag that do't iclude the letter ,because it is missig.

Nostalgia
a pain in the nose, not as nice as it used to be.

Notional
a note that should be made, that invariably isn't

Nuclear
NuClear - the original name for Freederm Spot Cream. The Marketing Team were certain they were on to a sure fire winner, but the name absolutely bombed in the Market Research Trials. Nobody was ever sure why, but the financial fall out was terrible - the redesign of the packaging alone, cost the company two hundred and fifty thousand pounds.

Numeral
a mural composed of digits cf infographic

Nuptial
rare marsupial which mates for life, only being a savage beast, doesn't know for whose life it is going to be mated.

Nursery
NUsery: Elementary school, with the sole aim of teaching Uranium and Nitrogen to play happily together. Very popular in Switzerland.

Nutter
(and don't give us 'time expired fan' or any such tripe)
the person who may add nuts to any product which may contain them.

Nymphomaniac
a Speilberg cartoon character in a diaphanous nightie

Obesity
A tendency to resemble a broken oboe.

Obituary
A safe 'aven for 'obbits.

Obligation
The growing of crocodiles in square tubs so they fit in the fridge better.

Oblivious
A young person is made of of water and the recently discovered compound called oblivion. Further research has begun into the effects this substance has been having on our youths.

Obnoxious
the opposite side from renoxious

Obscure
Surname of Jude the, who dropped the "i" so people wouldn't call him "Judithe"

Obstinate
The male attribute where they will not ask where you are when obviously lost.

Obverse
Stanza from the epic poem of Bill and Ben

Ocean
reminiscent of a small spotted wildcat.

Oceanic
Oceananic: Famous Irish magician and his assistant

Ockhams
(a razor shreds paper -> Ockhams razor is the coolest razor)
a knitted covering for the cured thigh of a pig that has been very badly constructed.
(Sorry Twin, Ockham's razor doesn't apply here. No logic. Not at all, here. But I agree, that is one cool bit of logic in the real world!)

Ogling
Something one-eyed ogres do in a vain attempt to improve their vision

Ogress
To digress excessively

Old bull
energy drink which has been aged to perfection

Oleo
Youngo's dad

Olympics
Can't be pictures of olym, can it?
Otherwise don't know.
Other fforumites come up with wittier response please.
Long-lost tribe of Picts, who journeyed far away and named Mount Olympus accidentally while making some tea.

Omnibus
Gods (plural) favourite transport.

Omphaloskepsis
a novel way to observe a nation's sea-power

The art of Sorry, I've become distracted by a piece of blue lint

Onomatopoeia
A state of dismay at the presence of tomatoes in a 19th-century horror story.

Oozel
runny board used by painters and artists.

Orange
small multicoloured object which has the property of taking over the world and then coalescing down to green.

Orgy
Porgy, after trying desperately to find Bess again, gives up and decides to take the P out of her.

Orifice
A darkly gothic ornamented hedgerow.

Original
all of a person found in a country - except for their six-pack

Othello
greeting from a hot country eg: G'day

Greeting a fforum newcomer in a thread where the topic is not greeting fforum newcomers

Other
a aquatic mammal with a speech impediment.

Outback
Australian name for a bustle

Overboard
an archaic term for a carpet

Overdone
Over'd one... somebody who doesn't rise swiftly through the ranks in his or her profession.

Overvalued
When I had my "over" valued it cost more money than it was worth so I'd definately define it as a no-no.

Overweight
ME!
Alternatively, the time spent in a queue beyond that which is reasonable to spend in a queue.

Owlish
When something hurts a bit but you aren't sure where or why

Pachyderm
Pa(t)chyderm: Person whose damaged skin has been mended with a large number of skin grafts.

Package
Date stamp on a parcel

Packaging
A very old and worn rucksack, that's getting worse every day.

Pangolin
a stringed musical instrument for which you yearn

Panto
Short colors

Pantomime
the charade one goes through when pretending to be interested in blue/grey/brown office slacks, when one actually wants the impractical dramatic, frilly black and red floor length gothic skirt that is so far out of one's price range... Sigh.

Paperclip
still pictures of stickmen drawn on pages of a book to create a moving picture when flicked.

Parabola
Two very ugly, furry, bowl-shaped bowling shoes
(have to get all my shoe references out now, before the boots become a distant memory) <happy dance!>
Portuguese sports story.

Paradox
A more or less male bovine who believes to be in charge of the herd.

Paramedical
annual check-up for people who throw themselves from aircraft as a hobby (or profession)

Paranoia
A matched set of noi.

Parapet
A mutt with a penchant for extreme sports.

Parent
What a father pays the landlord so his child doesn't live at home.

Parkin
( a yorkshire sweetmeat)
what ginger cake will be when it grows up.
Alternatively, what a Mancunian is doing just before he gets out of his car

Parsimony
A golfer who complains about his round, even though he's just shot his handicap.

Parsons nose
from "Parse" to analyse and "no" a refusal. Parsons Nose then is a refusal to analyse"
e.g. Timmy opened his mouth to show me what he was chewing but I parsons nose
(damn that wasn’t easy I just wanted to break the spell really)

Particle
a segment of an icicle.

Parts
The name of dyslexic parrot.

Party
male progenitor of golfing essentials
ytrap backwards which is a snare for underpants.
This somehow seems more likely.

