CLASS 'A' CHEESE
Illegal and Dangerous

Quintuple Llanboidy (5.2)

Lethal and illegal cheese from Wales. This cheese has a smooth, almost silky, texture that contrasts with its devastating effects. It is a hard pressed cheese and, as with all welsh cheeses its level of danger varies with maturity and season.

Duty charged per kilo: None. Illegal Cheese.
Punishment for illegal ownership: Fine.

Quadruple-strength Dolgellau Veinclotter (9.5)

Matured in Blaenafon for eighteen years and not for the faint-hearted. Good on crackers but can function equally well as an amorous skunk repellant. This soft triple créme Welsh cheese is rich, buttery, and dangerous to anything living. The odour is sour and salty, and has been known to bring on spontaneous nosebleeds at forty paces. When extra matured it has a PH of 6.7 and diluted with turpentine is an effective industrial paint stripper. Once used as an alternative to depleted uranium-tipped shells, it was banned by the Geneva convention in 1988. Will render anyone within ten feet unconscious after three minute's inhalation (even outdoors) but remains the only effective cure for veruccas.

Duty charged per kilo: None. Illegal Cheese.
Punishment for illegal ownership: Imprisonment.

Mynachlog-ddu Old Contemptible (7.2)

Easily recognised - it has to be kept in a glass jar as it will eat through cardboard or steel. If left open to the air it will start dogs howling within a seventeen mile radius. Designed as a cheap high explosive in the dark days of the Somme, it is still used as a cheap alternative to the phosphorus needed in tracer rounds and a malleable (if somewhat unstable) plastic explosive. Highly dangerous and strictly illegal, any reports of the whereabouts of any 'Old Contemptible' may be rewarded by a cash bonus.

Duty charged per kilo: None. Illegal Cheese.
Punishment for illegal ownership: Imprisonment and/or psychiatric evaluation.

Ystradgynlais Molecular Unstable Brie (6.4)

A soft cheese cloned from cheese makers in France. Useful as a contact anesthetic or dissolved in water as a replacement for battery acid, It can cure insomnia and ground to dust is very useful self-defence against muggers and wandering bears. It has a half-life of twenty three days, glows in the dark and can be used as a source of X-rays.

Duty charged per kilo: None. Illegal Cheese.
Punishment for illegal ownership: Imprisonment.

Machynlleth Wedi Marw (10.3 pending upgrade)

From the depths of The Welsh Socialist Republic, this cheese is currently rated at 10.3, but due to recent accidents and unexplained explosions is being considered closer to a 12.6. It can bring on a rash simply by viewing a photograph of it, is denser than enriched plutonium and is known to cause genetic defects in mice. One gram is enough to bring on coma and death, and there is no-one alive who has emerged from a Wedi-Marw experience not severely damaged in some way. Combusts in air. Considered too unstable to use as fuel on the VI 'Doodlebug' flying bomb and after tests on the early 'Atlas' rockets was banned from all US facilities.

Duty charged per kilo: None. Illegal Cheese.
Punishment for illegal ownership:Indefinite detainment without trial.

X-14 (Unrated)

Extremely dangerous, new form of cheese only just discovered.
DO NOT approach this cheese.
DO NOT eat this cheese.
Do NOT attempt to move it.
If safe to do so, cover with a wet blanket and
Contact the CEA immediately.
TAKE NO RISKS. X-14 is a KILLER.

Duty charged per kilo: None. Illegal Cheese.
Punishment for illegal ownership: Imprisonment.

Rhayder Speckled (4.9)

Illegal examples of this cheese were last found beneath a Hispano-Suiza in 1986. Due to the continual bombing of the Rhayader cheese-making plant it is very unusual for samples to cross the border. If you see some of this cheese (it glows in the dark and emits sparks) run away and hide.

Duty charged per kilo: None. Illegal Cheese.
Punishment for illegal ownership: Heavy fine.



Class B
Class C