Patent
an nmate n a hosptal

Patron
Pat Ron - because he's been such a nice boy...

Paul Robeson
What Paul Robesoff is when he puts something on in the morning.

Pavement
when the bottom falls out of your payement.
<realises that I gave a definition, then thought of a better one shortly after.>
<Pavement - what you sleep on when the bottom falls out of your payement>
<Does this to try and look cool and composed>
<fails miserably>

Paw
an American married to maw

Pawn
when you are so absolutely poor, all you have left to take in is the adult movies.....

Pea
That lump under the mattress.

One of those words with too many extraneous letters, like queue, bee and tea.

Peanuts
a cartoon strip which can cause a severe allergic reaction in it's readers.

Peapod
a pod full of peas. As opposed to a Decapod, or an arthropod.

Peatwoggler
a person who creates decayed wooden artefacts for juvenile para-militaries to complete their uniform

Pedagogue
a monologue delivered while standing on only one foot

Pedantic
mucking about performed by unidexter.

Pekionair
Oooohno follow-up word That gives me the opportunity to quote (in translation) a definition I just found As far as I know, "pekionär" is neither an existing word in german nor in any other language
A Pekingese dog that, in the course of a fierce marital dispute, and on behalf of a distinctive sequence of movements of arms and hands conducted by one of the participants, leaves the bedroom through the window and therefore will mainly follow the way the law of gravity prescribes for an overall height of eight consecutive floors. The flapping movements of the animal will alter its path only marginally. During later legal procedings the attorney of the party filing for divorce will refer on multiple instances to the incident and deliberate broadly on the brutality of the defendant. A pecuniary compensation for the untimely deceased canine and family member is, in the face of fundamental objections concerning ethical principles, sought for and received.
(Author of the German original: BerlinerSchule)

Pekoe
The ability to read the future in tea leaves, with just the briefest of looks.

Pen
a weapon somewhat like a machine gun, since it is mightier than the sword.

Penitence
temporary accomodation for imperial coins value of 1/240th of a quid.

Pentium
A rare tropical flower that exudes a sap that causes extreme forgetfulness.

Percussion
a fine levied on the use of naughty words

Peripatetic
A travelling salesman of pear cider.

Periphery
Boat rowed by Charon's fairyland counterpart, Iolanthe.

Persia
German sports car fitted with intricately patterned carpet.

Persiflage
the best flag cleaning detergent

Pewter
a church seat made from soft metal.

Phantasm
The culmination of elephant sex.

Pheremones
<You mean Pheromones?>
Pheromones: Ancient Greek-Roman rowing ferry system: "Who pays the Pheromones?"
<Pheremones: Moaning Fairies>
<sorry, couldn't resist>

Phoenix
a charge levied on underwear

Photograph
Pictorial demonstration of the decline in art since the 19th Century.

Phttt
part of a horse's nostril.

Phylum
Phydeaux's brother, sometimes called "Spot"

Pick
A pixie with a speech impediment.

Pickle
The male dominated situation in France, where the default is to pick him rather than pick her.

Pickled
Being tickled with an ice pick.

Picnic
The process of choosing a nickname

Pigeon
rat with wings, but still predisposed to walking everywhere
a very long time in pig years

How long it takes to sculpt the numeral Pi.

Pillow
The sound made by someone being crushed by a comedy polystyrene pillar.

Pincushion
Old Nordic 'someone who shuns a pinko', pinko being a breed of dog well loved by the Vikings.

Pineapple
a strong desire to keep a doctor (but not The Doctor) at bay.

Pinwheel
A wheel that may only be used on sit-on sewing machines.

Pipe
a pie with extra vegetables - typically peas

Pipistrelle
Bruce Wayne as a boy

Pirate
the speed at which buccaneers can sail in a circle.

Pistols
an early form of pill - or should that be PIL?

Pizza
a stack of open-topped pies held at a jaunty angle.

Planet
to decide beforehand what you..... err.....wanted to type

Planker
a sleepy Rodney.

Plantation
athletic contest loosely modeled on Amish "barn raising": plant seed by hand over an entire field in one hour. Originally a way of helping an ailing neighbor, it evolved into a rigorous test of stamina. Tragically, not yet an Olympic event.

Plaque
the noise of a bare thigh leaving a plastic sun chair.

Play
A type of wooden board sourced from free range trees

Plonker
A weight used to prevent a wine bottle from being taken downstream, when being cooled in a river.

Poet
small feminine po.
[for some reason I also have been thinking of Scaffold and 'Lily the Pink'! Is this morphic resonance or a confusion of synchronicity?

Poison
Fish missing half it's Scales.

Polygon
A parrot that keeps disappearing

Populous
When you pull a Christmas cracker, and get the short end.

Porcine
Sweaty cinema in France

Portion
a measure of potion, with an added element to aide consumption

Posing
A musical chamber pot.

Post modernist
upright fence support installed recently
method of despatching someone who thinks everything is better now than it was.

Posthumous
a mail-order chick pea service

Postmaster
Someone with a fettish for fence posts.

Potato
he was the Marx brother who sat on the couch all the time; hence Groucho, Chico, Harpo and Potato.

Pothole
pothole: a hiatus whereby hot oil pours down your leg when you lift the chip pan off the heat to add the spuds. Also known as 'you b*stard' in generic one word exclamations.

Pottage
The detritus left outside a bookstore after a night of queueing for a first release.

Poultice
iced confection of chicken - not very tasty but better then cold duck.

Powder
Pow Der - The sound effects when a villain attacks Batman with a bag of talc

Prance
a large European country where nobody walks

Precipitous
the unfocused, bleary state just before the first sip of morning coffee.

Predicate
A dictator in waiting
To divine what's for tea.

Prenatal
before getting to Durban

Presentation
The act of hiding a piece of junk under shiny paper and then sticking bows onto it so that it is transformed into a gift

Prison
First born male

Proclaim
A variety of clam.

Procrastination
A country in favour of crasties

Product
orifice through which ladies of negotiable affection are introduced to the world.

Production
Having the conduits installed by someone who will charge to do it.

Professor
it's 'rosseforp' backwards, and this sounds more like an item of interest.
(trivial meaning) confessional for ladies(and gentlemen) of the night.

Programme
in favour of metric mass units

Proletariat
The only rodent to walk on two legs

French word for being in favour of the location of Terrence.

Promenade
a fizzy drink made from the musical fruit, a promegranette.

Promotion
One who prefers movies to photographs.

Pronounced
To be in favour of 'nouncing, ie to be an advocate of announcing people's entry on a universal basis.

Pronunciation
The advocation of nun's being sent on sailing courses to compete in the next Olympics.

Prophecy
A phecy who works for money

Prostrate
rate at which prosts experience the universe. Apocryphal messaging tends to suggest that this is is a variable, but the affecting variables are not yet known.

Protein
an actor who earns his or her living playing roles for which they are far too old (c.f. cast of most school movies)

Protractor
Anti horses.

Pseudonym
something disguised as a lab rat

Pub
General term for the place people go to be obnoxious in public. Not to be mistaken for Post Office or Department of Licensing.

Published
Having become utterly lished (turned into a lush) at a pub.
cf Demolished: Giving an example of drunkenness.
cf Established: Being drunk while holding an electronic knife.
cf Unpolished: Being drunk without toilet facilities.
cf Unpublished: Being drunk while not at the pub.
cf Republished: And the cycle starts again....

Puke
Edited to remove small traces of vomit.
the immediate pre-ceding link in natural selection to the pukeko sometimes spelt puke echo

Pull
the reflex movement you automatically make when a door is marked "Push".

Pullover
A lover or fanatical enthusiast of the little known birds called puls.

Pygmalion
a little lion

Pygmy
My swine.

Quacomole
(1) whack-a-mole, but with the hammer replaced with a duck. (2) Duck and Avocado dip.

Quagmire
rare relative of the platypus, known for its ability to climb trees.

Quantum
minimum amount of style required to be a 1960s fashion creator.

Quark
quadratic arc (that pesky technique by which to transform a circle into a square)
and I was going to say quark: the noise made by a posh duck Never mind

the noise made by a duck with a sore throat

Queue
the letter q shouting 'ue' into an echo box.

Quisling
The irritating little swot who came with his parents to the pub trivia night, and is getting everything right for them.

Quixotes
crossword clues involving cryptic quotes

Rabbit
Rabbi T: Mr T once he has converted to Judaism, fool!

Rabble
A word game played exclusively by Jewish Teachers

Rabidly
to move fast with a severe sinus problem.

Radioactive
The vibrating movement caused but loud music played through the wireless.

Radish
A hat designed to dual-function as a satellite communication device.

Radix
a soothing bath salt for men (Sorry)

Railway
The Brummie opposite of "Wrong way".

One's preferred method of ranting, eg. "Tommy's railway was to shout incoherently at anyone within hearing range, while Jill preferred a more targeted approach."

Ramble
Trying to walk contentedly from one point to the next, and taking every possible detour along the way.

Random
an Egyptian children's morning TV show starring the great god Ra and his best friend Om. They were not quite as popular as AnkhandEck, but they had moved on to "I'm a Deity, get me out of here"

Ranking
(Yes, I know: we should be seeing him & Lady Raygun in 10 days time!)
A system of setting things in logical order, which is theoretically possible outside the Fforum realm. Not real likely around here.

Rat
(no mention of politicians please: too easy)
a cat with a fur-less tail and a seriously ugly face, but still excellent at making a mess

Rational
(1): a Portion of food for Albert
(2): A skin disease affecting inhabitants of a remote Scottish island

React
to be in a stage show that runs for more than one night.

Reaction
React-ion: an act from a multi-run stage show.

Rectify
one who is always faithful to destruction.

Redacted
the Communist practice of combining similarly themed plays into one giant "people's play".

Reeve
The Man of Steel (as in Christopher)

Refreshing
what happens to an umpire after a game when he ruled against the home team

Reggae
Have the consistency of a runny egg.

Regressive
concatenation of 'really aggressive' - the feeling you get when software from security systems pops up messages and freezes the system whilst trying to post and erudite and witty comment to the fforum.

Rehabilitation
Upgrading prefabs

Relic
very old relish (icky)

Reminiscent
Half-recalled memories of a long-forgotten aroma.

Rennaisance
giving birth,to twins

Renounced
Re-noun-ced
Not for the first time, misused a verb out loud.

Repeatedly
When one bit of marshy ground looks exactly the same as every other bit.

Republican
a fiction author who has been published for a second time.

Reseal
As some very surprised Buddhists have discovered, reincarnation as a large marine mammal.

Research
obscure area of philology pertaining to the development of the post modernist PhD.

when you Google something, then realise you haven't entered the right terms, and have to do it again.

Residue
someone who still hasn't settled down long after he should have become respectable. (A word only used by former classmates who already have two children and by elderly relatives)

Resin
Taking a break from work, but without tea.

Respect
what the young-uns on the Fforum owe to the old-uns

Retroactive
aerobics for geriatric people

Revelations
One of Sydney's better known apocalypse themed strip clubs.

Reverberate
to seek synonyms for the predicate content of a sentence.

Rhetorical
Yell or cry that the people in Southeast Switzerland use to greet or draw attention, Formerly spelled Rhaetoricall. Distantly related to Yodeling as practised in German speaking parts of the Alps.

Rheumatism
unseen force by which gossip is transmitted.

Rhubarb
A kangaroo with a pointy stick.

Richard
a garden where money grows (isn't it a pity most of them were devastated in the Great Credit Blight of 1436?)
<Just now getting the joke behind the title "Poor Richard's Alamanac.">

Ringbinder
A person/being who performs the act of bringing them all and in the darkness binding them.

Robust
what distinguishes a pleasure droid from a mechanical person

Rodney
That odd person that mostly uses words you've never heard of, so you try to stay away from them so they won't talk to you and confuse you. (I think Rodney has been running this thread while I was away, I'm really confused right now.)

Rotten
Something in the state of Denmark that antedated tomatoes (but not eggs - thence the peculiar smell).

Royal
two of the performers at the 68 Woburn Music Festival who were not Alexis

Rucksack
Padded garment worn by rugby hookers to prevent painful incidents

Rural
an place where locals roll their 'R's

Saccharin
the island diet addicts are banished to. Against popular belief, it never had a forced labor camp, only a vast health club with lots of torture exercise machines.

Sagacious
Having the properties of a saga: a long and tedious plot, operatic characters, and at least one chariot race that goes on forever.

Descriptive of a resort hotel where the clientele are over 65 years of age.

Sailboat
A water based vehicle sold by a dyslexic sailsman.

Samurai
Sam O'Rye: Irish baker

Sandpaper
daily read for sedimentologists.

Sandwich
Occultists at a nudist beach

Sarcophagus
sarcastic coughing noise made by Egyptians when you wake them

Satsuma
Shelved proposal by the promotions dept of the Orange phone network. Turns out most people do not want to spend every weekend watching Kill Bill at the cinema, even if they do get two tickets for the price of one.

Sausage
sausage, like infinity, is not definable the human mind.
A mysterious entity of undescribable contents not meant to be known by the human mind. cf kebab.

Scaffold
a structure which supported Lily the Pink. (Thank you very much)

Scandal
footware involved in speeding things up

Egon, go to page 4, do not pass go, do not collect £200.

Scoot
What one can do to avoid paying for one's overpriced coffee. Side effect is that you can't ever go back to that Starbuck's again. (Oh Well)
the price in coffeeshops. Ah well, some you win some you lose

Scowl
DOS file name for talent show's rudest host

Scrummaging
two meanings
1] (trivial] Rugby union term for an exercise of extreme friendship as exemplified by slogan " Only rucking beats f.... (sorry! Sudden memory lapse there. I'll come back to it later perhaps}
2} (serious) the process by which the wisdom of the ancients is passed down through the female line that allows them to go post Christmas sale shopping under conditions that resemble trench warfare such as at Potiers (sic) and other trench warfare sites and to return home without the emotional scars. Shows that time is intrinsically variable - what took 5 years in the trenches is equallred by 6 - 8 hours of shopping.

Scrumpy
adjective describing the look of something which has been scrumped - especially when applied to cars. (C.F. Red Dwarf, ?Season 2?)

Scunthorpe
The act of fiddling with fruit and vegetables in supermarkets to test for ripeness.

Seamingly
When the sea mingles with the ocean (also it's a word that my computer wants to underline with a red squiggly)

Seaworthy
a result only capable of an average grading. Between Beeworthy and Deeworthy.

Segue
A South American tree noted for the manner in which specimens arrange themselves in geometric patterns.

Selection
An election with "S" as the winner of the race

Senora
A Spanish snorer.
Woman with a verrrrry deep, roaring contralto voice

Session
Search Engine Strategies used in the Priory of Sion

Set
<I believe that "set" has the most definitions of all words in the Oxford Dictionary.>
Set...Ancient Egyptian goddess of jellied foodstuffs and unproven etymological rumours

Severe
reverse into meat grinder.

Shady
a woman found in a sleazy karaoke bar

Sharebroker
A silent rabbit consignment store

Sheet
To consume quietly.

Shepherd
Female of the greater spotted Pherd tribe.

Shibboleth
An arcane religious ceremony, performed only at the rising of the half-sunk moon, involving jive dancing, caramel milkshakes, and hammered dulcimers...

Shin
the stage just before something is shiny

Shipwreck
a vessel designed for transporting wrecks

Shoeburyness
The taste of food that has been buried and carefully aged by a dog.

Siberia
a sibilant iberia, home to lots of srabbits.

Sibling
the description for the act of sible.
Sible is a small musk coloured and flavoured marsupial that lived by the banks of the Rhine river many decades ago. It presumably became extinct when Nixonesqe 'New Speak' became prolific having been prioritised in an ongoing fashion, instead of being able to continue its placid existence at its own pace.

Side Effect
The things that go wrong with with Sydney when he has one too many E's.

Sidhe
Old Finlandic spelling of the agricultural tool 'scythe'.

Silage
A method of dating archeological strata using dung.

Silly mid off
an extremely skimpy tank top.

Silver
a french plate, if you please!

Simian
a bipedal mammal, quite like Ian

Simple
An item of clothing that resembles a snood

Sindarin
A bin for fireplace ashes

Sinus
a biometric system which relies on the fact that no two people share the same nose to provide a digital signature.

Skipped
Someone moving on one ski and one bare foot.

Slammer
an extremely failed slimmer

Slate
A form of material used in the construction of theatre and film reviews.

Slathered
herd of slaths, or, being somewhat inebriated in a rainstorm.

Sleuth
Inspector Clouseau's pet sloth

Slimming
to emulate Mr Whitman without being a la castrati

Sling
The slang for "slang", used by people who consider "a" to be i vulgir vowel.

Slork
The slow stork who causes extremely long birthing labours.

Slurpy
The eighth dwarf of whom little is known

Smelly
Related to Politicians and Newspapers, as in "Topics best avoided at the dinner table."

Smirk
small blue smile from Holland

Smomopolis
silopomoms going the other way.
Silopomoms are large furry creatures who love johnny depp shaped chocolates but have a morbid fear of pointy sticks so are frustrated in their desires.

Smurf
small, stiffled giggle. Often leaving the smurfer blue in the face

To stand on a board while riding on a wave, all the while smiling in a smug sort of way.

Smut
Pornography involving chimney fetishism

perfect tense of the verb "smite"

Snappish
Behaviour of new owners of digital cameras, typified by the taking of multiple terabytes of photo snaps of grandchildren. (See: Grandpaparazzi)

Snark
Sm'one who tells tha coppas where to find ya deala (with a rising inflection)

Sneak
to emerge as the winner in a photo finish ("he got there in the _sneak_ of time")

Snow
A brand new snack for negatively minded! Are you sad? Are you depressed? Then eat snow! It's nutritious, tasteless and reminiscent of colder times. Snow! The snack you can't be bothered to reject! Eat snow.

Snowman
a vendor of frozen water flakes.

Soap
A state of melancholy brought on by watching too many of them.

Socket
a rapidly improvised repair to a trouser pocket, using a sock where the torn pocket used to be.

Soprano
liquid soap

Southern
a UK seaside town as pronounced by really posh people

Spanish
the width of any hand more or less when calculating roughly

Sparkle
a small spark

Sparmlish
a sign that ES has finally cracked

Spasmodic
The new Emo

Specious
insulting term implying that you have different standards for different chocolates.

Spell
the means by which letters of the alphabet magically form themselves into words

Spelling
A subject no longer taught in US elementary schools, as apparently the cell-phone texting industry has taken over.

Spelt
or is that too corny?
the inedible, dry, scaly protective casings of the seeds of cereal grain

Spelunk
a gluten free pasta made from cardboard and frog saliva.

Spherical
involuntary snorting, especially during laughter

Spine
That which is deficient in most politicians.

Spire
Someone who spies.
nickname for the Ar Men lighthouse, which is exactly halfway between San Sebastian and Cork City

Splack
The response you get if you accuse somebody of being coy to avoid the payment of dinner date bills.

Splinter
medical aid for mouse with broken leg

Split-ends
A form of neurotic anxiety

Sponge
A Swiss ponge, for use in more smelly circumstances than a regular ponge.

Spot
a very small dog.

Spring chicken
A really tough, rubbery piece of cooked poultry.

Sprouts
mystic vegetable of the Universe - well RRs anyway. Often considered included in Geneva convention against cruelty to prisoners.
obs: sprout: past tense of Spring - used in UK a lot if you blink too long at the end of the cold rainy season and before the warm rainy season.

Square-circle
the result of work done by outside consultants to solve the square peg, round hole problem.

Squash
from two words squall and ash:- muddy rain cause by volcanic ash.

Squelch
A Welsh relative of the zuchini family

Squiffy
To be thrown out of a very highly place window; usually with fatal consequences.

Stable
A table with a s..s..s..stutter

Stag do
member of Vietnamese orgy party, currently banned by government which is opposed to anyone having fun.

Standover
small town up the hill from Andover, which is short for "Pass us all your valuables before we ventilate you"

Star
a very brief stare.

St. Ar - patron saint of wannabe celebrities.

Starbucks
buying a coffee, and having to pay money only someone famous could afford.

Starchy
the natural energy of a Universe a very long way away from here and only visible at night.

Stark
An obsolete serving utensil of the Regency period.

State
fulfills ones needs for hot beverages

S'TATE what the yorkshire man said when he saw the art gallery

Status
One of the subnational entities of the United States of America.

Steampunk
post-millenial punk rock attempting to regain the gritty 1970's retro feel of the Sex Pistols.

Step
a road that climbs at such a rate that you can't fit all the letters in.

Stick
what you throw when you want the dog to come find you.
(alt: a tick on a S, but that was just too gross near the pies)

Stockpot
advertisment for a liberal herbalist

Stottie
A slapper coming home from race day, trying to walk in highheels after too much champas.

Structural
being hit in the countryside

Stubbed
Shortened version of the expression "stew bed" Like applepie bed but much more savoury.

Subjugate
The passages, rooms and bunkers located below old court houses, normally painted green and yellow.

Sublime
Not quite as good as a green relative of the lemon.

Subside
the flank of an underwater vessel

Subtile
glue for ceramics

Suffragette
a person who insists on adding "ette" to the end of a word to denote the feminine form, eg: Smurfette, Ladette.

Sugary
A foam factory.

What you say to Gary to tell him to go away.

Suites
Hotel spelling of wrapped chocolates meant to be put on pillows

Summer
strange beast belonging to English mythology.

Summertime
A word from the deep south for paying for the jambalaya ingiedients

Sumo
What Homer'll do when he discovers his beer's been being watered down for all those years...
Eesh, and I'm not even a Simpsons fan. Why did I come up with that?

Sunflower
Type of healthy wholemeal flour made of 100% ground stardust.

Super
Late night snack specifically designed to reduce the need to go for a wee during the night.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
what you say when you don't know what to say*
* I know, I know, but in this instance I hope you will forgive me using the correct definition

Superlative
The most tasty soup

Surfers
people not brought out in a rash by washing powder.

Susceptible
capable of knowing when the chocolate is about to run out but not yet wise enough to scarper before the dishes have to be done.

Susurration
< Seeks sustenance, sceptically sniffs suspect savoury. Slightly scorched skinny sides, stuffing seems somewhat soggy. Seasoned small sauerkraut sausage? Simply saveloy skin scraps? Skips sauce, sadly sequestrates serving, seizes second similar sample, scratches surface, smells. Surprise, strong sweet scent! Smiles, samples. Somehow slight sick sensation, strength sinks. Sudden scare, sees shadow, screams shamelessly! Swiftly scarpers.>
Sorry.
to work out what other people are getting out of their food coupons

Swanky
Cornish expression meaning to weigh anchor off the South West coast of Britain. Largely unused.

Swarky
first not* of a swark.
*read 'note'

Sword
what an illiterate did after they stubbed their toe.

Sycophantic
outright dislike of Z-list celebrities' blatant attempts to keep their names in the gossip rags

Syllepsis
syll' from syllable and 'epsis' a poisoning of a wound, so 'syllepsis means 'covered in chocolate with a honeycomb and mixed nut core with a tang of caramel to bind the lot together. P8 of the WWI(TM regd) book '100 foods to eat before you die of malnutrition and dyspesia from eating wholesome foods and exercising'.

Systemic
purgative for your female sibling

Tad
A small thing. Hence a tadpole being a colloquial name for a toothpick.

Tagging
a way of labeling things "cool and composed"

Tailor
A voyeur of story telling

Talking
TalKing: The big, verbose King of the Smurfs

Tamarin
a Scottish hat designed to withstand the ocean spray

Tangent
A rather tall strapping leathery skinned fellow who has obviously spent a lifetime outside in the hot sun. (sorry, rather obvious I suspect).

Triangular citrus fruit, closely related to the clementine

Tapestry
the art of dancing to avoid the issue at hand.

Tarantula
a brand of Latin American shoes.

Target
instruction to Aberdeen City Council, as yet unperformed.

Tarragon
The feeling of having one's beautiful southern plantation burned to the ground.

Tattered
covered with narrow strips of a textile material
Severely injured by having potatoes hurled at you.

Tawny
designer fabric that looks as if it has been ripped

Tea
according to Julie Andrews, it is a drink with jam and bread, but I have always thought that bread, especially spread with jam would become too soggy if dunked

Teal
a duck that's muddled late and always striving valiantly to exhibit right handedness

Teddybear
Nickname for Eddie O'Bare, a completely made-up person with a bad haircut and not much else.

Telephone
a Yorkshire pachyderm

Telescopic
the time period which grows when holding on for a response from a telephone company. cf: eternity

Television
Tel e-vision device capable of showing old Minder repeats.

a device for viewing old episodes of Minder.

Tempest
a type of hyper-pan-dimensional space cockroach.

Temporary
Southern Irish town, renowned for its sense of timing.

Tentacle
two pentacles conjoined.
changed rules in rugby league that allows for more violence without the refereee's intervention.

Tenuous
The step before someone gets tenure.

Terms
baby terminals

Terracotta
a cream dessert which has been cooked for too long and has gone as hard as a fresh biscuit.

Terrier
a dog with a long water-absorbant coat, when clipped the fibres are used to make terrier-towelling.

That Word
Drowt aht' backwards.

Thesaurus
Predecessor of Themammoth and Thedodo (amongst others).

Thixotropic
The property of being likely to tend towards micromanaging behaviour.

Threshing
trying with some difficulty to get through a doorway or similar threshold.

Tick
A mark to show you picked the correct blood sucking mite.

Ticketing
The procedure by which people are allocated into their true demographic groups at musical events.

Tinsel
a numismatist hawking counterfeit coins

Tired
at work. Hence not work is retired.

Toblerone
Swiss concept of exporting their mountains as mini replicas made of chocolate. Like Switzerland contains nuts.

Toddler
T'oddler
Somebody who can speak like a northern flowerpot man

Toilet paper
The Herald Sun

Tomorrow
yesterday of the future

Topography
printed logos, slogans and generally inane messages (thought hilariously funny or philosophically poignant by the wearer) on T-shirts, jumpers or similar tops.

Tortology
scientific study of rich chocolate cakes

Tractor
Workman with Doctorate in Track Repair.

Tragically
side lane off boulevarde of broken dreams

Trainspotter
One who manufactures locomotives from clay

Trainspotting
the art of trying to paint large dots on the side of trains. Maximum points are achieved if this is done while the train is moving.

Trance
wot the younger generation dance themselves into

Transcendental
An Alien Lifeform who rises above everything.

Transcribe
someone halfway between their pen and their keyboard.

Transcript
A cross-dressing mausoleum.

Transit
the half crouching stance required to use those funny shelf-like things that have replaced seats in bus shelters.

Translation
the act of moving thin slivers of rock

Travesty
any song by the Bee Gees.

Trimester
Trimester: Ancient sailing ship with three masts.

Trinkets
bits of bunting that corporated students knot to the handle of their personal tankards, (german: Bierzipfel)


Tropical
something of current interest and discussion that has not had the arse kicked out of it.

Trousers
A twin set of telescopes

Truffle
A steampunk version of the Victorian Ruffled collar, only made from flywire.

Tuba
fish served in a pub.

Tumultuous
The virtuous use of tummy-rubbing to curry favour.

Turf
compound word, describing quality of breaking waves in an offshore effluent disposal area. Define: Cosmopolitan

Turkey
similar to a key, only it does not turn as fa as it could.

Turquoise
The National dish of a little known province entirely composed of choir conductors.

The mood the descends upon someone who is at the very end of a holiday.

the hue of small marine mammals just below the surface of the sea.

Tusk
Noise a posh Northern Irish person makes to indicate disgust or disdain example: "tusk tusk, this is a turrible sitchooashun"

Tutor
One who tought how to be a king (or queen) in the era from Henry VII onward and ending with Queen Anne.

Twenty- twenty
Two words, each containing two "t"s, the second of which does not need to be pronounced in the Americas and the Antipodes.

Twiglet
recent phenomenon in Natural World - caused by collapse of normally buoyant nesting market.

Twinkle
the smaller of a pair of twins

Typical
hot, humid and covered in a lush growth of letters. (see: calligraphy)

Unable
any game played with only one ball, as opposed to multiple games like smooker and billiards

Unambiguous
un' meaning 'not', 'ambigouous' meaning 'not small' so 'unambiguous' means having a thirst and enough of the readies to indulge in the purchase and consumption to placate that thirst in the company of pleasant company.

Uncomprehending
a pawnbroker realising that if he doesn't give you over the odds for the junk you just offered him you are going to punch his lights out
lots of arcane slang there

Underwear
a garment that should be used more frequently.

Undress
My first thought was Arsula...
On second thought...
Undress - German fight yell (Und... Ress!) of uncertain ethymology. Caused havoc in anglosaxon-speaking ranks during both World War I and World War II. Got into disuse after the latter and the establishment of NATO

Unfortunate
from the Franglais - un fortun ate a frogleg.

Uniform
An informed person who can't spell.

Unilateral
When civilian unicycles are destroyed in war, it is known as this damage.

Unit
I certainly am, for not thinking of the above response.
(Brain starts singing da-dum da-da-da-da-doom-dum....)
To take a jumper & deconstruct it into a single ball of wool

Unlikely
Any respect shown to oldies on the fforum (with luck!).

Unneeded
apparently, the definition of "pull".
Also, the parallel to being unfriended.

Unserviceable
description of person not suited to being a member of the armed forces.

Unsigned
a rookie street gang member.

Upgrade
what happens to a U.K. SAT score if you complain

Urban
a hesitant prohibition

Us
used to describe the emotion of feeling like you have behaved inappropriately in front of peers or employers. "To feel like an us"

Vacuity
The term used for an anuity in times of deepest global economic crisis.

Vale
the way a very old person living in the Romansch-speaking part of Switzerland would say "good-bye"

Vampire
Feelings of rage brought on by the sight of voluptuous, lady goths.

Velocipede
very fast centipede, possibly a winner at the buglympics

Vendor
The entranceway to a fantastic new world of intersecting, unioned and symmetrically different circles.
(Consider the set of semi-rational basketcases, set A, and the set of intelligent people. set B. A intersection B equals people who are most liekly to be attracted to this forum........) :)
<Although circles are quite popular here, it does appear that the fforum ffavourite is the tangent.>

Ventilate
a white coffee you can see through

Venue
the material used to replace serious vericous veins.

Verbose
Paragraphs explaining something in 100 words which could have been explained in 5, coming out of small yeat exceptionally clear-sounding speakers.

Video
The Sixth God of Gaming.

Viper
the person responsible for assigning status to guests

Voluminous
shining in flight

Voyeur
Someone who goes (from Spanish).

Vulcanise
start to behave exactly like a race of people who have repressed emotion and violence in favour of peace and logic.
Also, go for large pointy ears, rather than plain old round(ish) ones..

Waddle
Small pieces of cotton used by dentists.

Waiting


Wallpaper
Someone who wallpaps.

Wand
a magic kingdom located between Vand and Xand.

Wannabee
One of those flies that looks like a honeybee but isn't.

Wardrobe
a variation of the classic salad, with aubergine in place of the rare waldorfs.

Warning
a paltry fire - one which flames feebly but just fails to be warming.

Water
Wat-er: system used for measuring the efficiency of different liquids for use in hydro- electric plants. Largely disused, not just for the obvious reason, but also because the system was based on measuring all liquids at 0 degrees C.

Wave
a straight line with hiccups.

Weatherman
(quick depart from general rules)
somebody who gets paid lots of money by seaside resort owners to tell absurd stories to the public.
(back on general rules)

someone who predicts the weather on telly by tossing a coin for it.

A man who didn't get enough education and always gets the easiest things wrong!

A man who isn't sure if he should take his umberella of sunhat

Weed
Anything growing where you don't want it to.

a Brummie's (or Scouser's) attempt to say "weird".

Weeding
22nd century spelling of the word pronounced as weading used to describe the letter-by-letter extraction (or is it eradication?) of information from a book.

Weighted
Method employed by soppy blokes to see who's got the biggest..........toy

Welk
A funny walk after a parrot attack, parodied by Groucho Marx.

Whack
the sound of willow making contact with the ball. Most commonly heard when trying to extract a confession.

Whaling
the long moaning sound you make when you realise you have eaten way too many pies and are now the size of a large aquatic mammal.

Whifferdill
Smelly GM variant of common spring flower, apt to grow back on itself multiple times.

Whimsical
an interactive musical in which members of the audience take the stage in turns, each singing in the genre of their choice.

Whiskey
a small piece of metal that opens the lock on the lavatory door.

Whovian
a twin-hearted creature living in Whoville.

Wibble
a wobble that has been disemvowelled.

a warm little snack (as opposed to a cold "nibble")

Wicked
being a pointy stick with a wick at the end that has been surgically removed. A sort of candlecision.

Wigglewaggle
the scaled down version of the mexican wave seen in front of a group of iconic childrens entertainers.

Wilderness
The vital importance of understanding the difference between a s and a t

Winkle
a disease of the eyelid caused by a microscopic bi-valve

Winner
a season, said by someone with a speech impediment.

Wire
a conditional modifier frequently used in connection with delays. Hence the expression "wire we waiting?"

Workhorse
edited because I made a mistake of not being on the last page, and i have no definition of 'workhorse' except this is the third time I have heard "i heard it on the grapevine" today. Except thai it is an anagram of 'she or work'.
still have no definition so the questionis still open.
Sorry!
-....or even were hooks minus r
No that's rubbish How about Kor!! Whores!!
Arguing over Workhorse? Is that a kosher row? Does it work only at sea, or is it shore work?
I felt I had more, but I can't think of any.
Workhorse: A Brony nightmare
Hey, why didn't my URL code work? I can't see the problem, though I accept that since it didn't work I did something wrong. What was the wrong thing wot I dun?
<dont't leave out the [url]http://>[/url];
<Re-edit. Thanks, PrinzHilde. I've become so used to my browser filling that part in for me that the absence just didn't register in my elderly and failing brain.>
[url]http://>[/url];' looks vaguely like a swearword in some other language.
It also looks like the kind of thing you'd do if you wanted to blank out a swear word, vis:
I jumped into my car this morning, but the [ing] thing wouldn't start

Worldwide
a **really** fat person

Worthy
Worse than worst quality of iron ore. Often used ironically.

X Factor
The signature of the semi-literate Factor sibling.

Yawn
anything that ain't mine.

Yoga
a dairy product produced by bacterial fermentation of milk...but in an art-less way.

Yore
ancient tribal chief who was famed until the coming of religion as knowing who, what, where, why and how.
As liberally minder empiricist who was gaining an understanding of the universe he was suppressed by the religious who felt everything should be made mysterious and torturous for their benefit

Yuck
Part of a mucky aquatic bird.

Yukelele
A stringed instrument played exclusively at Yule-tide

Zealot
Very enthusiastic person in many fields.

Zeppelin
Some hobbit using his dial extensively

Zeugma
an elderly relative of a greek god, a mother figure, a leda of women.

Zucchini
small two-piece bathing suit made of the pelts of rare animals.

Zygote
farm animal vich haz vayz of making you talk...

Zymurgy
Like Syzygy, only wine-y-er.

I am utterly in awe of your thoroughness and industry. Thank you. A highly entertaining read!

Such endeavour. Such industry. Sucn parallel university.

Surely there's a book in there somewhere but who would have the copyrights.?

old boiler Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Surely there's a book in there somewhere but
> who would have the copyrights.?

Possibly Mr. Webster or Mr. O. English.

Well, define Copyright ...

One day at school I copied right down wrongly then the very next day I copied write down rightly and, do you know,one of those spellings has remained my fave word ever, ever since.

I agree with the book idea.


I had no idea that there were so many definitions of which I had no recollection of, or that seem funnier now than then.

The copyright would lie with Jasper as he is paying for the space that these cryptic characters are occupying.

Unless defined otherwise.

Bunyip you're a sweetie !! But what sort I wonder.

Bravo!

I just want to print this out and make anyone who says that ~I~ am sarcastic or punny read the entire list. I am not a blip on the screen compared to you people. <grin> And I will have had time to run away before they finish, anyway.